Wednesday 3 October 2012

Reflections on Futility

This is part two of the challenge that Karen presented members of the Community team with. 

Reflect upon futility.  There’s a whole world full of fences and not many people are wanting to take them down – metaphorically and literally.”

Reflections
What fences do I still have around my heart and what is preventing me from pulling these down?

When I reflected upon this I immediately saw a picture of a twisted, tangled mess of barbed wire around my heart – some old and rusty strands tangled in with others which were relatively new.  Some barbs I have been holding onto since childhood while others have recently been tangled into the mess of twisted confusion, fear and doubt.  First I must cut away the newer fences in order to access the older more painful barbs some of which dig into my heart causing it to bleed.  But true healing can only begin when I have the courage to grab the pliars and gently cut away and untangle the barbs one layer at a time, allowing the scratches and deeper wounds to heal slowly and completely.  If I were to pull fiercely at the tangled mess I would in all likelihood create great pain and distress.  The more loving approach is to remove the barbs slowly and completely, one at a time.  It is a slow process which requires patience, compassion and self-love without judgement.  Sometimes it will all seem too much for me and I will, and have, backed away in fear; but fear prevents me from moving forward so I must learn to trust and step into the fear having faith that God is guiding me in this process and helping me as much as I will allow Him to do so.  If I can apply this same process to the fences of the world I will come to understand that true change at a soul level is governed by love and truth and happens in stages – one step at a time.  I must be patient and be willing to remove my own fences, the barriers that I have to being more loving in my life.  I must learn to BE the change I want to see in the world as Ghandi taught and operate quietly in the background seeking neither approval nor recognition, but merely desiring to serve my brothers and sisters in love and truth and humility. I must remember that we are all on a unique journey and that God waits patiently for us to come to Him and never imposes His will upon us.  I must strive to become more God-like, anything else now seem futile.

Am I fully engaged in my passions and desires?

The short answer is NO and I can justify this until the cows come home but the truth is that I am not fully engaging my passions and desires because of fear – fear of making a mistake, fear of judgement, fear of condemnation, fear of being different.  But I am slowly allowing these passions and desires to gestate within my soul and feel that many are now preparing to be birthed in all of their glory and passion and in a way that will allow me to lovingly serve others and God using the gifts that He has given me.  I am now tentatively taking the first steps of desire, exploring my own soul, making mistakes and learning from these and then trying again in a more loving way.  I am finally beginning to learn what it means to allow God to teach me, and desiring to learn and uncover and grow these gifts that God has given me.

Do I want to develop my passions and desires in harmony with God’s Laws, Love and Truth and open my soul to learning from God?

Absolutely!  I have tried the other way – the path of self-reliance – the path of arrogance, wanting approval and recognition and it does not work – it is not sustainable because it is not loving either to myself or to others so now I find myself turning to God and wanting to learn to live God’s way, wanting to learn to love – myself and others.

Reflections on some Bible passage
1 John 2:15-17 …if any man love the world the love of the Father is not in him …

If I place greater priority upon the creation rather than the Creator I automatically limit myself.  This has been my path in the past – a path of self-reliance, not involving God much in the process and not trusting that God is a God if love and it has been a very limiting and debilitating path.  I am now choosing the path of God-reliance which being much harder is infinitely more rewarding.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 … I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view … I didn’t just want to talk about it, I wanted to be in on it …

When I let go of judgement and allow myself to experience things from a different perspective it will open my soul to new experiences and new truths.  I am only just beginning to understand this.  There have been so many times in my past when God has provided me with opportunities to enter the world of another and experience things from their point of view but my own arrogance and fear has prevented me from doing this – I chose self-reliance and self-justification over the opportunities that God was giving me and in so doing I have limited my growth and created more pain in my soul and the souls of others, the full force of which I must now feel and be repentant about if I am to truly heal my own soul and help to open the souls of others whom I have harmed to the potential of healing as well. Why then do I now expect that now that I have got it – at least intellectually – that others should get it as well.  This is the height of arrogance and exposes in me great errors uncovering the fears that I have been trying to avoid for most of my life – the fear of being different, fear of rejection, fear of condemnation, fear of judgement, fear of ridicule.  I want to hide and go unnoticed.  But hiding in fear does not allow me to enter a different world and consider a different perspective; it limits my growth and my potential and prevents God from teaching me in a loving way.

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There is still so much that I need to learn and chief amongst these is Humility.  I am still very much wanting to control everything about my life and still not trusting that God actually knows everything about me already and if I let go of my arrogance and pride then God will be able to teach me.  Arrogance and pride are such futile emotions and achieve nothing positive, so why then do I still guard them so closely?
Thank you Karen for givine me this opportunity to reflect more deeply upon the fences of my soul and the futile nature of the life I have been living for I realize now that anything other than true God-reliance is futile and limiting and I want to learn to be my true self, to be all that God created me to be - whatever that might be.  Please God, teach me to be truly Humble.
with love
Linda 

Tuesday 2 October 2012

Reflections on Desire

  I knew it had been some time since I had last posted but didnt realize just how long.  I guess the main reason is that in the past few months I have been in a lot of resistance to some pretty big emotions that have been coming up for me.  One of these has been on desire.  I am still finding it difficult to determine what my true soul desires are and have been experementing wtih stepping into desire without addiction.  One way that is helping me to do this is belonging to some of the Learning Teams of the God's Way of Love Organization.  Perhaps the one I have the greatest afinity with at the monent is the Community Team.  Recently our Team Leader, Karen, sent out some information that was shared at a Leaders meeting and asked us to reflect upon this statement from Jesus.  I have posted my reply below.  I found that this task set by Karen brought up a lot for me and soon (I promise) I will post the second part of my reflections.  I hope that this post helps you to come up with your own reflections and perhaps gain a deeper insight into yout own soul as well.                                                                                                                                            

There are so many things you can be passionate about; but what we’ve got to do is we’ve got to feel the passion, and once we feel that passion and engage it … say to your whole team ‘next week we are going to do this because I’m passionate about it, I’m doing it’.  And do it because you like to do it. You want to give the service to others; but do it because you love doing it.  Don’t do it if you don’t love doing it”.   Jesus at a Team Leaders meeting.

 Reflection    
What does this statement bring up for me?

Q.1.       What am I really passionate about in my life right now?

A.     Understanding God’s Truth and Love and learning to become more loving in every aspect of my life.

B.     Learning about God’s environment and the gifts She has given us and learning how to live in harmony with God’s environment.

C.     Learning how to be of service to others in a loving way while letting go of demand and addiction.

D.     Learning to communicate through the written word.


Q.2.       How am I living or demonstrating that passion in my life right now?

A.     Listening to and learning from Jesus and Mary in multiple formats (DVDs, book club, mediumship, The Padgett Messages, The Judas Messages, Interviews).  Talking to God daily and aiming to have a greater connection with God and my guides.  Striving to be humble to all of my emotions.  Learning to understand my real self – feeling my errors and recognizing unloving behaviour in myself (not always at the time of the error but often upon later reflection).  Striving to put real love into practice in my daily life (not always successfully).  Regular reflection upon my soul’s condition and desires and how love and error are evident in my life and taking steps to rectify the error.

B.     Learning to grow things (veggies, herbs, trees) and investigating different plants and garden formats and layouts and desiring to create God’s garden at home through diversity and creating eco systems and habitats for all of God’s creatures (a project as yet in its infancy).  Learning from Permaculture tapes and lectures and researching methods of caring for the environment in a sustainable way.

C.     Writing a blog about my journey towards love helps me to overcome my fear of judgement and condemnation.  Producing a booklet that may be of service to those who are nearing death and the transition into spirit. Stepping into the desire to spend time with people who are dying as an act of love and service and learning to serve them as they desire to be served and not as I think they should be served.  Compiling the written teachings of Jesus into booklet format with the aim of making this freely available to anyone who wishes a copy. Growing my desire to learn about loving governance and correction.  Being a member of the Community Team.  Picking up rubbish as I pass it and aiming to leave public places more beautiful than when I got there.

D.     Most of the points for C as well as investigating creative writing courses with a view to participate in such.

                                                                 

Q.3.       What prevents me from fully engaging that passion and desire right now?  What am I afraid of?

For all of the above the answer is fear – fear of judgement is perhaps the biggest one along with fear of making a mistake.  Fear of being different / fear of being ostracized / fear of wasting my time and money / fear that I will not like or be disappointed with the outcome / fear of harming people or the environment in the process / fear of my physical limitations and not being able to complete the project or overcome these limitations in the process / fear of being ridiculed.


Q.4.       Why does this cause fear?

For all of the above – past experience has shown me that I am not allowed to be different – I am not allowed to be myself, I must conform or I will be punished.  If I follow any desire which is at odds with the group collective I will trigger fear / doubt / confusion / inadequacy / inferiority in others and in order to avoid these feelings they retaliate with power and force to make me feel small and doubt myself – and I believe them!  I believe that I am unworthy of following my desires , of even having my own desires which may not be in harmony with the group collective and when I doubt myself I am weak and powerless and easy to control.

As a result of these false beliefs I have spent a lifetime manipulating myself and modifying my desires in order to please others and avoid the pain of judgement / condemnation / criticism to the point of now being unsure of what MY true desires and passions are.  I am in the process of discovering the truth of my own desires and my true self and I find a growing desire inside of myself to know my real self and so I find myself gingerly testing the waters of desire, sometimes falling flat on my face in shame and confusion.  The challenge however, is to pick myself up at these times , feel into the truth of the situation and try again.  If I give up every time I ‘fail’ at something or when my desire brings pain instead of pleasure I will never know my real self.

So now I am learning to ask myself every time I ‘fail’ “where was I out of harmony with love and truth in this instance?  What is the error in me that caused this pain?”  If I allow myself to feel into the truth of this situation, and am humble to my emotions, the next time I step into this desire the results will be different from the previous experience and I will soon uncover my real passions and desires.  But I must be willing to keep experimenting with my desires and be open to learning from God.
There is still much that I have to learn about myself and about God'd Love and Truth but each day is a journey towards love and it is my greatest desire to know God and know myself.  I hope that by sharing in this journey with me you too might glean something benificial for your own journey towards Love.
With much love
Linda