Walking in Community – Baby Steps

Walking in Community – Baby Steps

About ten years ago I stepped back from an active role within several community organizations.  I was burnt out.  I had been volunteering for all the wrong reasons – recognition, glory, acknowledgement, acceptance etc. My health was suffering and I needed to focus on me and family stuff.  Actually, it would probably be more accurate to say that I needed to focus on family stuff and me.  At that point in my life I was struggling with any sense of self.  I was totally overwhelmed with everything that was happening in my life and I was tired. Very tired. So I stepped out of all but one voluntary role (and that was a minor role anyway) and began focusing on what was important to me – learning to put me first.  A difficult road indeed!

About five years later I met AJ Miller, a man who claims to be Jesus of Nazareth, reincarnated to re-teach the great Truths that he brought to the world in the first century. His teachings have totally changed my life – for the better.  Gradually, as I began to tentatively put his teachings in to practice, I began to see subtle changes within myself.  I began to love myself a little more.  I began to trust myself a little more.   I began to trust God a LOT more.

With each error, or part thereof, that has been released from my soul a greater confidence has been creeping in. Gradually more joy is becoming a part of my life.  I have slowly been unlocking the hidden parts of myself which had been shut down as a child because these parts of me were too confronting for the adults in my world. Now, I have a growing certainty about why I am here and what my true passions are.  Little by little my real self is being revealed and I am ever so grateful to God for His guidance and unfailing support.

Over the past few months I have been studying and plan to launch a new business by the middle of this year.  I feel really good about this.  I am excited about this.  I can't wait to get going!  But the past couple of weeks this has all been put on hold for a brief period as I begin to step back into community.  A few weeks ago I was approached by a friend to join a Community organization which was (still is) in turmoil. Then I was asked to run for the position of vice-president of this organization and another friend convinced me to come on board.

My initial reaction was – "I'm not ready for this!" "I don't think I will be strong enough to stand firm for Love and Truth". "I don't know enough yet!"

In short – FEAR!

I prayed a lot about this and felt into it as best I could.  I recognized fear and decided to step into it and trust God.  I'm really glad that I did! 

I have learnt so much about myself in the past couple of weeks as a result of this and God has shown me more of my real self in the process.  I found myself remaining calm in difficult situations.  I found myself having the courage to call other members on their unloving behaviour – especially on projections of anger. And I found these people responding positively to this.  To say that I was surprised was an understatement.  Suddenly I am noticing that people, many of whom I hardly know or have met for the first time, are wanting to hear what I have to say and respecting my comments and suggestions.  Some are actively seeking out my opinions and council. I felt valued even in a difficult situation. This is new to me.

As I reflected and prayed at the end of each day I could see how things could have been done differently, in a more loving or truthful way.  I have been triggered big time in lots of different ways.  It has been so much easier to step into challenging or difficult situations with God walking firmly by my side, holding my hand.  Fear did not dominate.  Love did. And I am coming to realize that I love living this way – with God by my side and fear beneath my feet!

My passion for community has been reignited and I am ready to fight the good fight, firmly grounded in truth and love.  I know I will still make mistakes along the way.  I will no doubt miss opportunities to speak truth or to act in an unconditionally loving way (towards others and myself). But I am realizing that that really doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is that I trust God and step into passion without letting fear dictate my actions (or not!).

This is a good place to be.  A really good place to be.

Gifts from God

This morning I was reflecting upon the message I posted yesterday and I thought I would share with you some of my reflections.

While reading the message again it struck me that God has given us so many gifts – BEAUTY LOVE CLARITY TREASURES REST AWARENESS FREEDOM FORGIVNESS SAFETY KINDNESS. And there are many others but these seem to be highlighted in this message.

While reflecting I wondered –
Am I willing to accept these gifts unconditionally?
Am I willing to work to remove the barriers that prevent me from receiving them?
Am I willing to give these gifts freely in return?
Do I expect anything in return?  From others?  From God?

In order to become at-one with God I must learn to be like God – generous, kind, compassionate, open, forgiving, passionate, imaginative, desirous and be willing to love unconditionally – everyone (not just my favourite people).  It is these God-like qualities that make us beautiful. 

I am slowly learning that I must play my part in this process – I must be willing to TRUST DESIRE REFLECT SERVE SURRENDER SOFTEN and live with PASSION in order to access the gifts from God.

I must work to wash away the mud that has been flung at my soul from my environment from the moment of incarnation onwards in order to see the precious gem that lies hidden within. 

With God’s help all things are possible. With God’s help every little flicker of light can become a beacon of love and hope.

He is holding my heart in His hands.

Do I trust this?

Reflections on Desire

  I knew it had been some time since I had last posted but didnt realize just how long.  I guess the main reason is that in the past few months I have been in a lot of resistance to some pretty big emotions that have been coming up for me.  One of these has been on desire.  I am still finding it difficult to determine what my true soul desires are and have been experementing wtih stepping into desire without addiction.  One way that is helping me to do this is belonging to some of the Learning Teams of the God's Way of Love Organization.  Perhaps the one I have the greatest afinity with at the monent is the Community Team.  Recently our Team Leader, Karen, sent out some information that was shared at a Leaders meeting and asked us to reflect upon this statement from Jesus.  I have posted my reply below.  I found that this task set by Karen brought up a lot for me and soon (I promise) I will post the second part of my reflections.  I hope that this post helps you to come up with your own reflections and perhaps gain a deeper insight into yout own soul as well.                                                                                                                                            

“There are so many things you can be passionate about; but what we’ve got to do is we’ve got to feel the passion, and once we feel that passion and engage it … say to your whole team ‘next week we are going to do this because I’m passionate about it, I’m doing it’.  And do it because you like to do it. You want to give the service to others; but do it because you love doing it.  Don’t do it if you don’t love doing it”.   Jesus at a Team Leaders meeting.

 Reflection    

What does this statement bring up for me?

Q.1.       What am I really passionate about in my life right now?

A.     Understanding God’s Truth and Love and learning to become more loving in every aspect of my life.

B.     Learning about God’s environment and the gifts She has given us and learning how to live in harmony with God’s environment.

C.     Learning how to be of service to others in a loving way while letting go of demand and addiction.

D.     Learning to communicate through the written word.

Q.2.       How am I living or demonstrating that passion in my life right now?

A.     Listening to and learning from Jesus and Mary in multiple formats (DVDs, book club, mediumship, The Padgett Messages, The Judas Messages, Interviews).  Talking to God daily and aiming to have a greater connection with God and my guides.  Striving to be humble to all of my emotions.  Learning to understand my real self – feeling my errors and recognizing unloving behaviour in myself (not always at the time of the error but often upon later reflection).  Striving to put real love into practice in my daily life (not always successfully).  Regular reflection upon my soul’s condition and desires and how love and error are evident in my life and taking steps to rectify the error.

B.     Learning to grow things (veggies, herbs, trees) and investigating different plants and garden formats and layouts and desiring to create God’s garden at home through diversity and creating eco systems and habitats for all of God’s creatures (a project as yet in its infancy).  Learning from Permaculture tapes and lectures and researching methods of caring for the environment in a sustainable way.

C.     Writing a blog about my journey towards love helps me to overcome my fear of judgement and condemnation.  Producing a booklet that may be of service to those who are nearing death and the transition into spirit. Stepping into the desire to spend time with people who are dying as an act of love and service and learning to serve them as they desire to be served and not as I think they should be served.  Compiling the written teachings of Jesus into booklet format with the aim of making this freely available to anyone who wishes a copy. Growing my desire to learn about loving governance and correction.  Being a member of the Community Team.  Picking up rubbish as I pass it and aiming to leave public places more beautiful than when I got there.

D.     Most of the points for C as well as investigating creative writing courses with a view to participate in such.

                                                                 

Q.3.       What prevents me from fully engaging that passion and desire right now?  What am I afraid of?

For all of the above the answer is fear – fear of judgement is perhaps the biggest one along with fear of making a mistake.  Fear of being different / fear of being ostracized / fear of wasting my time and money / fear that I will not like or be disappointed with the outcome / fear of harming people or the environment in the process / fear of my physical limitations and not being able to complete the project or overcome these limitations in the process / fear of being ridiculed.

Q.4.       Why does this cause fear?

For all of the above – past experience has shown me that I am not allowed to be different – I am not allowed to be myself, I must conform or I will be punished.  If I follow any desire which is at odds with the group collective I will trigger fear / doubt / confusion / inadequacy / inferiority in others and in order to avoid these feelings they retaliate with power and force to make me feel small and doubt myself – and I believe them!  I believe that I am unworthy of following my desires , of even having my own desires which may not be in harmony with the group collective and when I doubt myself I am weak and powerless and easy to control.

As a result of these false beliefs I have spent a lifetime manipulating myself and modifying my desires in order to please others and avoid the pain of judgement / condemnation / criticism to the point of now being unsure of what MY true desires and passions are.  I am in the process of discovering the truth of my own desires and my true self and I find a growing desire inside of myself to know my real self and so I find myself gingerly testing the waters of desire, sometimes falling flat on my face in shame and confusion.  The challenge however, is to pick myself up at these times , feel into the truth of the situation and try again.  If I give up every time I ‘fail’ at something or when my desire brings pain instead of pleasure I will never know my real self.

So now I am learning to ask myself every time I ‘fail’ “where was I out of harmony with love and truth in this instance?  What is the error in me that caused this pain?”  If I allow myself to feel into the truth of this situation, and am humble to my emotions, the next time I step into this desire the results will be different from the previous experience and I will soon uncover my real passions and desires.  But I must be willing to keep experimenting with my desires and be open to learning from God.

There is still much that I have to learn about myself and about God'd Love and Truth but each day is a journey towards love and it is my greatest desire to know God and know myself.  I hope that by sharing in this journey with me you too might glean something benificial for your own journey towards Love.

With much love

Linda