Open My Heart and Soul I Pray

This is a poem that I wrote a little while ago but as I re-read it now I realize that it is just as relevant now as I struggle to face the truth of the errors in my soul which prevent God's Love from entering me. I hope it helps.
love
Linda

Open my heart and soul I pray

Feeling angry, feeling sad

Feeling as though my whole life

I have been bad

Feeling lonely, feeling confused

Hating feeling that through my life

I have been abused

Feeling lost, feeling afraid

Not wanting to visit these places

Where my darkest secrets have been laid

Longing for guidance, longing for love

Will anyone answer my call

From Heaven above?

Pain in my body showing me truth

Resisting the messages of love

Preferring to remain aloof

Will I ever learn to let go and trust

That God’s ways are perfect

And surrender I must?

Open my heart and soul I pray

Help me face those hidden truths

That rack my soul

And keep Your Love at bay.

Open my heart and soul I pray

Give me courage to face the truth

Open my heart and my soul I pray

Teach me to surrender to Your way

Linda Munster

25.03.11

Clouds

I wrote this a little while ago but now that I re-read it I realize that it is as relevant today as it was then. I am still struggling with a deep causal emotion that I have been slowly working through over the past few months.  How little I understand about God and Her /Divine Love.  I want this to change!  I pray for the courage and the willingness to step deeply and completly into my fear and grief so that I might fully let go of all of my errors and and allow God's healing Love in.

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Clouds are rolling in across the valley floor now, floating softly through the air and forming a curtain of mist disguising the ridges behind them and temporarily changing the landscape.  But they do not sit still as they softly glide by, creating new vistas with every change as they rise up to meet the thicker band of cloud that is sitting atop the mountain and blocking it from view. 

It is darker now in the valley, grey and dull, but above the clouds a light shines through and a tiny speck of blue reminds me that nothing in God’s universe is permanent and that change is inevitable, even welcomed. 

So why then do I hold on so tightly to the things that cause me pain, not trusting this process, having no faith in the potential gain?  And yet right before me a transformation is taking place as soft clouds roll through the valley and lift gently over the mountains with such effortless ease and I am wondering what prevents me from gliding through this process of transformation of the soul?  What prevents me from embracing the changes in my soul, from grasping hold of those glimmers of light that have the power to lift me from the valley of despair and carry me over the mountains of doubt and fear into God’s loving embrace?  Why do I hold so tightly to the errors that cause me pain and keep me anchored to the valley floor?

As I silently observe God’s gifts unfolding across the sky I am greeted by a soft breeze, cool and fresh, lifting the clouds out of the valley so that they might merge with the vast sky and I can’t help but wonder what truth this is revealing to me?  Will God’s Love carry me out of my despair and beyond the restraints of my own soul to new heights where anything is possible?  Do I trust that this is possible?  Have I not already experienced the joy of soaring high on God’s Divine Love?  Why then do I still not trust this process unconditionally? What fear keeps me from relinquishing control to the Supreme Commander and allowing His Love and Laws to lead me where I need to go?

There is as yet so much that I still have to discover about my own soul, so many pains to feel and release and so much joy to experience.  I pray that with God’s help I will learn to fully embrace this process and to rejoice in the release of each error so that I might allow my soul to lift gently out of the valley of despair and learn to soar high upon the wings of God’s Love from where anything is possible and love and truth rule the day.

with love

Linda

Love is a gift

This is something that I have been reflecting upon a lot lately.  Hope it helps.

Love is a gift and it should be given freely.

Most people would agree with this statement, I agree with this statement!  The problem is that in all of the relationships that I have had in my life this has not been the case.  This is a harsh reality to face but it is nevertheless the truth.

As I continue to open my heart and soul to God’s Love and Truth I am coming to realize that every relationship that I have had in my life, including my soulmate relationship, has had conditions attached to it, addictions that I need to have met, unloving demands placed upon the recipient of this so-called love.  I ‘love’ you so you must love me back. I ‘love’ you so you must provide for me and keep me safe. I ‘love’ you so that you will be my friend etc. But this is NOT love, it is demand couched in unloving expectations and it is not a gift at all.  A gift should be freely offered without expectation or demand.

The Oxford Dictionary defines Gift as “the voluntary transfer of property without compensation”.  The trouble is that I am beginning to realize that I have given very little in my life as a true gift, I have always wanted something in return – love, recognition, acknowledgement, a gift in return, and this is not true giving, it is not love, it is demand born out of addiction.   How shocking it is to recognize this truth about myself! 

The truth is that I do not yet know how to truly love as God intended us to love – freely and without demand or expectation.

So how do I get to this place of being able to give freely and to love freely without demand or expectation? 

I am coming to realize that the only way to do this effectively is with God.  By gradually opening my heart and soul to God’s Truth, the errors in my soul can leave me and God’s Love can take their place.  And this process requires true humility, something that I am still struggling with and I realize that I do not yet really understand love. I do not yet know how to love unconditionally. I do not yet know how to give myself freely, from the heart without expectation or demand, and this is the biggest barrier that I face in my soulmate relationship, in all of my relationships.

 I wish that I could write that I finally understand love and that I am at last truly able to love unconditionally, but the truth is that I am only just beginning to understand love and in order to grow in love I must turn to God and ask Him to show we the truth of the errors in my soul that prevent love from blossoming there.  I must somehow find the courage to let go of all my old false beliefs around love and allow God to show me the truth.  I must be willing to learn to love God and myself first so that I can love others as God intended – freely and without expectation or demand.  And truthfully, right now I am struggling with this.  I am finding it difficult to let God love me the way She wants to, completely and freely, for God can only love me as much as I am willing to allow that love in.  I am struggling to accept that in order to love I must fully let go, for it is only in the letting go that love can truly blossom.

Please God, give me the courage and the willingness to let go of all of my false beliefs and expectations around love so that real love might fill my soul and I might learn to love freely and unconditionally in return.

with love

Linda