Some Personal Reminders

While cleaning out the office today I came across a copy of a couple of prayers that I would like to share here.  They are particularly relevant to me and I suspect to just about everyone on the planet.
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I am a child of God. I am precious.  I am loved.
I didn't earn it and I can't lose it.
It is God's gift to me.

Before my parents knew I was 'on the way'
God created pathways for me to walk in.

No one can live my life the way I can.

God has preserved my life for me
and wants me to walk freely in it.

I was not created to be a replacement for anyone else.

I am ... because God destined me to be.

(Jeremiah 1:5)

I feel that I have known for a very long time that I am God's child, I certainly knew that my 'children' were God's children and this made it easy for me to let them go, to be free to explore their world without a heap of projections form me about 'being safe'; I always knew (well, mostly always, sometimes I did let me fear override this knowing) that God would protect them.  Why then do I still struggle to know that I am precious, I am loved?  It has been a long hard road to get to the point of learning to accept this truth but doubt still creeps in from time to time which allows darker spirits to manipulate and control me as they play upon this doubt. 

I didn't earn it and I can't lose it. It is God's gift to me. But in order to receive this gift I must activate my soul's longings for love and ask God to give it to me.  God will always honour our free will and will never impose upon us anything that is not asked for.  In my next post I'll show HOW God's Love can and does change our souls. But the key here is using our free will to activate or souls and ask for God's Love; and to continue to ask for God's Love as long as we exist. God's Love is abundant and infinite, we just need to learn how to tap into it remembering that Love is an emotion that must be felt and it can only enter us when error leaves.  Love and error cannot co-exist.  When error leaves, Love can enter; and error leaving is painful so in order to receive abundant qualities of God's Love we must be willing to feel and release our errors so that God's Love can heal us and make us whole. Receiving God's Love is an emotional transaction between God and any one of Her children.  But we must ask in order to receive.

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My life is not a mistake.
God made me out of the love that He is.

He called me into being at the right time
and the right place.
He prepared a way for me.

I am a privilege, not a burden;

A joy and delight, not a disappointment;

I am not an intrusion, I belong.

I am a treasure just because I am,
not merely for what I can do.

I am one of Mother God's own children
and She delights in me.

(Psalm 127:3-5)

This prayer in particular resonates very strongly with me. 

So often in my childhood I felt that maybe I was a mistake - I did not feel loved.  I often felt like a burden, especially when I pushed my parents' buttons and they did not want to feel whatever it was that I was triggering in them.  Instead, like most people, they dismissed their emotions and projected blame onto me.  They didn't just do this with me but with all of my siblings and other kids as well - sometimes with other adults. And I have done this with my own and others' children.

Too often in my childhood I felt that I was an intrusion; "children should be seen and not heard" was the old adage that I was brought up with.  And we were dismissed when we deemed to be a nuisance or our parents were entertaining adult friends - kids were a nuisance at these time - Not always, but often.Unless we are willing to challenge the accepted wisdom and rattle the status quo we end up repeating the same mistakes that our parents made. And whilst I feel that I did challenge many of my parents' perceptions of proper parenting I have made many of the same mistakes.  My only recourse now is to feel what that felt like for me as well as for those I have hurt, to ask for God's forgiveness, mercy and Love and pray that my children will do a better job than I have done.

As I work my way very slowly through all of my childhood injuries I am slowly learning that I actually am a treasure - I am a child of God, 'the greatest of Her creation and the object of Her Love and tenderest care'*.  I don't know that I ever felt like that from my birth parents and this is possibly the hardest truth for me to face, along with knowing that I am 'not the sinful, subservient and depraved creature that false teachers would have me to believe'*.  This truth was so heavily masked through my parents projections, the projections of the world around me and in particular through the teachings of the Catholic Church.  I was taught that I was born a sinner when the truth is that I was created perfect in God's image and heavily tarnished by the unloving behaviours, attitudes and false beliefs of those around me from the moment of conception. I learnt to earn love through my actions; it was never enough to just be me.  In fact being just me was very triggering for the adults in my world, especially my parents and I quickly learnt how NOT to be me and instead to be the person who would please the adults in my world (to be my façade) and thus get their affection (if I was lucky!).

'I am one of Mother God's own children and She delights in me'. Yes, ... well ... there is a LOT that I still have to feel here. I am one of Mother God's own children and She delights in me - and in you too!

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* excerpts from the prayer for Divine Love - see post  February 4th 2012

Building Harmony With Humility

Well, once again it has been a while since I have written.  I have been away for a couple of weeks and boy did that trip highlight how much I still have to learn about humility! I have been in such denial of my soul over the past couple of months really and this trip really helped me to see that.

I am so very grateful that God's Love never wavers and is always waiting for us to open our soul's to its reception through our desire.  This past week I have been slowly letting go of resistance and endeavouring to allow myself to sink more comfortably into God-reliance.  So much resistance in me means that it is a slow process.

Today I would like to share with you a message from the Judas Channellings on Humility.  It has helped me greatly to 'get back on track' (so to speak).  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

Building Harmony With Humility

January 14th, 2002

Received by H.R.
Cuenca, Ecuador.

Hello H___, I see that you do not feel so well today. But allow me to give you some advice.
After Jesus’ death, the new church, which in fact was not a church as you understand it today, spread all over the Roman Empire, and even beyond its limits, towards Mesopotamia and India. In the big cities, communities formed of more or less influence in society, and their leaders were recognized by the faithful ones as the new apostles, messengers of the Glad Tidings.

These leaders, unfortunately, very soon fought between themselves, in a fight for power. And I am not necessarily referring to political power, but there were many disputes over who was right. This was a very lamentable, but also a very human development. Because in human movements, somebody has to decide where to go.

Now, when you have the impression that this is repeating, although your movement has not spread so spectacularly over the face of the earth, it is necessary to meditate and to not commit the same mistakes that have already been made once.

You have to learn how to control yourself and to try to lose your great pride. On many occasions we have pointed out that, in fact, humility is one of the most important characteristics that distinguish people who seek the Father's Love. Emotional outbreaks, as you showed recently, don't fit into the harmony amongst people, who are supposed to work together.

Instead of exploding and creating an open conflict, you could say, “I respect your ideas, but I don't agree with them." It is so simple. With that, you don't hurt anybody.

I believe that you understand that humility does not mean weakness. Be humble but firm, firm in your decisions and in your objectives. You are receiving guidance through us, as anyone may receive guidance through us. After all, we are but guides, you decide your destination, which is at-onement with God through His Love, and we try to guide you along the safest and most efficient road. You are the captain of your ship of life; I am your pilot, guiding your ship safely to the harbor of its destination. Also in your efforts for spreading the message of Love, we try to give you our advice. How can you spread a message of Love, if you are not capable of manifesting love in front of your neighbours?

Humility is strength, provided it is accompanied by steadfastness. And you can only have steadfastness, when you have faith, that is to say, the certain knowledge that what you are doing is the correct thing.

You remember that we once talked about the quarrel between the disciples over who was the first. None of them was prepared to assume a slave's work, preparing water and washing the others’ feet. Jesus did it. That is humility. Seeing how little his disciples understood of what he was preaching still did not lead him to give up his efforts to fulfil the Heavenly Father's Will. Even seeing the risk he ran did not lead him to abandon his mission and to seek less dangerous roads. This is what I call steadfastness.

What actually distinguishes a great soul, are the qualities of love, humility and steadfastness.

Collaborate in everything, where you feel the impulse to collaborate. If something displeases you, say so immediately, and so you will avoid future confrontations.

This is all for today. It is a simple advice. Be firm in your decisions, be generous with others, and whatever you do, do it with love. If you cannot put your love in some action, let it go.

Your brother in Heaven,

Judas

Forgiveness

As I continue to work my way through the errors in my soul I find that I continually stumble at understanding forgiveness - especially forgiveness of myself for all the hurt I have caused through acting out in my fears and errors.  I am eternally grateful for the patience and love of my Celestial guides who wait patiently for me to be ready to hear what they want to teach me.  Recently one of my guides, Peter shared this with me on forgiveness.  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

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True forgiveness is allowing God’s Love to wash over you and replace the hurt that you hold inside about the event that caused you pain.

True forgiveness is unconditional love and compassion.

True forgiveness holds no memory of pain.

True forgiveness is love.

True forgiveness can only be achieved when we allow ourselves to feel the full extent of our pain and let it go.

True forgiveness replaces every negative thought or feeling that we have about that event with truth and love.

True forgiveness brings a deep and lasting peace that can never be shattered.

With true forgiveness only love remains.

You need to be willing to accept forgiveness as well as to forgive.  God has already forgiven you – now it is up to you to forgive yourself. There is nothing that God cannot forgive.  He has already forgiven.  Let go of self-punishment and trust this.

Question: how do I let go of self-punishment?

Write this down repeatedly:

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself.

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself.

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself.

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself. I AM LOVED. I AM FORGIVEN.

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I am very grateful to Peter for his guidance and am continuing to work through this – but my resistance has been strong and progress has been slow.  I am eternally grateful for God’s patience and guidance and for the assistance of my guides. I pray that this post will be of assistance to you also.

With much love

Linda

How I became a Madman

 I was doing some reflecting recently and found myself once again going to the messages from Judas which were received by Hans Radix in 2002.  One of my favourites is the message on Faith, Knowledge, Understanding and Trust - January 30^th 2002.  In this message Hans quotes a poem from Kahlil Gibran – How I became a Madman.  As I reflected upon the words in this poem I began to see many parallels with walking the Way to God. Here are my reflections on this great work.

First – The Complete Poem.

HOW I BECAME A MADMAN

You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen,-the seven masks I have fashioned an worn in seven lives,-I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, “Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves.”

Men and women laughed at me and some ran to their houses in fear of me.

And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house-top cried, “He is a madman.” I looked up to behold him; the sun kissed my own naked face for the first time. For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in a trance I cried, “Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks.”

Thus I became a madman.

And I have found both freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.

But let me not be too proud of my safety. Even a Thief in a jail is safe from another thief.

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How it fits with Walking the Way to God – my interpretations.

You ask me how I became a madman (how I came to look at the world differently and how I began to be seen as ‘mad’ by those with a mind closed to truth).  It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born (before the world placed many interpretations upon God) I woke from a deep sleep (from a life that I was living unconsciously) and found that all of my masks were stolen ( my masks are the façades that I had created in order to cover over my injured self), - the seven masks that I had fashioned and worn in seven lives (the different ways I present myself to the world according to who I am with and what side of me I want to present – partner, children, family, friends, work colleagues, church or religious associates, strangers) – I ran maskless through the crowded streets (revealing my real self for the first time to everyone around me) shouting “thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves” (afraid and exposed I want to blame others for the flaws which are now revealed for all to see).

Men and women laughed at me and some ran into their houses in fear of me (they could not understand how someone could be so exposed and allow themselves to be seen as they truly are.  They laughed at what they themselves are afraid of in order to cover their fear, and hid more carefully behind their façade masks).

And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house top cried, “He is a Madman” (people don’t want to be confronted by error and imperfection and generally consider those brave enough to begin to ‘tear away their masks’ to be mad.  They don’t understand courage and prefer the safety of the herd mentality where it is easy to remain hidden amongst those who are the same as they are). I looked up to behold him; and the sun kissed my naked face for the first time (it is only when I am willing to drop my façade and expose the nakedness of my soul, with all of its blemishes and imperfections, that the love of God can kiss my soul). For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun and I wanted my masks no more (the Love of God is so powerful, so magical, that when I dare to drop the façade and expose all of my flaws and open up my soul to God’s Love and Grace; only then, can I not imagine a life without God’s Love.  It is like a drug and I constantly seek to have more of it – this healing Love that helps me to see and know the real me).  And as if in a trance I cried, “Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks” (because now I realize that it is my masks, my façade that prevents me from knowing God and feeling Her Love embrace my bare soul).

Thus I became a madman (no longer a part of the herd mentality but willing to learn to be my real, authentic, unique self – the self that God created).

And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness (the freedom to be myself and safety in God’s loving embrace); the freedom of the loneliness (happy and content to be by myself with God) and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us (understanding implies that from this point onwards I will remain the same; but my goal is to continually expand and grow, to change and discover new aspects of myself and God’s universe. I don’t want to be understood so much as to be known for who I truly am and I want to know you too).

But let me not be too proud of my safety.  Even a Thief in jail is safe from another thief (pride is the opposite of humility and humility is what is needed if I am to walk maskless in this world. I want to get to that point in my progression towards Love and Truth where, like Judas, I can say “now for me it is no longer a question of believing or not believing, now I simply know. I have felt the sunbeams of God’s Love on the naked skin of my soul.”(page 137)).

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So now the questions I must continually ask myself is “Why do I still cling so tightly to my masks as if I am guarding them with my very life?  What is preventing me from completely stripping off my masks and allowing God’s Love to kiss the nakedness of my bare soul, to hold it (me) firmly in Her Loving Embrace? How can I overcome the barriers that prevent me from stepping into full Humility, Love and Truth?

Please God, show me the Way Home.

(If you would like a copy of the full message referred to above or a complete copy of the Judas Messages please email me and I will forward it to you – munjolin@bigpond.com)

Learning to Let Love in.

I have been struggling with loving myself most of my life.  It is as if there is a deep self-loathing that I don’t yet fully understand and I am finding it difficult to work my way through this emotionally.  I received a clue to this recently when I re-listened to the Divine Truth Talk on Emotions and the Mother Taboo (www.divinetruth.com - June 26^th 2010 – also on the Divine Truth YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8VzVIYHpOE&list=PLF04C988375DCDF23&index=47 ). At around 51mins into the talk AJ shared this statement When you suppress anger what finishes up happening is called resentment … if you are a woman suppressing anger towards mother you’re going to end up resenting yourself as a woman as well as resenting your mother.  It is the same if you are a man suppressing your anger towards your father.

I know I have a lot of repressed anger in my soul.  My body has been telling me this for years – acne, thrush, tinea – these are all ‘angry’ conditions in the body characterized by inflammation and I have had them all.  But it is difficult to access or work through anger fully when you have a deep fear of anger.  It is not so much the underlying fear that I am afraid of (although it could be) but more a fear of the anger itself that I need to access in order to get to the deeper cause of the dis-ease in my soul. 

I hate anger! 

I hate receiving it. 

I hate expressing it! 

Anger terrifies me and I have a lot of judgements about it all of which are born from my childhood (as are most of the errors in our souls).  But if I am ever to heal the errors in my soul, and therefore my body, I need to let go of the judgements that I have about anger and allow my soul to express all of the anger which has been pent up for most of my life.  This is a huge challenge for me and is blocking me from accessing the deeper grief within my soul which is preventing my connection with God from growing.  I have been praying about this a lot lately.

Recently when I was working through some emotions I had a bit of a revelation.

God loves me.

God loves me despite my faults and errors. 

God loves ME despite my unloving thoughts, feelings and actions. 

God loves ME despite my imperfection. 

God loves me even though I am fat and often feel stupid and inadequate. 

God has always loved me.

And God does not make mistakes.  Ever.  So if God loves me and I have felt this love and know it is real, and if God does not make mistakes; that means that I must be loveable. This is God’s Truth.  I am supremely loveable as I currently am.  I do not need to be slim, fit, young, smart and beautiful to be loveable.  God loves me as I currently am.  I am one of the greatest of God’s creation, the most wonderful of His handiworks and the object of Her great love and tenderest care.

God loves me as I currently am therefore I must be loveable as I currently am.  I don’t need to be anyone other than myself to be loveable. I have repeated this a lot here because I still don’t get this emotionally – at a soul level.  I understand this intellectually but I struggle to ‘get it’ at the soul level. 

I have spent much of my life modifying myself in order to please others.  Searching for love any way I can.  What I didn’t understand was that God loves me exactly as I am.  God created me as a perfect human being, a perfect half of a soul and I don’t need to be anything other than myself. 

The problem is that for most of my childhood being myself didn’t seem to be acceptable.  I was taught ‘to be a good girl’; ‘to behave myself’; ‘to not do this or that’.  It seemed that I was never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.  I was moulded to ‘fit’ the accepted norm at the time.  And I didn’t understand this connection that God wants with all of Her children; that God craves from all of His children. The Catholic Church doesn’t teach about a personal relationship with God.  It taught me that I need a priest in order to have a relationship with God.  That I must obey its laws – most of which are not in harmony with God’s Laws and are manipulative, controlling and driven by fear, power and control.  This is what I grew up with.

Now I am learning that I do not need anyone else to have a relationship with God; that my relationship with God is personal and unique. And it feels right. My challenge is now to accept the gift of God’s Love and come to believe what God already knows – that as Her daughter I am supremely loveable.  I am a prefect creation of God’s and She does not make mistakes – EVER!  I AM loveable just as I am in this moment.

While a tiny flicker of a light is going on in my soul as this truth begins to take hold the demon I am really struggling with right now is to learn to love myself, to learn to forgive myself for all of the unloving actions I have taken in the past (and there have been many).  Until I can learn to do that – to forgive myself – it will be very difficult to learn to love myself or others.  I need to remind myself of this truth every day.

God loves me exactly as I am in this moment.  She has never stopped loving me.

I have felt God’s Love and I know it is real.  God loves me therefore I am loveable.

This needs to become my daily mantra.  My daily prayer needs to be “Please God, help me to overcome the barriers that prevent me from accepting Your Truth – that I am loveable exactly as I am.”

I still struggle with this but with God’s help and Grace I will eventually allow this truth to sink deep into my soul and become a knowing, a reality.  When I can do this I will be able to love others more freely and without expectation.  I will be able to give more of myself.

There is a lot of grief that I need to feel still as to why this is not already a truth in my soul.

Resistance and Rebellion

Resistance serves no useful purpose.  Resistance is avoidance.  Resistance is very unloving, both to yourself and to the universe.  I am coming to understand this after having been in resistance to my emotions and God’s Truth for the past couple of weeks.  This past week I have been feeling awful!  Lifeless.  Achy. Unmotivated. And cycling through phases of intense heat and at times cold – in other words I have been avoiding large amounts of anger, rage and fear and I have been paying the price for it. 

Why? 

The only answer I can come up with right now is to realize just how little love I have for myself.  Perhaps this even borders on self-loathing! Again I have to ask - Why?  And I am afraid to find out the answers.  I must be, otherwise I would succumb to the emotions, trusting in God’s Love and allow the emotions to show me the truth.  But I have not been doing that.  Fear! Fear of the truth.  Fear of the anger and rage that is within my soul. Fear of other people’s judgement and condemnation because I choose to be different, I choose to make some sort of effort to uncover the real me.  Fear of my own judgement and condemnation – ‘this feels ridiculous’; ‘I hate anger’; ‘anger serves no useful purpose’. None of this is helpful.  In fact it is all down right harmful – both to my soul and to the environment and those around me. 

How little I know about love.  How little I choose to engage in the process of love and discovering the healing power of love.

So I wanted to understand more fully this thing called Resistance. Dictionary.com describes resistance as the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding or in Psychiatry it is the opposition to an attempt to bring repressed thoughts or feelings into consciousness. This is exactly what I have been doing. Opposing any attempts to bring repressed thoughts or feelings into consciousness – opposing God’s Love and laws and withstanding any attempts on my part to uncover my hidden self.  The question is WHY?

Oxford dictionary describes resistance as the refusal to accept or comply with something: So I can only assume that when I am in resistance to God’s Truth and Love I am refusing to accept God’s Truth and refusing to comply with God’s Laws. And this is what is causing me this pain and discomfort and draining me of energy. It has taken a bit to recognize this and to acknowledge to myself that I still have a HUGE resistance to authority. In recognizing this I have begun to challenge this resistance very simply by attempting to obey ALL road rules.  It has been an interesting experiment as I drive along in 60km zones which could quite safely be 70km or even 80km zones or in a 40km zone where it feels painful to be going that slow and feel the anger rising within me (most often as subtly as mild frustration) and the projections of anger from those behind me.

Resistance is also a form of rebellion the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention: also opposition to authority; being unwilling to obey rules or accept normal standards of behaviour, dress, etc. So when I am in resistance I am also rebelling against God’s authority just as the first parents did.  I am beginning to understand this now but still there is a resistance in me to changing this.  I don’t want to be different.  I want to fit in.  I have wanted this all of my life and this is why I have created such an elaborate façade self.  A false sense of who I really am, created in order to avoid the pain I feel at being rejected for my real self. 

Finding my way back there is difficult, especially as I continue to hold on to resistance and act rebelliously.  I want to blame spirits with me for this rebellion and resistance but the truth is that while spirits may influence my behaviour they do so only because I allow it.  I am totally responsible for the effects of the resistance that I am feeling and I need to allow myself to feel what it is that I am gaining through this interaction with spirits and be willing to let that go and allow God in.  I’m not sure if I really want to do that.  Not yet anyway. Why is this? 

As I struggle to come to terms with my injured self I find myself looking for reassurance – a hand to hold – a smile – an encouraging word and I do not yet know how to get that directly from God.  I wish I could understand why this is so and how to change this.  For now all I can do is pray for God’s guidance but in my resistance and rebellion I don’t even feel worthy of that. I feel that as long as I hold on to resistance and rebellion I have no right to ask for God’s help and so I find myself in somewhat of a quandary.  What do I do now?  But if I have faith in a God who is all holy, loving, giving and merciful I have to believe that God will assist me through this rebellious phase as long as I am willing to face the truth and have the courage to accept full responsibility for this situation I now find myself in.  I have to trust that God is on my side and not push Him away as I have been doing.  I need to learn to be truly humble.  I need to learn to trust God completely or I will never become at one with Her (I use the feminine aspect of God here because I feel that it is the feminine that I am resisting the most and have the most difficulty connecting with at this point).

Please God, help me to let go of resistance and control.  Teach me to be truly humble.  Teach me to love myself so that I may be able to love others.

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I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and still find myself oscillating between resistance and passion and desire.  there is much here for me to learn still.  I hope it is of some assistance to you.

Love

Linda

20.01.13 

Reflections on Futility

This is part two of the challenge that Karen presented members of the Community team with. 

“Reflect upon futility.  There’s a whole world full of fences and not many people are wanting to take them down – metaphorically and literally.”

Reflections

What fences do I still have around my heart and what is preventing me from pulling these down?

When I reflected upon this I immediately saw a picture of a twisted, tangled mess of barbed wire around my heart – some old and rusty strands tangled in with others which were relatively new.  Some barbs I have been holding onto since childhood while others have recently been tangled into the mess of twisted confusion, fear and doubt.  First I must cut away the newer fences in order to access the older more painful barbs some of which dig into my heart causing it to bleed.  But true healing can only begin when I have the courage to grab the pliars and gently cut away and untangle the barbs one layer at a time, allowing the scratches and deeper wounds to heal slowly and completely.  If I were to pull fiercely at the tangled mess I would in all likelihood create great pain and distress.  The more loving approach is to remove the barbs slowly and completely, one at a time.  It is a slow process which requires patience, compassion and self-love without judgement.  Sometimes it will all seem too much for me and I will, and have, backed away in fear; but fear prevents me from moving forward so I must learn to trust and step into the fear having faith that God is guiding me in this process and helping me as much as I will allow Him to do so.  If I can apply this same process to the fences of the world I will come to understand that true change at a soul level is governed by love and truth and happens in stages – one step at a time.  I must be patient and be willing to remove my own fences, the barriers that I have to being more loving in my life.  I must learn to BE the change I want to see in the world as Ghandi taught and operate quietly in the background seeking neither approval nor recognition, but merely desiring to serve my brothers and sisters in love and truth and humility. I must remember that we are all on a unique journey and that God waits patiently for us to come to Him and never imposes His will upon us.  I must strive to become more God-like, anything else now seem futile.

Am I fully engaged in my passions and desires?

The short answer is NO and I can justify this until the cows come home but the truth is that I am not fully engaging my passions and desires because of fear – fear of making a mistake, fear of judgement, fear of condemnation, fear of being different.  But I am slowly allowing these passions and desires to gestate within my soul and feel that many are now preparing to be birthed in all of their glory and passion and in a way that will allow me to lovingly serve others and God using the gifts that He has given me.  I am now tentatively taking the first steps of desire, exploring my own soul, making mistakes and learning from these and then trying again in a more loving way.  I am finally beginning to learn what it means to allow God to teach me, and desiring to learn and uncover and grow these gifts that God has given me.

Do I want to develop my passions and desires in harmony with God’s Laws, Love and Truth and open my soul to learning from God?

Absolutely!  I have tried the other way – the path of self-reliance – the path of arrogance, wanting approval and recognition and it does not work – it is not sustainable because it is not loving either to myself or to others so now I find myself turning to God and wanting to learn to live God’s way, wanting to learn to love – myself and others.

Reflections on some Bible passage

1 John 2:15-17 …if any man love the world the love of the Father is not in him …

If I place greater priority upon the creation rather than the Creator I automatically limit myself.  This has been my path in the past – a path of self-reliance, not involving God much in the process and not trusting that God is a God if love and it has been a very limiting and debilitating path.  I am now choosing the path of God-reliance which being much harder is infinitely more rewarding.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 … I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view … I didn’t just want to talk about it, I wanted to be in on it …

When I let go of judgement and allow myself to experience things from a different perspective it will open my soul to new experiences and new truths.  I am only just beginning to understand this.  There have been so many times in my past when God has provided me with opportunities to enter the world of another and experience things from their point of view but my own arrogance and fear has prevented me from doing this – I chose self-reliance and self-justification over the opportunities that God was giving me and in so doing I have limited my growth and created more pain in my soul and the souls of others, the full force of which I must now feel and be repentant about if I am to truly heal my own soul and help to open the souls of others whom I have harmed to the potential of healing as well. Why then do I now expect that now that I have got it – at least intellectually – that others should get it as well.  This is the height of arrogance and exposes in me great errors uncovering the fears that I have been trying to avoid for most of my life – the fear of being different, fear of rejection, fear of condemnation, fear of judgement, fear of ridicule.  I want to hide and go unnoticed.  But hiding in fear does not allow me to enter a different world and consider a different perspective; it limits my growth and my potential and prevents God from teaching me in a loving way.

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There is still so much that I need to learn and chief amongst these is Humility.  I am still very much wanting to control everything about my life and still not trusting that God actually knows everything about me already and if I let go of my arrogance and pride then God will be able to teach me.  Arrogance and pride are such futile emotions and achieve nothing positive, so why then do I still guard them so closely?

Thank you Karen for givine me this opportunity to reflect more deeply upon the fences of my soul and the futile nature of the life I have been living for I realize now that anything other than true God-reliance is futile and limiting and I want to learn to be my true self, to be all that God created me to be - whatever that might be.  Please God, teach me to be truly Humble.

with love

Linda 

Open My Heart and Soul I Pray

This is a poem that I wrote a little while ago but as I re-read it now I realize that it is just as relevant now as I struggle to face the truth of the errors in my soul which prevent God's Love from entering me. I hope it helps.
love
Linda

Open my heart and soul I pray

Feeling angry, feeling sad

Feeling as though my whole life

I have been bad

Feeling lonely, feeling confused

Hating feeling that through my life

I have been abused

Feeling lost, feeling afraid

Not wanting to visit these places

Where my darkest secrets have been laid

Longing for guidance, longing for love

Will anyone answer my call

From Heaven above?

Pain in my body showing me truth

Resisting the messages of love

Preferring to remain aloof

Will I ever learn to let go and trust

That God’s ways are perfect

And surrender I must?

Open my heart and soul I pray

Help me face those hidden truths

That rack my soul

And keep Your Love at bay.

Open my heart and soul I pray

Give me courage to face the truth

Open my heart and my soul I pray

Teach me to surrender to Your way

Linda Munster

25.03.11

Clouds

I wrote this a little while ago but now that I re-read it I realize that it is as relevant today as it was then. I am still struggling with a deep causal emotion that I have been slowly working through over the past few months.  How little I understand about God and Her /Divine Love.  I want this to change!  I pray for the courage and the willingness to step deeply and completly into my fear and grief so that I might fully let go of all of my errors and and allow God's healing Love in.

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Clouds are rolling in across the valley floor now, floating softly through the air and forming a curtain of mist disguising the ridges behind them and temporarily changing the landscape.  But they do not sit still as they softly glide by, creating new vistas with every change as they rise up to meet the thicker band of cloud that is sitting atop the mountain and blocking it from view. 

It is darker now in the valley, grey and dull, but above the clouds a light shines through and a tiny speck of blue reminds me that nothing in God’s universe is permanent and that change is inevitable, even welcomed. 

So why then do I hold on so tightly to the things that cause me pain, not trusting this process, having no faith in the potential gain?  And yet right before me a transformation is taking place as soft clouds roll through the valley and lift gently over the mountains with such effortless ease and I am wondering what prevents me from gliding through this process of transformation of the soul?  What prevents me from embracing the changes in my soul, from grasping hold of those glimmers of light that have the power to lift me from the valley of despair and carry me over the mountains of doubt and fear into God’s loving embrace?  Why do I hold so tightly to the errors that cause me pain and keep me anchored to the valley floor?

As I silently observe God’s gifts unfolding across the sky I am greeted by a soft breeze, cool and fresh, lifting the clouds out of the valley so that they might merge with the vast sky and I can’t help but wonder what truth this is revealing to me?  Will God’s Love carry me out of my despair and beyond the restraints of my own soul to new heights where anything is possible?  Do I trust that this is possible?  Have I not already experienced the joy of soaring high on God’s Divine Love?  Why then do I still not trust this process unconditionally? What fear keeps me from relinquishing control to the Supreme Commander and allowing His Love and Laws to lead me where I need to go?

There is as yet so much that I still have to discover about my own soul, so many pains to feel and release and so much joy to experience.  I pray that with God’s help I will learn to fully embrace this process and to rejoice in the release of each error so that I might allow my soul to lift gently out of the valley of despair and learn to soar high upon the wings of God’s Love from where anything is possible and love and truth rule the day.

with love

Linda

Love is a gift

This is something that I have been reflecting upon a lot lately.  Hope it helps.

Love is a gift and it should be given freely.

Most people would agree with this statement, I agree with this statement!  The problem is that in all of the relationships that I have had in my life this has not been the case.  This is a harsh reality to face but it is nevertheless the truth.

As I continue to open my heart and soul to God’s Love and Truth I am coming to realize that every relationship that I have had in my life, including my soulmate relationship, has had conditions attached to it, addictions that I need to have met, unloving demands placed upon the recipient of this so-called love.  I ‘love’ you so you must love me back. I ‘love’ you so you must provide for me and keep me safe. I ‘love’ you so that you will be my friend etc. But this is NOT love, it is demand couched in unloving expectations and it is not a gift at all.  A gift should be freely offered without expectation or demand.

The Oxford Dictionary defines Gift as “the voluntary transfer of property without compensation”.  The trouble is that I am beginning to realize that I have given very little in my life as a true gift, I have always wanted something in return – love, recognition, acknowledgement, a gift in return, and this is not true giving, it is not love, it is demand born out of addiction.   How shocking it is to recognize this truth about myself! 

The truth is that I do not yet know how to truly love as God intended us to love – freely and without demand or expectation.

So how do I get to this place of being able to give freely and to love freely without demand or expectation? 

I am coming to realize that the only way to do this effectively is with God.  By gradually opening my heart and soul to God’s Truth, the errors in my soul can leave me and God’s Love can take their place.  And this process requires true humility, something that I am still struggling with and I realize that I do not yet really understand love. I do not yet know how to love unconditionally. I do not yet know how to give myself freely, from the heart without expectation or demand, and this is the biggest barrier that I face in my soulmate relationship, in all of my relationships.

 I wish that I could write that I finally understand love and that I am at last truly able to love unconditionally, but the truth is that I am only just beginning to understand love and in order to grow in love I must turn to God and ask Him to show we the truth of the errors in my soul that prevent love from blossoming there.  I must somehow find the courage to let go of all my old false beliefs around love and allow God to show me the truth.  I must be willing to learn to love God and myself first so that I can love others as God intended – freely and without expectation or demand.  And truthfully, right now I am struggling with this.  I am finding it difficult to let God love me the way She wants to, completely and freely, for God can only love me as much as I am willing to allow that love in.  I am struggling to accept that in order to love I must fully let go, for it is only in the letting go that love can truly blossom.

Please God, give me the courage and the willingness to let go of all of my false beliefs and expectations around love so that real love might fill my soul and I might learn to love freely and unconditionally in return.

with love

Linda

The Power of Love and Truth

The Power of Love and Truth

It has been some time since I posted anything here and I guess that I could easily come up with a dozen different excuses, but the truth is that I have been feeling into some fear around these postings especially now that I am aware that some of my family members occasionally follow my posts.  Funny isn’t it how easy it is to share your innermost thoughts and feelings when you feel you are under the veil of secrecy and how much more difficult that becomes when you feel ‘exposed’! 

So here I am stepping fully into the light and allowing the Law of Attraction to show me what I still need to learn and to feel.  So, over the coming weeks I will be posting much more honestly about my experiences over the past few months and allowing myself to feel whatever fear/grief/anger/shame might arise as a result of stepping more fully into truth.

I have recently returned from an amazing week at Uralla, just south of Armidale where I stayed with my beautiful friend Carina. I am noticing how much easier my life flows when I allow myself to follow my passions and desires.  I have had an interest (maybe even a passion) around Raw Food for some time but have not been allowing myself to fully engage in that.  There is always an excuse – it’s too fiddly, you have to think ahead, unsure of the menus and flavors – the list could go on but the truth is that I was avoiding a desire out of a feeling of unworthiness and a lack of self love.  Anyway, when I heard that Susan was running a Raw Food day at Kyabra I decide to attend, packed my bags and headed south for a week.  I have also had a desire to learn more about mediumship and to seek some guidance around developing my mediumship ability so I stayed for the mediumship discussion on the following Thursday.

A lot happened in this week – the weather was perfect – the Raw Food day was totally inspiring – I explored the area and discovered some beautiful spots around the area where I could be close to God – I caught up with some beautiful friends and met some amazing people – I learnt a bit about mediumship and about myself and I learnt more about the power of love and truth and this is what I really want to share with you.

On Wednesday night I had dinner with Dave and Alexis at their place and it was lovely to get to know them both a little better.  In the course of conversation after dinner Dave channeled his aunt who said that I had a group of dark spirits with me waiting for the opportunity to attack.  I felt into the truth of that and felt that my sister was with them.  Both Dave and Alexis are very strong mediums and they confirmed this for me.  Kathy has been in spirit for just about four years and I had felt that she was in quite a dark condition.  What transpired over the course of the next two to three hours was truly amazing. 

Alexis channeled the spirits and Dave spoke to them while I felt into what was happening and prayed for Divine Love.  It took a while but eventually a group of these spirits went with their celestial guides but my sister remained, angry, confused and adamant that the Catholic way was the only way.  At some point the roles change with Dave channeling Kathy and Alexis talking to her while I continued to try to feel what was going on and praying for Divine Love. 

Both of the boys could feel the pain in her body and her fear and confusion, I gave a brief outline of her medical history and of the cancer she suffered when she was thirteen years old.  She confirmed that she has been feeling this fear in her gut since she was a girl and she spoke a little about her experiences during the chemo and radium therapy and the ongoing effects of that.  What struck me about this whole process was how compassionate and patient both Dave and Alexis were and how much love I felt in the room. For the first time I began to understand what she had been through, not just when she was thirteen but over the many near death experiences that she endured throughout her life (six in all).  Alexis was very gentle in the way he introduced the Truth to Kathy and eventually she began to open up to the Truth, not only of what had happened to her but of what she was now doing to me by trying to control me and ‘correct’ my behaviour.  As she allowed herself to feel even a little Alexis could then point out that things had changed, she could see and feel the difference in her spirit body, but she was still very afraid and quite angry.  Eventually a shift occurred, maybe it was the love she began to feel from me, maybe it was the love and compassion she could feel from the boys, maybe she had received a little of God’s Love in this process, maybe it was a combination of all of this, but eventually she surrendered to the Truth quite deeply and I could now feel a big shift had taken place.  She was now ready to see our grandfather who had been present the whole time.  Pa has been in spirit for around fifty years and is now a beautiful Celestial spirit and one of my guides and Kathy was totally taken back by how bright and beautiful he is.  I know that she will be alright now. Pa has walked the journey that she will need to walk, he has let go of the false beliefs that he held onto dearly for such a long time and he understands her struggles.

Even as I write this I can feel the love that was present then and how deeply it affected not only Kathy but me as well and I am very grateful to God for the way His Laws are constructed to ensure that each and every one of His children has the opportunity to learn the Truth and to feel His Love.  This experience showed me how powerful it is when we allow ourselves to surrender fully to the Truth and allow Love in.

Thank you Dave and Alexis, I will always be grateful for the gift that you gave so freely and thank you Kathy for teaching me the power of Love and Truth and Surrender.  May God continue to bless and support you all on your journeys towards Love and Truth.

With much love

Linda

20.03.12

Wake Up and Dawn Gently Breaking

The end of the year is fast approaching closely followed by the dawning of the new year with all of its potential challenges, triumphs, joys and friendships. 

This morning I was reflecting a bit on this past year and the coming year and I came across these poems that I had written back in June.  I thought it would be appropriate to share them here.  They came to me following an early morning process, one of those rare times when I allow my soul to respond without resistance to a sleep state/dream state trigger no matter what the time of day or night. 

This is the gift that God gives me when I allow Love to prevail in my life.

Wake Up

Wake up, wake up

The day softly calls

New adventures to be had

Old memories to recall

God’s Love to discover

As He reshapes my soul.

Wake up, wake up

Come out and see

As God calls softly to me

To experience His Majesty

To soak in the warmth

Of His Divine Love

Flowing into my heart

from Heaven above

Dawn gently breaking

A soft glow is growing

As the darkness in my soul

With God’s Love is transforming

Into a gently glowing light for all the world to see

The power that God’s Love

Has over me

Reshaping my soul and making me whole

Slowly the light grows

As the sun peaks over the horizon

Slowly the day brightens and suddenly I see

That God transforms my soul

Just as He does each new day

Softly, slowly, gently

So as not to alarm

But rather to warm and to calm

Wake up, wake up

The day softly calls

New adventures to be had

Old memories to recall

God’s Love to discover

As He reshapes my soul.

03.06.11

Dawn gently breaking

Dawn gently breaking

A soft glow is growing

As the darkness of night

Gives way to a new day awakening.

The twinkling lights of the city

Fade in the distance

As the warm glowing sky

Offers no resistance

To the newness of the day

Beckoning me forth to go out and play

A kookaburra calls gladly

His laughter is catching

‘come play with me’ he calls

A chorus of song responding

As God’s creatures let me know

That a new day is beckoning

The warmth of the sunshine

Washers over a new day

Beckoning me to come out and play

To uncover the secrets of this unique day

And join in the chorus of praise

For all of God’s abundant gifts

A day full of promise and hope

Full of laughter and tears

Full of surprises and fears

As I allow God’s Love

To wash away my resistance

And to reveal the real me that She created.

Dawn gently breaking

A soft glow is growing

As the darkness of night

Gives way to a new day awakening

03.06.11