Arrogance, Truth and New Beginnings

 It has been some time since I last wrote – over a year in fact.  At the assistance group with Jesus, Mary and Cornelius last August I was confronted with some very uncomfortable truths which sent my world into a spin. It has taken me much of this time to return from the stratosphere of emotional turmoil and feel centered enough to start writing again. In this time I have been searching for the little pieces of my shattered soul in an attempt to begin the arduous task of piecing the puzzle back together again.  I am not sure if I am yet capable of tackling this task or even if I really want to at a soul level.  This is a massive revelation for me and it is really quite shocking.

At the end of July last year I attended a ten day retreat in the beautiful Monkeri Valley in the foothills of the Barrington Tops in New South Wales with Jesus, Mary and Cornelius.  They termed it the ‘Assistance Groups’  and the aim was to bring together  people who are interested in learning about God’s Truth and growing in Divine Love.  It was an immense privilege, I feel, to be invited to attend this workshop.

It can be very cold in this region at this time of year and we were blessed with beautiful winter’s weather – cold and fresh but not unbearably freezing as it had been a few weeks prior. I was extremely grateful that I was able to secure a single room as this gave me the space I needed to feel into the emotions that surfaced during the time there.

Over the course of the retreat Jesus, Mary and Cornelius expanded and deepened teachings that had already been presented on Truth, Love, God, the soul and more. And they offered their feedback (in a group setting) to a few who were brave enough to expose their errors publicly in a bid to grow in Love.

I recognize now, and this was a hugely shocking revelation for me, how arrogant I have become since awakening to God’s Truth and Love.  It is a trap that many fall into on this path, this Way to God.  But it really took a comment from Jesus, which hit me smack bang in the face, to wake me up. His comment (that I am assuming that John is my soulmate) totally took the wind out of my sails. 

What did this mean?

If you have read my earlier post on soulmates you will begin to see the depths of my dilemma.  This comment put me into such a spin that five months on I don’t think I have yet found my bearings.  Even now, some fourteen months on I am still struggling to find my way through the maze of confusion that has arisen as a result of this revelation.  Am I doing anything right? Has everything I have been doing been a lie? Has anything been real? How would I possibly know what is the truth and what is mischievous deception?

I cannot answer that yet – even now, over fourteen months later I still am not sure that I can answer that. I am still sifting through the debris of the fallout and trying to feel my way through this maze of lies, deception, truth, love, and hope.

Everything I think I know has been called into question.  Everything I thought I felt now has a dark cloud hanging over it. Everything.

I still feel strongly that John is my soulmate but I know that we are not in a soulmate relationship – not yet anyway.  This is something that we both must want wholeheartedly. It is something that can only happen when we both place God firmly at the center of our worlds.  And this is something that we both struggle with. While I feel that I have a strong desire for a relationship with God I have been forced to acknowledge, in a most shocking way, that I hold John up as my God.  And while ever I do this I am severely limiting my own progress towards having a real relationship with God.  It is impossible to have both. God must come first for any real progress to be made.

I am still reeling from this revelation.

I do not know what it means for me.  Am I strong enough, brave enough to desire a personal relationship with God above all else? I do not yet know. But I do know that I want to be.

There have been times when I have been very ragefull and resentful about the situation I now find myself in and many tears have been spilt as a result. But, what do I trust? What is the real truth? At this point I can’t answer that.  I have tried walking away from God and this Path to Love but that is too painful and the pull towards Love is too strong – I can’t do it.  At times I feel trapped and I get angry about that also.  But I have HUGE judgements about anger and I find it difficult to process through that.  The cushions and soft furnishings in the downstairs room are coping a great deal of bashing lately and the dust doesn’t settle for long! Old magazines are being torn to shreds in a bid to connect to and release some of the anger within my soul. But there is still so much yet to feel and at times I despair of ever breaking through the barriers that I have erected between me and God. 

I am learning just how unloving and destructive to the soul arrogance can be and how hard it is to let it go. I am also learning that the pull towards a relationship with God is stronger than any other kind of love that I have experienced and I am terrified of what that might mean for every other relationship.

I think I want 2016 to be the year for challenging addictions of every description – physical, emotional, food, relationships etc. Perhaps 2016 will be there year that I find the courage and the willingness to break down the barriers that prevent me from developing a relationship with God for real? Maybe this will be the year that I finally stop deceiving myself and learn to develop true humility? Because, in the end it doesn’t really matter right now if John is my soulmate, it only matters that love is the central premise of this and any other relationship.

And so I make this promise to myself – every day is a new beginning. Every day presents new opportunities to learn to love. I will strive to learn to let go of false teachings and unloving actions and thoughts – both about myself and others.  Every day I will reflect upon my thoughts and actions ask for forgiveness and guidance. Every day I will hold onto the hope that I truly am worthy of love and every day I will hold onto the faith I have that God is a loving, kind, forgiving and generous Being who wants all of His children (including me) to learn to grown in love and become at-one with Him.

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In a bid to help me break through some of these barriers to a real relationship with God, I was fortunate enough to work with a wonderful therapist in Ipswich.  The incredible lengthy sessions we have had together have focused mostly on assisting me to break through false beliefs and begin to see the truth about myself.  I have struggled with excess weight for many years and it doesn’t seem to matter what I try – nothing works – I can’t seem to shift the excess weight. I learnt from Linda that the emotions connected with the Thyroid is RAGE. If I can get past the blocks that I have about feeling and releasing the anger and rage that is buried deep within my soul (much of it generational) I can then begin to heal my body – but only then.   Working with Linda provided the permission I needed to feel the rage within my soul – but it is still a struggle and resistance is still high.

It is always reassuring to me to have the same message repeated by several different sources, this is when I know I need to pay attention. So when Linda began talking about many of the truths that I had been learning through Jesus and Mary I knew I was in the right place. It has been a huge gift to be able to work through some deeply buried issues in such a loving and accepting space and I feel blessed.

The other gift I have received in this time is the opportunity to work with a dear friend, Lainee, who has a gift for assisting others to access their deeper blocks. In the coming days and weeks I will share with you some of the revelations I have had following some profound emotional releases. From here on in I will endeavour to write regularly regardless of where I am at.  I hope and pray that I have scaled the barriers to growing humility but I wonder if in saying that I am displaying arrogance?  I do not know; but I do know that I have a strong desire to grow in Love and foster a relationship with God – my aim is to get to the place where my relationship with God becomes the most important relationship in my life – for all eternity. 

I hope that by sharing my journey with you, you might find little bits that will assist you in your own journey wherever that takes you.

Building Harmony With Humility

Well, once again it has been a while since I have written.  I have been away for a couple of weeks and boy did that trip highlight how much I still have to learn about humility! I have been in such denial of my soul over the past couple of months really and this trip really helped me to see that.

I am so very grateful that God's Love never wavers and is always waiting for us to open our soul's to its reception through our desire.  This past week I have been slowly letting go of resistance and endeavouring to allow myself to sink more comfortably into God-reliance.  So much resistance in me means that it is a slow process.

Today I would like to share with you a message from the Judas Channellings on Humility.  It has helped me greatly to 'get back on track' (so to speak).  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

Building Harmony With Humility

January 14th, 2002

Received by H.R.
Cuenca, Ecuador.

Hello H___, I see that you do not feel so well today. But allow me to give you some advice.
After Jesus’ death, the new church, which in fact was not a church as you understand it today, spread all over the Roman Empire, and even beyond its limits, towards Mesopotamia and India. In the big cities, communities formed of more or less influence in society, and their leaders were recognized by the faithful ones as the new apostles, messengers of the Glad Tidings.

These leaders, unfortunately, very soon fought between themselves, in a fight for power. And I am not necessarily referring to political power, but there were many disputes over who was right. This was a very lamentable, but also a very human development. Because in human movements, somebody has to decide where to go.

Now, when you have the impression that this is repeating, although your movement has not spread so spectacularly over the face of the earth, it is necessary to meditate and to not commit the same mistakes that have already been made once.

You have to learn how to control yourself and to try to lose your great pride. On many occasions we have pointed out that, in fact, humility is one of the most important characteristics that distinguish people who seek the Father's Love. Emotional outbreaks, as you showed recently, don't fit into the harmony amongst people, who are supposed to work together.

Instead of exploding and creating an open conflict, you could say, “I respect your ideas, but I don't agree with them." It is so simple. With that, you don't hurt anybody.

I believe that you understand that humility does not mean weakness. Be humble but firm, firm in your decisions and in your objectives. You are receiving guidance through us, as anyone may receive guidance through us. After all, we are but guides, you decide your destination, which is at-onement with God through His Love, and we try to guide you along the safest and most efficient road. You are the captain of your ship of life; I am your pilot, guiding your ship safely to the harbor of its destination. Also in your efforts for spreading the message of Love, we try to give you our advice. How can you spread a message of Love, if you are not capable of manifesting love in front of your neighbours?

Humility is strength, provided it is accompanied by steadfastness. And you can only have steadfastness, when you have faith, that is to say, the certain knowledge that what you are doing is the correct thing.

You remember that we once talked about the quarrel between the disciples over who was the first. None of them was prepared to assume a slave's work, preparing water and washing the others’ feet. Jesus did it. That is humility. Seeing how little his disciples understood of what he was preaching still did not lead him to give up his efforts to fulfil the Heavenly Father's Will. Even seeing the risk he ran did not lead him to abandon his mission and to seek less dangerous roads. This is what I call steadfastness.

What actually distinguishes a great soul, are the qualities of love, humility and steadfastness.

Collaborate in everything, where you feel the impulse to collaborate. If something displeases you, say so immediately, and so you will avoid future confrontations.

This is all for today. It is a simple advice. Be firm in your decisions, be generous with others, and whatever you do, do it with love. If you cannot put your love in some action, let it go.

Your brother in Heaven,

Judas

Humility Interview 2 – Practical Aspects of Humility

There has been a lot going on over the past few weeks - my youngest daughter's wedding took precedence and brought with it much that I needed to feel, hence the delay in this next post on Humility.  This is my reflections on the second Interview with Jesus and Mary on Humility. 

In black you will find the notes I took during the talk and in green are my deeper and more personal reflections on those points. I hope this is of some benefit to you in your own journey towards love.

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If you do not feel God's Love flowing into your heart it is a sign that you are not humble or do not have a desire for God's love in that moment. There are times when I feel God's Love flowing into my heart but it is still not a moment by moment basis. At these times this Love is so overwhelming I can't help but cry for the joy of receiving it.

Humility is the cornerstone of the Way to God and we don't need anything else.

This is why it is so important to develop humility.  Through humility I can grow my relationship with God.

Judgement is a form of arrogance.  How am I judging myself? How am I judging others? Lack of judgement is a sign of growing humility.

Judgement is something that I have struggled with a lot but notice that I am becoming much less judgemental of others and of myself but it is my relationship with myself that I still struggle with at times.  It is hard letting go of judgement when you have had a lifetime of judgement projected at you – it almost seems 'normal'.

When I am invested in the opinions of others I am preventing my connection with God.

This is a big one for me and it is challenging learning to let it go.  I have spent most of my life seeking out the approval of others in order to feel some sort of self-worth so to now be challenged to let this go is difficult and very confronting but I want to know my real self so I have to let go of the opinions of others and learn to trust God's opinion of me instead.  It is a work in progress.

God only connects with me as I truly am. She cannot connect with the façade.

I feel that this is the most difficult task I have ever undertaken – to find my real self, buried deep beneath the façade that has been created to hide the pain. But I want this connection with God and it is slowly becoming the greatest desire of my soul – slowly!

Humility = a wholehearted desire to feel all of my emotions as they arise and leads to me making my relationship with God my first priority.  Humility is a passionate burning desire to feel without addiction. When I am truly humble my longing for God will be stronger than my longing for any other experience and I will not be invested in the opinions of others.

I still struggle with this.  There constantly seems to be some manufactured excuse why it is not appropriate to feel my real self in any given situation.  But I am becoming more humble to my real self and I am slowly, very slowly, learning to honour my soul and my relationship with God.

When I avoid being humble I am in that moment worrying more about my relationship with others or myself over my relationship with God. This is still an issue for me but becoming less so. Am I willing to lose everything in order to have this relationship with God? Honestly?  I struggle with this.  My addiction to security and safety and reassurance is still very strong but I am feeling a growing desire to challenge this addiction.

Is my relationship with God my first and highest priority?  Not yet. If not, why not? What is blocking my relationship with God? Fear mostly and I need to challenge this if I am ever to get past this block to my relationship with God.

There can be NO addiction in my relationship with God (addiction is born out of fear and a willingness to avoid my real self and God will only connect with my real self). What is the investment that I have with my errors that block my relationship with God?

If I am honest here I will admit that I still feel that I want or need the approval of others. I want to be liked and respected which indicates that I did not feel liked or respected as a child. There is still much pain here for me to feel especially around the way children were treated in Catholic schools when I was growing up.  Fear was a powerful weapon in gaining submission and control and I still find it difficult to face my fear.  With God's help I will get through this.

When I have a truly passionate desire for God my relationship with God becomes my highest priority and I will be humble in every interaction I have with all of God's creation.

I feel that this is, and will continue to be, a work in progress until I become at one with God.

When I fully embrace my relationship with God every other relationship WILL be challenged. Don't I know it!!!

Humility will never attempt to shut down or reprogram my emotions (doesn’t engage in addictive behaviour).  Humility will engage every situation that will help me connect to God and my real self. I am slowly learning this.

Humility gives up control and embraces life fully (without fear). This is a tough one – giving up control!  In order to avoid my pain I have learnt to control everything around me.  Letting go of control is very challenging but also rewarding because when I do let of of control I am letting God direct  my life and who better to have at the helm than the supreme commander of the universe and all that is? When I am humble I will not try to juggle my life or control every situation, I will allow God to show me the way forward. Letting go of control is HARD!!

When I am humble I will be willing to embrace emotional terror and not try to manage it.

I struggle, struggle, struggle with this and pray for God's assistance.

Humility never gets angry, resentful or blaming of others, the environment or the situation.

When you are humble you will not feel that you have to give up anything.  Do I really have anything without God?

I feel that I am getting better at this – letting go of anger or resentment and allowing myself to feel what is beneath it – most of the time!

Humility has faith that God WILL provide everything that I will ever need.

So to challenge this fear that I have that God won't bother about me, I need to step into the fear and risk everything trusting that I am truly the creates of God's creation, the most wonderful of Her handiwork and the object of Her love and tenderest care.  If God provides everything for all of Her other creatures surely She will provide for me.  Right?  This still feels scary to me at the moment.

When I am humble I will be willing to be as I truly am and to take full responsibility for EVERY aspect of my life.

I feel that I am growing here – slowly.

Humility recognizes that I am the only person who is capable of changing me and when I do this with God's help the process is faster and complete.

When I began this process I found I was constantly wanting to shift the blame, wanting someone else to take responsibility and take away my pain.  I wanted to be rescued. But God does not rescue and I have had to learn to be fully responsible for all the errors that are in my soul no matter how they got there.  It doesn't matter how the errors got into my soul – they are there and I have acted upon them to cause further error – mostly by trying to avoid the pain or cover it up.  So now it is up to me to release the error – no one else can do that for me because no one else fully knows the extent of the error and the pain in my soul.  God can assist with this process but only when I am willing to take full responsibility and acknowledge the extent of the pain within me and the pain I have caused others because of these errors. Humility teaches that I must honour myself – my entire experience. If I am willing to do this I will be willing to feel all of my pain and release it.

Humility acknowledges my own unloving behaviour without minimization or dismissal.

When I am truly humble I will desire with all of my heart to experience the Law of compensation.  I won't avoid acknowledging my own unloving behaviour and I will want to know the full extent of the harm I have caused others (especially my own children). A humble heart is repentant and contrite about their unloving actions.

Repentance is a powerful healer and helps to fast-track the healing process. I have shed many tears for the harm I have caused my children and others due to the errors in my soul and there are many more still to flow.  There is still much resistance to this at times but when I am humble God can assist me in the process and the reward of His love flowing into my soul is worth every tear shed, every pain felt.

Humility is NOT self-punishment.  Self-punishment is a form of arrogance.

Unfortunately the subtleties of self- punishment make it easy to dismiss but I am learning that when I refuse to be humble and allow the full expression of my pain I am punishing myself.  Why?

When I am truly humble I will desire wholeheartedly to feel the causal emotion in me about my unloving behaviour regardless of what that emotion is. When I am truly humble I won't need courage I will just Feel.

Again, I still have a long way to go to be at this point, I still need lots of courage to get me into and through an emotional error and into truth and love.

Humility is a desire to become a trusting child of God again – soft, open, vulnerable, honest and sensitive. This desire is growing.

Humility opens the doorway to Love and Truth – lack of humility blocks your connection with your guides. In order to feel Love you need to be humble and soft.

My connection with my guides is still haphazard at best so I know I have a lot to learn about putting humility into practice.

Questions for Reflection.

1.     Do I tend to justify or minimize anger or rage? Yes – often. I am afraid of anger and often want to avoid it.

2.     Do I have a strong resistance to feeling my fear? Yes – if I didn't I would allow the expression of fear without judgement or trying to control it.  But I am more accepting og allowing the experience of my fear than I am of anger.

3.     Do I use my intellect to tell myself that I am over that now? No.  If anything it is the opposite.  I tend to tell myself that there is still more to go.  I find it hard to accept that God could have healed that part of my soul.

4.     Do I resist seeing the damage that I have done and avoid taking full responsibility for the harm I have caused? I don't think so.  I have a huge desire to learn to love and part of that is taking responsibility for the harm I have caused and correcting that.

5.     Do I want someone to rescue me? Often I do but this is growing less and my desire to take full personal responsibility grows.

Humility opens the door to Truth, Truth opens the door to Divine Love and Divine Love leads to the transformation of the soul.  Must learn to be Humble if we want to become a Divine Child of God.