There has been a lot going on over the past few weeks - my youngest daughter's wedding took precedence and brought with it much that I needed to feel, hence the delay in this next post on Humility. This is my reflections on the second Interview with Jesus and Mary on Humility.
In black you will find the notes I took during the talk and in green are my deeper and more personal reflections on those points. I hope this is of some benefit to you in your own journey towards love.
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Humility is the cornerstone of the Way to God and we don't
need anything else.
This is why it is so important to develop humility. Through humility I can grow my relationship
with God.
Judgement is a form of arrogance. How am I judging myself? How am I judging
others? Lack of judgement is a sign of growing humility.
Judgement is something that I have struggled with a lot but
notice that I am becoming much less judgemental of others and of myself but it
is my relationship with myself that I still struggle with at times. It is hard letting go of judgement when you
have had a lifetime of judgement projected at you – it almost seems 'normal'.
When I am invested in the opinions of others I am preventing
my connection with God.
This is a big one for me and it is challenging learning to
let it go. I have spent most of my life
seeking out the approval of others in order to feel some sort of self-worth so
to now be challenged to let this go is difficult and very confronting but I
want to know my real self so I have to let go of the opinions of others and
learn to trust God's opinion of me instead.
It is a work in progress.
God only connects with me as I truly am. She cannot connect
with the façade.
I feel that this is the most difficult task I have ever
undertaken – to find my real self, buried deep beneath the façade that has been
created to hide the pain. But I want this connection with God and it is slowly
becoming the greatest desire of my soul – slowly!
Humility = a wholehearted desire to feel all of my emotions
as they arise and leads to me making my relationship with God my first
priority. Humility is a passionate
burning desire to feel without addiction. When I am truly humble my longing for
God will be stronger than my longing for any other experience and I will not be
invested in the opinions of others.
I still struggle with this.
There constantly seems to be some manufactured excuse why it is not
appropriate to feel my real self in any given situation. But I am becoming more humble to my real self
and I am slowly, very slowly, learning to honour my soul and my relationship
with God.
When I avoid being humble I am in that moment worrying more
about my relationship with others or myself over my relationship with God. This is still
an issue for me but becoming less so. Am I willing to lose everything in
order to have this relationship with God? Honestly? I struggle with this. My addiction to security and safety and
reassurance is still very strong but I am feeling a growing desire to challenge
this addiction.
Is my relationship with God my first and highest
priority? Not yet. If not, why not?
What is blocking my relationship with God? Fear mostly and I need to challenge
this if I am ever to get past this block to my relationship with God.
There can be NO addiction in my relationship with God
(addiction is born out of fear and a willingness to avoid my real self and God
will only connect with my real self). What is the investment that I have with
my errors that block my relationship with God?
If I am honest here I will admit that I still feel that I
want or need the approval of others. I want to be liked and respected which
indicates that I did not feel liked or respected as a child. There is still
much pain here for me to feel especially around the way children were treated
in Catholic schools when I was growing up.
Fear was a powerful weapon in gaining submission and control and I still
find it difficult to face my fear. With
God's help I will get through this.
When I have a truly passionate desire for God my
relationship with God becomes my highest priority and I will be humble in every
interaction I have with all of God's creation.
I feel that this is, and will continue to be, a work in
progress until I become at one with God.
When I fully embrace my relationship with God every other
relationship WILL be challenged. Don't I know it!!!
Humility will never attempt to shut down or reprogram my
emotions (doesn’t engage in addictive behaviour). Humility will engage every situation that
will help me connect to God and my real self. I am slowly learning this.
Humility gives up control and embraces life fully (without
fear). This
is a tough one – giving up control! In
order to avoid my pain I have learnt to control everything around me. Letting go of control is very challenging but
also rewarding because when I do let of of control I am letting God direct my life and who better to have at the helm
than the supreme commander of the universe and all that is? When I am humble I will not try to
juggle my life or control every situation, I will allow God to show me the way
forward. Letting go of control is HARD!!
When I am humble I will be willing to embrace emotional
terror and not try to manage it.
I struggle, struggle, struggle with this and pray for God's
assistance.
Humility never gets angry, resentful or blaming of others,
the environment or the situation.
When you are humble you will not feel that you have to give
up anything. Do I really have anything
without God?
I feel that I am getting better at this – letting go of
anger or resentment and allowing myself to feel what is beneath it – most of
the time!
Humility has faith that God WILL provide everything that I
will ever need.
So to challenge this fear that I have that God won't bother
about me, I need to step into the fear and risk everything trusting that I am
truly the creates of God's creation, the most wonderful of Her handiwork and
the object of Her love and tenderest care.
If God provides everything for all of Her other creatures surely She
will provide for me. Right? This still feels scary to me at the moment.
When I am humble I will be willing to be as I truly am and
to take full responsibility for EVERY aspect of my life.
I feel that I am growing here – slowly.
Humility recognizes that I am the only person who is capable
of changing me and when I do this with God's help the process is faster and
complete.
When I began this process I found I was constantly wanting
to shift the blame, wanting someone else to take responsibility and take away
my pain. I wanted to be rescued. But God
does not rescue and I have had to learn to be fully responsible for all the
errors that are in my soul no matter how they got there. It doesn't matter how the errors got into my
soul – they are there and I have acted upon them to cause further error –
mostly by trying to avoid the pain or cover it up. So now it is up to me to release the error –
no one else can do that for me because no one else fully knows the extent of
the error and the pain in my soul. God
can assist with this process but only when I am willing to take full
responsibility and acknowledge the extent of the pain within me and the pain I
have caused others because of these errors. Humility teaches that I must
honour myself – my entire experience. If I am willing to do this I will be willing to
feel all of my pain and release it.
Humility acknowledges my own unloving behaviour without
minimization or dismissal.
When I am truly humble I will desire with all of my heart to
experience the Law of compensation. I
won't avoid acknowledging my own unloving behaviour and I will want to know the
full extent of the harm I have caused others (especially my own children). A
humble heart is repentant and contrite about their unloving actions.
Repentance is a powerful healer and helps to fast-track the
healing process. I have shed many tears for the harm I have caused my children
and others due to the errors in my soul and there are many more still to
flow. There is still much resistance to
this at times but when I am humble God can assist me in the process and the
reward of His love flowing into my soul is worth every tear shed, every pain
felt.
Humility is NOT self-punishment. Self-punishment is a form of arrogance.
Unfortunately the subtleties of self- punishment make it
easy to dismiss but I am learning that when I refuse to be humble and allow the
full expression of my pain I am punishing myself. Why?
When I am truly humble I will desire wholeheartedly to feel
the causal emotion in me about my unloving behaviour regardless of what that
emotion is. When I am truly humble I won't need courage I will just Feel.
Again, I still have a long way to go to be at this point, I
still need lots of courage to get me into and through an emotional error and
into truth and love.
Humility is a desire to become a trusting child of God again
– soft, open, vulnerable, honest and sensitive. This desire is growing.
Humility opens the doorway to Love and Truth – lack of
humility blocks your connection with your guides. In order to feel Love you
need to be humble and soft.
My connection with my guides is still haphazard at best so
I know I have a lot to learn about putting humility into practice.
Questions for
Reflection.
1.
Do I tend to justify or minimize anger or rage? Yes – often. I
am afraid of anger and often want to avoid it.
2.
Do I have a strong resistance to feeling my
fear? Yes
– if I didn't I would allow the expression of fear without judgement or trying
to control it. But I am more accepting
og allowing the experience of my fear than I am of anger.
3.
Do I use my intellect to tell myself that I am
over that now? No. If anything it is the
opposite. I tend to tell myself that
there is still more to go. I find it
hard to accept that God could have healed that part of my soul.
4.
Do I resist seeing the damage that I have done
and avoid taking full responsibility for the harm I have caused? I don't think
so. I have a huge desire to learn to
love and part of that is taking responsibility for the harm I have caused and
correcting that.
5.
Do I want someone to rescue me? Often I do but
this is growing less and my desire to take full personal responsibility grows.
Humility opens the door to Truth, Truth opens the door to
Divine Love and Divine Love leads to the transformation of the soul. Must learn to be Humble if we want to become
a Divine Child of God.
