Building Harmony With Humility

Well, once again it has been a while since I have written.  I have been away for a couple of weeks and boy did that trip highlight how much I still have to learn about humility! I have been in such denial of my soul over the past couple of months really and this trip really helped me to see that.

I am so very grateful that God's Love never wavers and is always waiting for us to open our soul's to its reception through our desire.  This past week I have been slowly letting go of resistance and endeavouring to allow myself to sink more comfortably into God-reliance.  So much resistance in me means that it is a slow process.

Today I would like to share with you a message from the Judas Channellings on Humility.  It has helped me greatly to 'get back on track' (so to speak).  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

Building Harmony With Humility

January 14th, 2002

Received by H.R.
Cuenca, Ecuador.

Hello H___, I see that you do not feel so well today. But allow me to give you some advice.
After Jesus’ death, the new church, which in fact was not a church as you understand it today, spread all over the Roman Empire, and even beyond its limits, towards Mesopotamia and India. In the big cities, communities formed of more or less influence in society, and their leaders were recognized by the faithful ones as the new apostles, messengers of the Glad Tidings.

These leaders, unfortunately, very soon fought between themselves, in a fight for power. And I am not necessarily referring to political power, but there were many disputes over who was right. This was a very lamentable, but also a very human development. Because in human movements, somebody has to decide where to go.

Now, when you have the impression that this is repeating, although your movement has not spread so spectacularly over the face of the earth, it is necessary to meditate and to not commit the same mistakes that have already been made once.

You have to learn how to control yourself and to try to lose your great pride. On many occasions we have pointed out that, in fact, humility is one of the most important characteristics that distinguish people who seek the Father's Love. Emotional outbreaks, as you showed recently, don't fit into the harmony amongst people, who are supposed to work together.

Instead of exploding and creating an open conflict, you could say, “I respect your ideas, but I don't agree with them." It is so simple. With that, you don't hurt anybody.

I believe that you understand that humility does not mean weakness. Be humble but firm, firm in your decisions and in your objectives. You are receiving guidance through us, as anyone may receive guidance through us. After all, we are but guides, you decide your destination, which is at-onement with God through His Love, and we try to guide you along the safest and most efficient road. You are the captain of your ship of life; I am your pilot, guiding your ship safely to the harbor of its destination. Also in your efforts for spreading the message of Love, we try to give you our advice. How can you spread a message of Love, if you are not capable of manifesting love in front of your neighbours?

Humility is strength, provided it is accompanied by steadfastness. And you can only have steadfastness, when you have faith, that is to say, the certain knowledge that what you are doing is the correct thing.

You remember that we once talked about the quarrel between the disciples over who was the first. None of them was prepared to assume a slave's work, preparing water and washing the others’ feet. Jesus did it. That is humility. Seeing how little his disciples understood of what he was preaching still did not lead him to give up his efforts to fulfil the Heavenly Father's Will. Even seeing the risk he ran did not lead him to abandon his mission and to seek less dangerous roads. This is what I call steadfastness.

What actually distinguishes a great soul, are the qualities of love, humility and steadfastness.

Collaborate in everything, where you feel the impulse to collaborate. If something displeases you, say so immediately, and so you will avoid future confrontations.

This is all for today. It is a simple advice. Be firm in your decisions, be generous with others, and whatever you do, do it with love. If you cannot put your love in some action, let it go.

Your brother in Heaven,

Judas

Humility Interview 2 – Practical Aspects of Humility

There has been a lot going on over the past few weeks - my youngest daughter's wedding took precedence and brought with it much that I needed to feel, hence the delay in this next post on Humility.  This is my reflections on the second Interview with Jesus and Mary on Humility. 

In black you will find the notes I took during the talk and in green are my deeper and more personal reflections on those points. I hope this is of some benefit to you in your own journey towards love.

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If you do not feel God's Love flowing into your heart it is a sign that you are not humble or do not have a desire for God's love in that moment. There are times when I feel God's Love flowing into my heart but it is still not a moment by moment basis. At these times this Love is so overwhelming I can't help but cry for the joy of receiving it.

Humility is the cornerstone of the Way to God and we don't need anything else.

This is why it is so important to develop humility.  Through humility I can grow my relationship with God.

Judgement is a form of arrogance.  How am I judging myself? How am I judging others? Lack of judgement is a sign of growing humility.

Judgement is something that I have struggled with a lot but notice that I am becoming much less judgemental of others and of myself but it is my relationship with myself that I still struggle with at times.  It is hard letting go of judgement when you have had a lifetime of judgement projected at you – it almost seems 'normal'.

When I am invested in the opinions of others I am preventing my connection with God.

This is a big one for me and it is challenging learning to let it go.  I have spent most of my life seeking out the approval of others in order to feel some sort of self-worth so to now be challenged to let this go is difficult and very confronting but I want to know my real self so I have to let go of the opinions of others and learn to trust God's opinion of me instead.  It is a work in progress.

God only connects with me as I truly am. She cannot connect with the façade.

I feel that this is the most difficult task I have ever undertaken – to find my real self, buried deep beneath the façade that has been created to hide the pain. But I want this connection with God and it is slowly becoming the greatest desire of my soul – slowly!

Humility = a wholehearted desire to feel all of my emotions as they arise and leads to me making my relationship with God my first priority.  Humility is a passionate burning desire to feel without addiction. When I am truly humble my longing for God will be stronger than my longing for any other experience and I will not be invested in the opinions of others.

I still struggle with this.  There constantly seems to be some manufactured excuse why it is not appropriate to feel my real self in any given situation.  But I am becoming more humble to my real self and I am slowly, very slowly, learning to honour my soul and my relationship with God.

When I avoid being humble I am in that moment worrying more about my relationship with others or myself over my relationship with God. This is still an issue for me but becoming less so. Am I willing to lose everything in order to have this relationship with God? Honestly?  I struggle with this.  My addiction to security and safety and reassurance is still very strong but I am feeling a growing desire to challenge this addiction.

Is my relationship with God my first and highest priority?  Not yet. If not, why not? What is blocking my relationship with God? Fear mostly and I need to challenge this if I am ever to get past this block to my relationship with God.

There can be NO addiction in my relationship with God (addiction is born out of fear and a willingness to avoid my real self and God will only connect with my real self). What is the investment that I have with my errors that block my relationship with God?

If I am honest here I will admit that I still feel that I want or need the approval of others. I want to be liked and respected which indicates that I did not feel liked or respected as a child. There is still much pain here for me to feel especially around the way children were treated in Catholic schools when I was growing up.  Fear was a powerful weapon in gaining submission and control and I still find it difficult to face my fear.  With God's help I will get through this.

When I have a truly passionate desire for God my relationship with God becomes my highest priority and I will be humble in every interaction I have with all of God's creation.

I feel that this is, and will continue to be, a work in progress until I become at one with God.

When I fully embrace my relationship with God every other relationship WILL be challenged. Don't I know it!!!

Humility will never attempt to shut down or reprogram my emotions (doesn’t engage in addictive behaviour).  Humility will engage every situation that will help me connect to God and my real self. I am slowly learning this.

Humility gives up control and embraces life fully (without fear). This is a tough one – giving up control!  In order to avoid my pain I have learnt to control everything around me.  Letting go of control is very challenging but also rewarding because when I do let of of control I am letting God direct  my life and who better to have at the helm than the supreme commander of the universe and all that is? When I am humble I will not try to juggle my life or control every situation, I will allow God to show me the way forward. Letting go of control is HARD!!

When I am humble I will be willing to embrace emotional terror and not try to manage it.

I struggle, struggle, struggle with this and pray for God's assistance.

Humility never gets angry, resentful or blaming of others, the environment or the situation.

When you are humble you will not feel that you have to give up anything.  Do I really have anything without God?

I feel that I am getting better at this – letting go of anger or resentment and allowing myself to feel what is beneath it – most of the time!

Humility has faith that God WILL provide everything that I will ever need.

So to challenge this fear that I have that God won't bother about me, I need to step into the fear and risk everything trusting that I am truly the creates of God's creation, the most wonderful of Her handiwork and the object of Her love and tenderest care.  If God provides everything for all of Her other creatures surely She will provide for me.  Right?  This still feels scary to me at the moment.

When I am humble I will be willing to be as I truly am and to take full responsibility for EVERY aspect of my life.

I feel that I am growing here – slowly.

Humility recognizes that I am the only person who is capable of changing me and when I do this with God's help the process is faster and complete.

When I began this process I found I was constantly wanting to shift the blame, wanting someone else to take responsibility and take away my pain.  I wanted to be rescued. But God does not rescue and I have had to learn to be fully responsible for all the errors that are in my soul no matter how they got there.  It doesn't matter how the errors got into my soul – they are there and I have acted upon them to cause further error – mostly by trying to avoid the pain or cover it up.  So now it is up to me to release the error – no one else can do that for me because no one else fully knows the extent of the error and the pain in my soul.  God can assist with this process but only when I am willing to take full responsibility and acknowledge the extent of the pain within me and the pain I have caused others because of these errors. Humility teaches that I must honour myself – my entire experience. If I am willing to do this I will be willing to feel all of my pain and release it.

Humility acknowledges my own unloving behaviour without minimization or dismissal.

When I am truly humble I will desire with all of my heart to experience the Law of compensation.  I won't avoid acknowledging my own unloving behaviour and I will want to know the full extent of the harm I have caused others (especially my own children). A humble heart is repentant and contrite about their unloving actions.

Repentance is a powerful healer and helps to fast-track the healing process. I have shed many tears for the harm I have caused my children and others due to the errors in my soul and there are many more still to flow.  There is still much resistance to this at times but when I am humble God can assist me in the process and the reward of His love flowing into my soul is worth every tear shed, every pain felt.

Humility is NOT self-punishment.  Self-punishment is a form of arrogance.

Unfortunately the subtleties of self- punishment make it easy to dismiss but I am learning that when I refuse to be humble and allow the full expression of my pain I am punishing myself.  Why?

When I am truly humble I will desire wholeheartedly to feel the causal emotion in me about my unloving behaviour regardless of what that emotion is. When I am truly humble I won't need courage I will just Feel.

Again, I still have a long way to go to be at this point, I still need lots of courage to get me into and through an emotional error and into truth and love.

Humility is a desire to become a trusting child of God again – soft, open, vulnerable, honest and sensitive. This desire is growing.

Humility opens the doorway to Love and Truth – lack of humility blocks your connection with your guides. In order to feel Love you need to be humble and soft.

My connection with my guides is still haphazard at best so I know I have a lot to learn about putting humility into practice.

Questions for Reflection.

1.     Do I tend to justify or minimize anger or rage? Yes – often. I am afraid of anger and often want to avoid it.

2.     Do I have a strong resistance to feeling my fear? Yes – if I didn't I would allow the expression of fear without judgement or trying to control it.  But I am more accepting og allowing the experience of my fear than I am of anger.

3.     Do I use my intellect to tell myself that I am over that now? No.  If anything it is the opposite.  I tend to tell myself that there is still more to go.  I find it hard to accept that God could have healed that part of my soul.

4.     Do I resist seeing the damage that I have done and avoid taking full responsibility for the harm I have caused? I don't think so.  I have a huge desire to learn to love and part of that is taking responsibility for the harm I have caused and correcting that.

5.     Do I want someone to rescue me? Often I do but this is growing less and my desire to take full personal responsibility grows.

Humility opens the door to Truth, Truth opens the door to Divine Love and Divine Love leads to the transformation of the soul.  Must learn to be Humble if we want to become a Divine Child of God.

Forgiveness

As I continue to work my way through the errors in my soul I find that I continually stumble at understanding forgiveness - especially forgiveness of myself for all the hurt I have caused through acting out in my fears and errors.  I am eternally grateful for the patience and love of my Celestial guides who wait patiently for me to be ready to hear what they want to teach me.  Recently one of my guides, Peter shared this with me on forgiveness.  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

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True forgiveness is allowing God’s Love to wash over you and replace the hurt that you hold inside about the event that caused you pain.

True forgiveness is unconditional love and compassion.

True forgiveness holds no memory of pain.

True forgiveness is love.

True forgiveness can only be achieved when we allow ourselves to feel the full extent of our pain and let it go.

True forgiveness replaces every negative thought or feeling that we have about that event with truth and love.

True forgiveness brings a deep and lasting peace that can never be shattered.

With true forgiveness only love remains.

You need to be willing to accept forgiveness as well as to forgive.  God has already forgiven you – now it is up to you to forgive yourself. There is nothing that God cannot forgive.  He has already forgiven.  Let go of self-punishment and trust this.

Question: how do I let go of self-punishment?

Write this down repeatedly:

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself.

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself.

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself.

God loves me.  God has already forgiven me. I am loved. I am forgiven. Now I forgive myself. Now I can learn to love myself. I AM LOVED. I AM FORGIVEN.

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I am very grateful to Peter for his guidance and am continuing to work through this – but my resistance has been strong and progress has been slow.  I am eternally grateful for God’s patience and guidance and for the assistance of my guides. I pray that this post will be of assistance to you also.

With much love

Linda

Connecting to Mother God and Facing Personal Truth

For most of my life I have struggled to connect with Mother God.  I was taught that God was a wrathful, vengeful male who would exact punishment for my every wrongdoing. God is my Father.  Not until I was in my forties did I consider that God could also be my Mother.  And this brought up a lot of confusion and guilt for me.  Would I be struck down for daring to consider that there was a Feminine nature to God?  After all, the Catholic Church has promoted a very masculine and powerful God and this seemed to be supported by teachings in the Bible. Who was I then, to even consider challenging this concept?

Then I met AJ Miller, a man claiming to be Jesus of the first century.  And I began to question everything I thought I knew about God.  The bible teaches us that God created Man in His image.  If this is a truth and God created both male and female, would it not then stand to reason that God must also have both masculine and feminine qualities?  Could it be that God is both my Mother and my Father? 

If I allow myself to feel God’s truth on this matter I can see that there are distinct differences between the masculine and feminine qualities of Mankind.  Surely then this would indicate that God, the Supreme Creator of all that is, would also have distinct masculine and feminine qualities? If not how would He know what the feminine was?

I feel that this is the truth but I struggle to connect to my Mother God.  Why is this?   

In an attempt to connect more fully with my Mother God I have again listened to the talk on “Emotions and the Mother Taboo” . At around 51mins into the talk AJ shared this statement “When you suppress anger what finishes up happening is called resentment … if you are a woman suppressing anger towards mother you’re going to end up resenting yourself as a woman as well as resenting your mother.  It is the same if you are a man suppressing your anger towards your father.” And I had to accept the truth that I do indeed resent myself as a woman. I do not yet know how to love myself as a woman, warts and all.

Unless I am willing to face the truth of these emotions in my soul I will never be able to fully connect to my Mother God. I have been praying about this a lot lately and finally found the courage to write honestly about how I feel about the feminine.  It has taken me three and a half years to get to this point (I’m a bit stubborn and a low learner)! This is an exercise I would encourage everyone to do – both towards the feminine and the masculine.  I will not share the list with you here as it is long – a couple of pages – but I will share how I came up with the list. 

After praying to God to show me the truth about how I feel about the feminine I wrote whatever came to mind about women – every woman I have ever had a negative encounter with – my mother, teachers, nuns, acquaintances, friends, sisters, colleagues, shop assistants – and rolled them all into one ‘she’.  I included everything I could remember from when I felt hurt or betrayed by a woman (and I’m sure there are more still to be included).  This has been a very cathartic experience and has brought up a lot of anger, rage and grief for me to feel into. As I was feeling into some aspects of my ‘list’ I began to realize that I myself have some of these traits that have caused me so much pain and that I too have inflicted pain upon others because of these unhealed errors in my soul – more grief, remorse and shame flowed!  Unfortunately the objects of this pain has all too often been our children.  I asked God these questions - How could I do this to them?  Why did I do this to them?

And this is what I realized about myself:

I didn’t want to feel powerless. I wanted to feel in control.

I wanted to be respected – not brushed aside.

I wanted to be listened to – not ignored.

I didn’t want to feel how out of control my life felt – how powerless I felt.  I wanted to feel powerful.

I wanted to be noticed – not ignored.

At times I allowed anger to take control. I didn’t care about the children in these instances, about how they felt – I only wanted to avoid my pain.  I was like the devil incarnated.  I wanted to punish them for my weaknesses and fears.  I didn’t even care or think about how my rage would affect them – I just wanted some sort of control in a life that I felt I had no control over.

I wanted respect but went about gaining it the wrong way – no one ever respects a person who threatens and uses violence to get what they want.  Only fear responds in a façade of respect.  This is NOT Love!  I used a weapon against my own children – how could this possibly be love?  It is NOT.  It is REVENGE!!! I wanted revenge on my parents and on the priests and nuns and teachers who instilled fear in me but they were out of my reach so I took out my revenge upon my own children – innocent souls entrusted to me by God and I abused that trust because I wanted to avoid feeling powerless.  I wanted to avoid feeling unloved.

So much shame, remorse and grief needed to be experienced in order to even receive these truths from my guides and I am grateful for their assistance.  I pray that my children can forgive me.  I pray that I can learn to forgive myself.  I am struggling with this. As I worked my way through this one of my guides – Peter taught me about forgiveness.  I will post his message in the next couple of days as this is already a long post.

My prayer is that we will all have the courage and the willingness to begin this process of healing through Truth and Love.  It takes courage, determination, persistence, faith and humility and I often find myself resisting the process.  Prayer is the only way through it. Humility is what I struggle with most.  I have found that I have been under a lot of spirit attack (mostly on my physical body – cuts, burns, rashes, tinea, pain on my left side) since I began this earnest quest to know God’s Truth about the feminine – about my real self – in order to connect more fully with my Mother God. But I know that with God’s Love and guidance I will get through it.  I will one day know and understand the feminine aspects of God - my Mother God…. One day!

I wish you well on your own personal journey towards God and healing.

With love

Linda

How I became a Madman

 I was doing some reflecting recently and found myself once again going to the messages from Judas which were received by Hans Radix in 2002.  One of my favourites is the message on Faith, Knowledge, Understanding and Trust - January 30^th 2002.  In this message Hans quotes a poem from Kahlil Gibran – How I became a Madman.  As I reflected upon the words in this poem I began to see many parallels with walking the Way to God. Here are my reflections on this great work.

First – The Complete Poem.

HOW I BECAME A MADMAN

You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen,-the seven masks I have fashioned an worn in seven lives,-I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, “Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves.”

Men and women laughed at me and some ran to their houses in fear of me.

And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house-top cried, “He is a madman.” I looked up to behold him; the sun kissed my own naked face for the first time. For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in a trance I cried, “Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks.”

Thus I became a madman.

And I have found both freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.

But let me not be too proud of my safety. Even a Thief in a jail is safe from another thief.

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How it fits with Walking the Way to God – my interpretations.

You ask me how I became a madman (how I came to look at the world differently and how I began to be seen as ‘mad’ by those with a mind closed to truth).  It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born (before the world placed many interpretations upon God) I woke from a deep sleep (from a life that I was living unconsciously) and found that all of my masks were stolen ( my masks are the façades that I had created in order to cover over my injured self), - the seven masks that I had fashioned and worn in seven lives (the different ways I present myself to the world according to who I am with and what side of me I want to present – partner, children, family, friends, work colleagues, church or religious associates, strangers) – I ran maskless through the crowded streets (revealing my real self for the first time to everyone around me) shouting “thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves” (afraid and exposed I want to blame others for the flaws which are now revealed for all to see).

Men and women laughed at me and some ran into their houses in fear of me (they could not understand how someone could be so exposed and allow themselves to be seen as they truly are.  They laughed at what they themselves are afraid of in order to cover their fear, and hid more carefully behind their façade masks).

And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house top cried, “He is a Madman” (people don’t want to be confronted by error and imperfection and generally consider those brave enough to begin to ‘tear away their masks’ to be mad.  They don’t understand courage and prefer the safety of the herd mentality where it is easy to remain hidden amongst those who are the same as they are). I looked up to behold him; and the sun kissed my naked face for the first time (it is only when I am willing to drop my façade and expose the nakedness of my soul, with all of its blemishes and imperfections, that the love of God can kiss my soul). For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun and I wanted my masks no more (the Love of God is so powerful, so magical, that when I dare to drop the façade and expose all of my flaws and open up my soul to God’s Love and Grace; only then, can I not imagine a life without God’s Love.  It is like a drug and I constantly seek to have more of it – this healing Love that helps me to see and know the real me).  And as if in a trance I cried, “Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks” (because now I realize that it is my masks, my façade that prevents me from knowing God and feeling Her Love embrace my bare soul).

Thus I became a madman (no longer a part of the herd mentality but willing to learn to be my real, authentic, unique self – the self that God created).

And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness (the freedom to be myself and safety in God’s loving embrace); the freedom of the loneliness (happy and content to be by myself with God) and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us (understanding implies that from this point onwards I will remain the same; but my goal is to continually expand and grow, to change and discover new aspects of myself and God’s universe. I don’t want to be understood so much as to be known for who I truly am and I want to know you too).

But let me not be too proud of my safety.  Even a Thief in jail is safe from another thief (pride is the opposite of humility and humility is what is needed if I am to walk maskless in this world. I want to get to that point in my progression towards Love and Truth where, like Judas, I can say “now for me it is no longer a question of believing or not believing, now I simply know. I have felt the sunbeams of God’s Love on the naked skin of my soul.”(page 137)).

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So now the questions I must continually ask myself is “Why do I still cling so tightly to my masks as if I am guarding them with my very life?  What is preventing me from completely stripping off my masks and allowing God’s Love to kiss the nakedness of my bare soul, to hold it (me) firmly in Her Loving Embrace? How can I overcome the barriers that prevent me from stepping into full Humility, Love and Truth?

Please God, show me the Way Home.

(If you would like a copy of the full message referred to above or a complete copy of the Judas Messages please email me and I will forward it to you – munjolin@bigpond.com)

Learning to Let Love in.

I have been struggling with loving myself most of my life.  It is as if there is a deep self-loathing that I don’t yet fully understand and I am finding it difficult to work my way through this emotionally.  I received a clue to this recently when I re-listened to the Divine Truth Talk on Emotions and the Mother Taboo (www.divinetruth.com - June 26^th 2010 – also on the Divine Truth YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8VzVIYHpOE&list=PLF04C988375DCDF23&index=47 ). At around 51mins into the talk AJ shared this statement When you suppress anger what finishes up happening is called resentment … if you are a woman suppressing anger towards mother you’re going to end up resenting yourself as a woman as well as resenting your mother.  It is the same if you are a man suppressing your anger towards your father.

I know I have a lot of repressed anger in my soul.  My body has been telling me this for years – acne, thrush, tinea – these are all ‘angry’ conditions in the body characterized by inflammation and I have had them all.  But it is difficult to access or work through anger fully when you have a deep fear of anger.  It is not so much the underlying fear that I am afraid of (although it could be) but more a fear of the anger itself that I need to access in order to get to the deeper cause of the dis-ease in my soul. 

I hate anger! 

I hate receiving it. 

I hate expressing it! 

Anger terrifies me and I have a lot of judgements about it all of which are born from my childhood (as are most of the errors in our souls).  But if I am ever to heal the errors in my soul, and therefore my body, I need to let go of the judgements that I have about anger and allow my soul to express all of the anger which has been pent up for most of my life.  This is a huge challenge for me and is blocking me from accessing the deeper grief within my soul which is preventing my connection with God from growing.  I have been praying about this a lot lately.

Recently when I was working through some emotions I had a bit of a revelation.

God loves me.

God loves me despite my faults and errors. 

God loves ME despite my unloving thoughts, feelings and actions. 

God loves ME despite my imperfection. 

God loves me even though I am fat and often feel stupid and inadequate. 

God has always loved me.

And God does not make mistakes.  Ever.  So if God loves me and I have felt this love and know it is real, and if God does not make mistakes; that means that I must be loveable. This is God’s Truth.  I am supremely loveable as I currently am.  I do not need to be slim, fit, young, smart and beautiful to be loveable.  God loves me as I currently am.  I am one of the greatest of God’s creation, the most wonderful of His handiworks and the object of Her great love and tenderest care.

God loves me as I currently am therefore I must be loveable as I currently am.  I don’t need to be anyone other than myself to be loveable. I have repeated this a lot here because I still don’t get this emotionally – at a soul level.  I understand this intellectually but I struggle to ‘get it’ at the soul level. 

I have spent much of my life modifying myself in order to please others.  Searching for love any way I can.  What I didn’t understand was that God loves me exactly as I am.  God created me as a perfect human being, a perfect half of a soul and I don’t need to be anything other than myself. 

The problem is that for most of my childhood being myself didn’t seem to be acceptable.  I was taught ‘to be a good girl’; ‘to behave myself’; ‘to not do this or that’.  It seemed that I was never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough.  I was moulded to ‘fit’ the accepted norm at the time.  And I didn’t understand this connection that God wants with all of Her children; that God craves from all of His children. The Catholic Church doesn’t teach about a personal relationship with God.  It taught me that I need a priest in order to have a relationship with God.  That I must obey its laws – most of which are not in harmony with God’s Laws and are manipulative, controlling and driven by fear, power and control.  This is what I grew up with.

Now I am learning that I do not need anyone else to have a relationship with God; that my relationship with God is personal and unique. And it feels right. My challenge is now to accept the gift of God’s Love and come to believe what God already knows – that as Her daughter I am supremely loveable.  I am a prefect creation of God’s and She does not make mistakes – EVER!  I AM loveable just as I am in this moment.

While a tiny flicker of a light is going on in my soul as this truth begins to take hold the demon I am really struggling with right now is to learn to love myself, to learn to forgive myself for all of the unloving actions I have taken in the past (and there have been many).  Until I can learn to do that – to forgive myself – it will be very difficult to learn to love myself or others.  I need to remind myself of this truth every day.

God loves me exactly as I am in this moment.  She has never stopped loving me.

I have felt God’s Love and I know it is real.  God loves me therefore I am loveable.

This needs to become my daily mantra.  My daily prayer needs to be “Please God, help me to overcome the barriers that prevent me from accepting Your Truth – that I am loveable exactly as I am.”

I still struggle with this but with God’s help and Grace I will eventually allow this truth to sink deep into my soul and become a knowing, a reality.  When I can do this I will be able to love others more freely and without expectation.  I will be able to give more of myself.

There is a lot of grief that I need to feel still as to why this is not already a truth in my soul.

Resistance and Rebellion

Resistance serves no useful purpose.  Resistance is avoidance.  Resistance is very unloving, both to yourself and to the universe.  I am coming to understand this after having been in resistance to my emotions and God’s Truth for the past couple of weeks.  This past week I have been feeling awful!  Lifeless.  Achy. Unmotivated. And cycling through phases of intense heat and at times cold – in other words I have been avoiding large amounts of anger, rage and fear and I have been paying the price for it. 

Why? 

The only answer I can come up with right now is to realize just how little love I have for myself.  Perhaps this even borders on self-loathing! Again I have to ask - Why?  And I am afraid to find out the answers.  I must be, otherwise I would succumb to the emotions, trusting in God’s Love and allow the emotions to show me the truth.  But I have not been doing that.  Fear! Fear of the truth.  Fear of the anger and rage that is within my soul. Fear of other people’s judgement and condemnation because I choose to be different, I choose to make some sort of effort to uncover the real me.  Fear of my own judgement and condemnation – ‘this feels ridiculous’; ‘I hate anger’; ‘anger serves no useful purpose’. None of this is helpful.  In fact it is all down right harmful – both to my soul and to the environment and those around me. 

How little I know about love.  How little I choose to engage in the process of love and discovering the healing power of love.

So I wanted to understand more fully this thing called Resistance. Dictionary.com describes resistance as the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding or in Psychiatry it is the opposition to an attempt to bring repressed thoughts or feelings into consciousness. This is exactly what I have been doing. Opposing any attempts to bring repressed thoughts or feelings into consciousness – opposing God’s Love and laws and withstanding any attempts on my part to uncover my hidden self.  The question is WHY?

Oxford dictionary describes resistance as the refusal to accept or comply with something: So I can only assume that when I am in resistance to God’s Truth and Love I am refusing to accept God’s Truth and refusing to comply with God’s Laws. And this is what is causing me this pain and discomfort and draining me of energy. It has taken a bit to recognize this and to acknowledge to myself that I still have a HUGE resistance to authority. In recognizing this I have begun to challenge this resistance very simply by attempting to obey ALL road rules.  It has been an interesting experiment as I drive along in 60km zones which could quite safely be 70km or even 80km zones or in a 40km zone where it feels painful to be going that slow and feel the anger rising within me (most often as subtly as mild frustration) and the projections of anger from those behind me.

Resistance is also a form of rebellion the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention: also opposition to authority; being unwilling to obey rules or accept normal standards of behaviour, dress, etc. So when I am in resistance I am also rebelling against God’s authority just as the first parents did.  I am beginning to understand this now but still there is a resistance in me to changing this.  I don’t want to be different.  I want to fit in.  I have wanted this all of my life and this is why I have created such an elaborate façade self.  A false sense of who I really am, created in order to avoid the pain I feel at being rejected for my real self. 

Finding my way back there is difficult, especially as I continue to hold on to resistance and act rebelliously.  I want to blame spirits with me for this rebellion and resistance but the truth is that while spirits may influence my behaviour they do so only because I allow it.  I am totally responsible for the effects of the resistance that I am feeling and I need to allow myself to feel what it is that I am gaining through this interaction with spirits and be willing to let that go and allow God in.  I’m not sure if I really want to do that.  Not yet anyway. Why is this? 

As I struggle to come to terms with my injured self I find myself looking for reassurance – a hand to hold – a smile – an encouraging word and I do not yet know how to get that directly from God.  I wish I could understand why this is so and how to change this.  For now all I can do is pray for God’s guidance but in my resistance and rebellion I don’t even feel worthy of that. I feel that as long as I hold on to resistance and rebellion I have no right to ask for God’s help and so I find myself in somewhat of a quandary.  What do I do now?  But if I have faith in a God who is all holy, loving, giving and merciful I have to believe that God will assist me through this rebellious phase as long as I am willing to face the truth and have the courage to accept full responsibility for this situation I now find myself in.  I have to trust that God is on my side and not push Him away as I have been doing.  I need to learn to be truly humble.  I need to learn to trust God completely or I will never become at one with Her (I use the feminine aspect of God here because I feel that it is the feminine that I am resisting the most and have the most difficulty connecting with at this point).

Please God, help me to let go of resistance and control.  Teach me to be truly humble.  Teach me to love myself so that I may be able to love others.

 ...............................

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and still find myself oscillating between resistance and passion and desire.  there is much here for me to learn still.  I hope it is of some assistance to you.

Love

Linda

20.01.13 

Love is a gift

This is something that I have been reflecting upon a lot lately.  Hope it helps.

Love is a gift and it should be given freely.

Most people would agree with this statement, I agree with this statement!  The problem is that in all of the relationships that I have had in my life this has not been the case.  This is a harsh reality to face but it is nevertheless the truth.

As I continue to open my heart and soul to God’s Love and Truth I am coming to realize that every relationship that I have had in my life, including my soulmate relationship, has had conditions attached to it, addictions that I need to have met, unloving demands placed upon the recipient of this so-called love.  I ‘love’ you so you must love me back. I ‘love’ you so you must provide for me and keep me safe. I ‘love’ you so that you will be my friend etc. But this is NOT love, it is demand couched in unloving expectations and it is not a gift at all.  A gift should be freely offered without expectation or demand.

The Oxford Dictionary defines Gift as “the voluntary transfer of property without compensation”.  The trouble is that I am beginning to realize that I have given very little in my life as a true gift, I have always wanted something in return – love, recognition, acknowledgement, a gift in return, and this is not true giving, it is not love, it is demand born out of addiction.   How shocking it is to recognize this truth about myself! 

The truth is that I do not yet know how to truly love as God intended us to love – freely and without demand or expectation.

So how do I get to this place of being able to give freely and to love freely without demand or expectation? 

I am coming to realize that the only way to do this effectively is with God.  By gradually opening my heart and soul to God’s Truth, the errors in my soul can leave me and God’s Love can take their place.  And this process requires true humility, something that I am still struggling with and I realize that I do not yet really understand love. I do not yet know how to love unconditionally. I do not yet know how to give myself freely, from the heart without expectation or demand, and this is the biggest barrier that I face in my soulmate relationship, in all of my relationships.

 I wish that I could write that I finally understand love and that I am at last truly able to love unconditionally, but the truth is that I am only just beginning to understand love and in order to grow in love I must turn to God and ask Him to show we the truth of the errors in my soul that prevent love from blossoming there.  I must somehow find the courage to let go of all my old false beliefs around love and allow God to show me the truth.  I must be willing to learn to love God and myself first so that I can love others as God intended – freely and without expectation or demand.  And truthfully, right now I am struggling with this.  I am finding it difficult to let God love me the way She wants to, completely and freely, for God can only love me as much as I am willing to allow that love in.  I am struggling to accept that in order to love I must fully let go, for it is only in the letting go that love can truly blossom.

Please God, give me the courage and the willingness to let go of all of my false beliefs and expectations around love so that real love might fill my soul and I might learn to love freely and unconditionally in return.

with love

Linda

The Power of Love and Truth

The Power of Love and Truth

It has been some time since I posted anything here and I guess that I could easily come up with a dozen different excuses, but the truth is that I have been feeling into some fear around these postings especially now that I am aware that some of my family members occasionally follow my posts.  Funny isn’t it how easy it is to share your innermost thoughts and feelings when you feel you are under the veil of secrecy and how much more difficult that becomes when you feel ‘exposed’! 

So here I am stepping fully into the light and allowing the Law of Attraction to show me what I still need to learn and to feel.  So, over the coming weeks I will be posting much more honestly about my experiences over the past few months and allowing myself to feel whatever fear/grief/anger/shame might arise as a result of stepping more fully into truth.

I have recently returned from an amazing week at Uralla, just south of Armidale where I stayed with my beautiful friend Carina. I am noticing how much easier my life flows when I allow myself to follow my passions and desires.  I have had an interest (maybe even a passion) around Raw Food for some time but have not been allowing myself to fully engage in that.  There is always an excuse – it’s too fiddly, you have to think ahead, unsure of the menus and flavors – the list could go on but the truth is that I was avoiding a desire out of a feeling of unworthiness and a lack of self love.  Anyway, when I heard that Susan was running a Raw Food day at Kyabra I decide to attend, packed my bags and headed south for a week.  I have also had a desire to learn more about mediumship and to seek some guidance around developing my mediumship ability so I stayed for the mediumship discussion on the following Thursday.

A lot happened in this week – the weather was perfect – the Raw Food day was totally inspiring – I explored the area and discovered some beautiful spots around the area where I could be close to God – I caught up with some beautiful friends and met some amazing people – I learnt a bit about mediumship and about myself and I learnt more about the power of love and truth and this is what I really want to share with you.

On Wednesday night I had dinner with Dave and Alexis at their place and it was lovely to get to know them both a little better.  In the course of conversation after dinner Dave channeled his aunt who said that I had a group of dark spirits with me waiting for the opportunity to attack.  I felt into the truth of that and felt that my sister was with them.  Both Dave and Alexis are very strong mediums and they confirmed this for me.  Kathy has been in spirit for just about four years and I had felt that she was in quite a dark condition.  What transpired over the course of the next two to three hours was truly amazing. 

Alexis channeled the spirits and Dave spoke to them while I felt into what was happening and prayed for Divine Love.  It took a while but eventually a group of these spirits went with their celestial guides but my sister remained, angry, confused and adamant that the Catholic way was the only way.  At some point the roles change with Dave channeling Kathy and Alexis talking to her while I continued to try to feel what was going on and praying for Divine Love. 

Both of the boys could feel the pain in her body and her fear and confusion, I gave a brief outline of her medical history and of the cancer she suffered when she was thirteen years old.  She confirmed that she has been feeling this fear in her gut since she was a girl and she spoke a little about her experiences during the chemo and radium therapy and the ongoing effects of that.  What struck me about this whole process was how compassionate and patient both Dave and Alexis were and how much love I felt in the room. For the first time I began to understand what she had been through, not just when she was thirteen but over the many near death experiences that she endured throughout her life (six in all).  Alexis was very gentle in the way he introduced the Truth to Kathy and eventually she began to open up to the Truth, not only of what had happened to her but of what she was now doing to me by trying to control me and ‘correct’ my behaviour.  As she allowed herself to feel even a little Alexis could then point out that things had changed, she could see and feel the difference in her spirit body, but she was still very afraid and quite angry.  Eventually a shift occurred, maybe it was the love she began to feel from me, maybe it was the love and compassion she could feel from the boys, maybe she had received a little of God’s Love in this process, maybe it was a combination of all of this, but eventually she surrendered to the Truth quite deeply and I could now feel a big shift had taken place.  She was now ready to see our grandfather who had been present the whole time.  Pa has been in spirit for around fifty years and is now a beautiful Celestial spirit and one of my guides and Kathy was totally taken back by how bright and beautiful he is.  I know that she will be alright now. Pa has walked the journey that she will need to walk, he has let go of the false beliefs that he held onto dearly for such a long time and he understands her struggles.

Even as I write this I can feel the love that was present then and how deeply it affected not only Kathy but me as well and I am very grateful to God for the way His Laws are constructed to ensure that each and every one of His children has the opportunity to learn the Truth and to feel His Love.  This experience showed me how powerful it is when we allow ourselves to surrender fully to the Truth and allow Love in.

Thank you Dave and Alexis, I will always be grateful for the gift that you gave so freely and thank you Kathy for teaching me the power of Love and Truth and Surrender.  May God continue to bless and support you all on your journeys towards Love and Truth.

With much love

Linda

20.03.12