“Reflect upon futility.
There’s a whole world full of fences and not many people are wanting to
take them down – metaphorically and literally.”
Reflections
What fences do I still have around my heart and what is
preventing me from pulling these down?
When I reflected upon this I immediately saw a picture of a
twisted, tangled mess of barbed wire around my heart – some old and rusty
strands tangled in with others which were relatively new. Some barbs I have been holding onto since
childhood while others have recently been tangled into the mess of twisted
confusion, fear and doubt. First I must
cut away the newer fences in order to access the older more painful barbs some
of which dig into my heart causing it to bleed.
But true healing can only begin when I have the courage to grab the
pliars and gently cut away and untangle the barbs one layer at a time, allowing
the scratches and deeper wounds to heal slowly and completely. If I were to pull fiercely at the tangled
mess I would in all likelihood create great pain and distress. The more loving approach is to remove the
barbs slowly and completely, one at a time.
It is a slow process which requires patience, compassion and self-love
without judgement. Sometimes it will all
seem too much for me and I will, and have, backed away in fear; but fear
prevents me from moving forward so I must learn to trust and step into the fear
having faith that God is guiding me in this process and helping me as much as I
will allow Him to do so. If I can apply
this same process to the fences of the world I will come to understand that
true change at a soul level is governed by love and truth and happens in stages
– one step at a time. I must be patient
and be willing to remove my own fences, the barriers that I have to being more
loving in my life. I must learn to BE
the change I want to see in the world as Ghandi taught and operate quietly in
the background seeking neither approval nor recognition, but merely desiring to
serve my brothers and sisters in love and truth and humility. I must remember
that we are all on a unique journey and that God waits patiently for us to come
to Him and never imposes His will upon us.
I must strive to become more God-like, anything else now seem futile.
Am I fully engaged in
my passions and desires?
The short answer is NO and I can justify this until the cows
come home but the truth is that I am not fully engaging my passions and desires
because of fear – fear of making a mistake, fear of judgement, fear of
condemnation, fear of being different.
But I am slowly allowing these passions and desires to gestate within my
soul and feel that many are now preparing to be birthed in all of their glory
and passion and in a way that will allow me to lovingly serve others and God
using the gifts that He has given me. I
am now tentatively taking the first steps of desire, exploring my own soul,
making mistakes and learning from these and then trying again in a more loving
way. I am finally beginning to learn
what it means to allow God to teach me, and desiring to learn and uncover and
grow these gifts that God has given me.
Do I want to develop
my passions and desires in harmony with God’s Laws, Love and Truth and open my
soul to learning from God?
Absolutely! I have
tried the other way – the path of self-reliance – the path of arrogance,
wanting approval and recognition and it does not work – it is not sustainable
because it is not loving either to myself or to others so now I find myself
turning to God and wanting to learn to live God’s way, wanting to learn to love
– myself and others.
Reflections on some
Bible passage
1 John 2:15-17 …if any man love the world the love of the
Father is not in him …
If I place greater priority upon the creation rather than
the Creator I automatically limit myself.
This has been my path in the past – a path of self-reliance, not
involving God much in the process and not trusting that God is a God if love
and it has been a very limiting and debilitating path. I am now choosing the path of God-reliance
which being much harder is infinitely more rewarding.
1 Corinthians 9:19-23 … I entered their world and tried to
experience things from their point of view … I didn’t just want to talk about
it, I wanted to be in on it …
When I let go of judgement and allow myself to experience
things from a different perspective it will open my soul to new experiences and
new truths. I am only just beginning to
understand this. There have been so many
times in my past when God has provided me with opportunities to enter the world
of another and experience things from their point of view but my own arrogance
and fear has prevented me from doing this – I chose self-reliance and
self-justification over the opportunities that God was giving me and in so
doing I have limited my growth and created more pain in my soul and the souls
of others, the full force of which I must now feel and be repentant about if I
am to truly heal my own soul and help to open the souls of others whom I have
harmed to the potential of healing as well. Why then do I now expect that now
that I have got it – at least intellectually – that others should get it as
well. This is the height of arrogance
and exposes in me great errors uncovering the fears that I have been trying to
avoid for most of my life – the fear of being different, fear of rejection,
fear of condemnation, fear of judgement, fear of ridicule. I want to hide and go unnoticed. But hiding in fear does not allow me to enter
a different world and consider a different perspective; it limits my growth and
my potential and prevents God from teaching me in a loving way.
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