As the New Year marches on filled with challenges and
surprises it is probably a good time to reflect upon the year that was – 2015.
As I sit in quiet contemplation I find myself not
wanting to see so many truths that God has been gently guiding me to open my
soul to for such a long time. And I
can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have such patience, such
compassion, such understanding and such love, as God has, for everything and
everyone despite our flaws and weaknesses.
How different would my life have been if truth and
real love had been the governing factors throughout my life and not just in the
past six years? Sure, I have attempted to live my life from a place of
acceptance, tolerance and love – at least since I was old enough to make
conscious and meaningful choices for myself.
But in all this time the real driving force has been a desire to be
loved; a desire to be understood; a desire to be accepted. And in coming from this place of addiction I
have automatically been out of harmony with love. It has taken some very hard lessons to begin
to crack open the tough exterior shell around my soul. And looking back now I am grateful for those
hard lessons. But there is still so much
work to be done.
Upon reflection I can see now how much of my life and
the choices I have made have been driven by fear of rejection. Until I am able to really get to the heart of
the cause of these addictions it will be very difficult for me to feel truly
accepted, truly loved and truly valued.
What would life be like if we learnt to live from a
place of acceptance and tolerance; acceptance of ourselves as we truly are in
this moment, and tolerance for our faults, hurts and injuries?
What would life be like if we truly learnt to love as
God loves – unconditionally and totally, with respect for our free will and
compassion for the injuries that drive our unloving choices?
What does real love actually mean? What would real
love actually do?
The clue is in the above statements about how God
loves – unconditionally, totally, with respect for the free will of every
person regardless of their injures, and tolerance for their/our unloving
choices whilst having compassion for the hurt child locked deep within and wanting
to find his/her voice. If we look around
at our natural environment in its pristine state we can see little clues
everywhere.
God does not give us everything we want. God sees beyond the here and now. He sees deep into our souls to the very core
of our being and He understands what drives our thoughts and actions – those in
harmony with love and truth and those driven by fear. He knows WHY we say or do the things we do
and He has total compassion for our brokenness. He also knows what would happen
if He gave in to our demands and unloving addictive behaviour.
Since the beginning of time God has been observing the
rise and fall of the human soul.
Watching our journey with compassion and understanding as we grapple
with being mind-dominance and compete for power and control, trying to avoid
our deeply buried hurt and pain, and setting up a chain reaction which
continues to reverberate down the ancestral lines. He has consistently sent us
many teachers and messengers who have had more courage and more understanding
of Love than most to show us the way over this time – the great prophets,
Jesus, Mohamad, Budda, Ghandi, Mandella, Mother Theresa and many others have
been shining a guiding light upon earth for many millennia. Sometimes we
recognize these great teachers and sometimes we don’t.
The problem of course is that Love and Truth will
always confront error and addiction and this results in pain. We have a tendency to run away from
pain. We have in-built pain receptors in
our body which act as beacons sending warning signals and when these are
triggered we mostly learn to avoid the painful stimuli – like sharp knives, hot
saucepans, fire and a host of other painful stimuli.
But what do we do with the painful emotional stimuli,
the ones which tell us what is going on in the soul?
Mostly we ignore them.
We want to avoid feeling our sadness, our despair, our hopelessness, our
fear, our grief and especially (for me anyway) our rage. We have been so conditioned to believe that
in order to be a ‘good’ person we must sacrifice ourselves in order to please
others and keep the peace.
But what about me? Surely in God’s eyes I am just as
important as anyone else?
Why then has this false concept of self-sacrifice
taken hold and spread throughout humanity like an uncontrollable wildfire?
The only logical answer can be that in response to
sacrificing ourselves in order to gain ‘love’ and ‘approval’ we perpetuate the
error by unconsciously demanding that others meet our addictions to help us
avoid our fears and make us feel better about ourselves.
As children we rely on adults for our survival and it
is easy to understand why we quickly learn to sacrifice ourselves in order to
feel safe, protected and loved. Some
children never feel safe, protected and loved.
And so, without even thinking, as adults we naturally begin to demand
from others that which was taken from us as children. We become selfish without even realizing
it. Most of us wander through life in
this half-dream state. Gradually shutting down to our hurt and pain while at
the same time ramping up our demands that others help us avoid the hurt and
pain within. We are seeing more and more
of this in society with increasing incidences of dementia, Alzheimer’s, suicide
and mental illness. What we do not yet
seem to realize is that it is the soul which drives our lives – not the
mind. The soul – not the mind, is the
powerhouse of the real me. When I honour
my soul, the sensory apparatus which houses my passions, desires, longings, emotions,
memories, humility, love, intentions, personality, free will, instinct, energy,
and more, I am honouring my real self – my half of the soul.
In order to grow in love I must first grow a desire
for truth. Facing truth exposes the errors in my soul – the hurt, grief, fear,
shame, anger, rage and so on which must be felt and released in order for Love
to flow in.
From a very young age we are taught to ‘behave’
ourselves, to not feel what is often perceived as negative emotions – hurt,
fear, sadness and so on. Often we have been punished (emotionally through
ridicule, condemnation, judgement and / or physically through violent
‘correction’) for expressing our real selves.
Boys have too often been bullied into being strong and ‘manly’ as they
helplessly learn to be tough, hard and ‘unemotional’. Girls have too often been
coaxed into being subservient, passive and compliant. And woe betide anyone who
dares to try to break free of these moulds and unloving expectations! And thank
God that there have been people throughout history who have had the courage to
show us a different way forward. People
like Jesus, Ghandi, Mandela, Mallala, Patch Adams, Steven Jobs, the
Suffragettes and many, many more.
In every community, in every corner of the world there
are people with the courage to question society’s expectations and push the
boundaries of the ‘accepted’. You probably know many in your own local
community. We need more of them.
How different would our world be if from birth
children learn that they are God’s child, created perfect in every natural way,
and that the soul is the real you?
What if in school we are taught that it is not only
OK, but it is encouraged to express the real you; and the means is provided for
the safe and loving expression of all emotions – especially emotions of anger,
rage, fear and grief.
What sort of society would we live in if children were
taught from a very young age that it is not only OK, but it is encouraged, to
feel and release their fear and unloving emotions in a loving way which does
not harm any other living thing; and that when they do they will feel lighter, happier,
more self-confident and loving. They will then soon see that love and laughter
are infectious. But in order for children to learn this we need adults to show
them the way.
Over the past six years I have slowly been opening my
soul to Love and Truth. This past year,
2015, has been the most confronting year yet as I begin to challenge addictions
– physically, emotionally and in relationships.
It has been hard. I often feel
like a fish swimming against the current, but unlike the salmon, I have not yet
learnt to jump waterfalls in order to get to the calm safe pool beyond. Well, maybe baby waterfalls or rapids which
lead to shallow rocky pools. As I slowly
gain the courage to challenge addictions and honour my soul above all others I
am being shown little cracks in the prison that I have constructed for myself
and more light and love begin to trickle in.
My challenge for this year, 2016, is to confront fear
and let go of judgement – especially judgement of myself. If I can face the
truth about WHY I judge myself and anger so harshly I have a hope of making
some progress towards Love.
Judgement of anger is a HUGE emotion for me and I
don’t understand it. I have HUGE amounts of resistance to feeling the rage that
remains deeply buried within my soul and this rage is keeping me fat and in
constant pain. This has to change. It is
time. It is time to let go of false beliefs and finally learn to step into God-reliance
and trust that God knows exactly what I need to learn. When I finally learn to
see the blocks that I have to trusting that God knows and understands the pain
in my soul, and that She wants to nurse me through this pain then, and only
then, will I be able to step into God-reliance and move through the painful
emotions and errors in my soul. And when
I do learn this, true and permanent healing will begin. All I have to do is to soften to the pain
(without judgement), open to humility and Trust that God loves me and wants to
help me through this pain.
As I learn to pay attention to what the Law of
Attraction is telling me, both positive and negative, I will learn to read
God’s signs and let go of any pre-conceived notions I may have about what is right
and what is loving.
My prayer for 2016 is that I may grow in humility so
that I might open my heart and soul more fully to God’s Truth and God’s
Love. This is my prayer not only for me
but for each and every one of my brothers and sisters, both here on earth and
in the spirit world.
I wish you an enlightening and rewarding year ahead.
