Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Lessons in Humility - part 3

This past month has been particularly challenging for me - lots of emotions have been wanting to surface and I have not been very humble with this process.  Far too often I have not allowed the full expression of the emotions and have probably been wasting a lot of time - this is not humility.  Today I realized that I have been allowing myself to be a slave to my fear and this is where I now need to start - but that's another post.  Here is the long awaited third part to lessons in humility.  Hopefully it will not be so long before part four gets posted.
Humility Session 3 – Humility in Practice 

1.     Humility is the doorway to Truth.  The truths that we do not accept are the most difficult to work through.
The past month has seen me skirt around this truth and therefore I have not been very humble.  I have been avoiding God’s Truth on many issues and pretending to be better than I really am.  As I write this now I feel a sense of shame creeping in.  I am a fraud!  But while I have been avoiding many truths in the past month I have to be careful that I do not revert to the old pattern of blaming or belittling myself.  I need to remind myself, yet again, that there is nothing that I can do that God cannot forgive and I need to have some compassion for myself – something that I am still learning to do.

2.     Humility is a willingness to be overwhelmed by your own emotions and by God.  It is an openness to God’s Truth and Love.  It begins with opening your heart to yourself first and then opening your heart to God’s emotions – allowing yourself to become overwhelmed.

The thing I struggle with most here is opening my heart to myself – having compassion for my injured self and not berating myself when I do not get it ‘right’!  There have been times when I have been able to do this and as a result I have been able to connect to God’s emotions and allow the overwhelm to embrace me.  There are still far too many times when I resist humility, mostly out of fear of judgement and/or ridicule.  I am holding onto this emotion rather than allowing it to be released.  Why?

3.     Humility is self-awareness.  It is not a false sense of being lower than others and it is a willingness to see yourself as you really are – as God sees you. Humility accepts that God knows everything and is willing to discover what God knows.

As I go through these points that I have noted from this discussion I realize that I have a very long way to go before I become truly humble. The truth is that far too much of the time I do feel that I am less that others – I am not worthy of God’s Love and in this state God connot connect to me because I am not being in truth.  If I was being truly humble I would allow these feelings of unworthiness to bubble forth out of my soul and allow God’s Truth to enter – that I am the greatest of Her Creation and the most wonderful of Her handiworks and the object of Her great Love and tender care. But I would still rather hold onto the false belief that I am less than and as long as I hold onto that I can never become truly humble.  If I am willing to see myself as God truly sees me I would accept that I am powerful beyond measure and capable of greatness – we all are.  But I still fight what God wants me to see and feel.  I am not very humble at all and my willingness to discover what God knows is still very tentative and uncertain.  Actually a better word would be resistive. And resistance indicates a lack of humility.

4.     There is a HUGE emotion of condemnation of being wrong on the planet and condemnation of another is a lack of humility.  Humility does not impose its own emotions onto others; it understands (and has compassion).

This is a big emotion for me – fear of being wrong. And so far I have not been willing to really challenge this emotion – if I had been it would not hold such power over me as it does.  Consequently, I occasionally find myself judging others but much more often, judging myself.  And this is not humility either – it is fear!

5.     You need to consciously desire to connect to your own soul and desire wholeheartedly to experience all emotions all the time.

While I feel that I do consciously desire to connect to my own soul I do not desire wholeheartedly to experience all my emotions as they arise.  If I did I would not be so resistive to God’s truth and I would not honour fear.  The question then is – how do I cultivate this desire to wholeheartedly feel all of my emotions as they arise?  I feel that faith and prayer are the answers here as well as consciously activating my own will in this regard.

6.     Humility is a willingness to take responsibility for my own error without reservation.  Only I can feel my pain no matter how it got in me.  Humility is a choice to grow in love.

I feel that this is one area of humility that I am OK at.  I accept that only I can feel my own pain and I have come to learn that it is the choices that I have made over my lifetime that have enhanced the errors.  I have always had free will but I have not always used that will in a loving way.  The movie “August Rush” really helped me to understand this.

7.     Emotions that influence Humility – fear of humiliation – investment in the opinions of others – needing nice feelings from others.  Deal with these emotions first.

Fear of humiliation – check; investment in the opinions of others – check; needing nice feelings from others – check!  Crap!!!  Fear of humiliation is a big one for me – all those school assemblies being hauled out in front of the whole school and being ridiculed because I ‘did something wrong’!  What was that all about and how could it possibly instil more loving behaviour in others?  Consequently this emotion piggybacks into the others – if others think I am OK I’ll avoid humiliation and they’ll like me.  This has been my whole life – seeking the approval of others, avoiding humiliation and in the process I have lost sight of my real self which makes it much more difficult now to reconnect with the me that God created because the façade self has become so powerful.  And I now have to wade through this mountain of façade in order to become truly humble.  Fortunately God is patient and compassionate – something I am slowly learning to be with myself.

8.     The Law of Attraction shows the way – pay attention and choose to act.

While I am getting better at noticing what the Law of Attraction is showing me I am still very slow in recognizing it.  It is often not until several minutes (on a good day), hours or even days before I recognize what God was trying to show me.   But I am learning to reflect more and trying not to berate myself for being slow and I find that when the penny does drop I am allowing the connection to the truth much more easily – so that’s progress I guess!

9.     Humility is seeing yourself as you really are and be willing to take responsibility for that.  It is a willingness to feel your own damage and a willingness to be your real self in public.  True humility is not involved in lying, deceit or façade.

I can see how I have grown in this area and find that I am becoming much more real with myself and God most of the time (not all the time though). It is becoming easier to be my real self in public although there are still a few people who I guard my real self from. And it is becoming easier to be truthful with most people but I do still occasionally catch myself avoiding truth and if I can I attempt to correct that.

10.  You need to look at the fears below the addiction.  Step 1 – identify the addiction and reflect; Step 2 - identify the fears below the addiction; Step 3 – embrace the steps for discovering the truth.

Facing fear is something I have a LOT of trouble with which makes this process difficult for me to engage. Consequently I do not always identify the addiction – mostly I want to hold onto the addiction because it feels familiar and comfortable, even rewarding.  But fear is the biggest cause of disharmony on this planet and if I am to have any hope of helping this earth to become a more loving place then I need to confront my fears.  I am getting better at this – with some fears.  Time to challenge ALL fears.

11.   Humility means working with the resources in your own location to create abundance.

So I guess this means becoming truly God-reliant.   Allowing God to show me what gifts He has provided for us in my local area and how these gifts can be used for the benefit of all.  I am a long way from stepping into this at the moment – I have so many fears still of making a fatal mistake.

12.  How do I contribute to the oppression of poorer peoples or nations?

If I am being totally honest here I would have to admit that by pandering to my fears of lack of abundance and therefore creating much more waste than is necessary I am contributing to the oppression of the poor. This is a fear that I am still unwilling to face/challenge.  Why is this?  What am I afraid of? Purchasing goods that are cheap but not ethical also contributes to the oppression of others and I have been guilty of this also – fear of lack – again.  I really need to look at this.

13.  God helps us constantly through the Law of Attraction, other people, animals (reflect our soul condition) and all creation (reflect our collective soul condition).  When we are willing to be truthfully taught by God we will have no emotional resistance and an openness to emotional communication with God and others. 

As I am going over these notes I realize just how far I have to go to becoming truly humble.  Far too often I disregard, ignore of just miss what the LoA is telling me and I am still unwilling to feel what our domestic pets are telling me and I have a tendency to blame everyone else for unfavourable weather conditions – its not my fault – its everyone else who needs to get their act together – what arrogance!!! CRAP!  I still have so much to learn about humility!

14.  My actions are a reflection of my true soul condition and demonstrate where I am out of harmony with Love and Truth.  If I am truly living in my damaged self (as opposed to my façade self) I will see where and why I am not humble AND be willing to address the reasons why.  I will work through the blocks that I have to truth.

I guess if I am being truly honest I would have to admit that at least half of the time my actions are out of harmony with truth and love and are based upon addiction – probably more than this.  But I do strive to live in my damaged self and be real with everyone around me no matter how challenging that might be – I am not always successful but can usually see upon reflection how I have failed in this area and can then pray about this.  Lately I have been really struggling with working through my blocks to humility and am realizing that it is because I have not been truthful with myself with what is really going on.  I had a big realization about this today and as a result I was able to connect with my guides and gain some truth that I am still to work fully through – but it is a start.  What I have found is that God ALWAYS helps me when I am in truth – if I feel that God is not helping me than I have only to look at myself and the resistance I have to truth and sincerely pray about that – God always comes through for me.

15.  Humility is putting into practice what you have learnt.

So – how do I do this? Do I do this? Challenging my fears more consistently.  Learning to step into God-reliance. Being truthful with myself and others as much as possible and correcting my mistakes when I recognize them. Learning to put my relationship with God above all other relationships and feeling the fear that that brings up, especially when I put God and myself before family.

16.  Humility is being totally open to guides.  It is developing a longing for feedback from more loving people and it embraces truth.  Am I willing to be refined by God?

The thing I have the most difficulty with here is connecting with my guides and I am beginning to see that when I am out of harmony with love and truth I block their connection and when I am truthful with myself and God the connection is easier and clearer so this is a big indication of my level of humility (or lack of it).  I do have a strong desire for truth and truthful feedback and am willing to embrace truth as I have found it the fastest way to grow through the pain and errors.  Intellectually I feel that I am willing to be refined by God but my resistance to truth at times tells me otherwise – this is a work in progress.

17.  Am I willing to stand for truth and love no matter what the circumstances – even if it means that I risk losing everything?

Honestly, I would have to say – not quite yet.  I have a lot of fear to work through to get to this point but it is only in challenging the fear that I will get there.  What is stopping me? Fear?  Then it becomes a vicious cycle doesn’t it?  I am learning that fear is the biggest impediment that I have to true humility and fear prevents me from trusting God – I am making fear my god and that has to stop.  Courage and faith will lead me to Humility and prayer will lead me to courage and faith.  Please God, help me to overcome all the resistance that I have to true humility.  Teach me to love.

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