So many people are struggling to identify their soulmates and yet, for some reason, I have had the privilege of living with my soulmate for the past 32 years. Now don't get me wrong, just because I have lived with my soulmate for this length of time doesn't mean our relationship has been all peaches and cream. Far from it! It has been a roller coaster ride to match the scariest ride in the world!!! We have shared some amazing highs and some soul-destroying lows over that time. But the thing that has kept us together through all of this is our willingness to look honestly at what is going on in the relationship and want to fix it.
There have been several times in the past 32 years that I have wanted to leave, the pain I was feeling was too overwhelming, but this incredible soul pull has allowed me to have the courage to ask "what is wrong and how can we fix this?"
What I have noticed is that each time we drift apart there is a huge ache in my heart and it has generally brought up lots of fear and anger in me. BUT, when I have the courage to confront the fear and we take the time to talk openly and honestly about what is going on for each of us, we find ourselves in a much better place – the next high. And I can honestly say that the highs are worth ten times the lows. Our relationship is always better when we are in truth for it is truth that allows us to really love each other unconditionally.
Since opening my soul more fully to God's Love and Truth I have noticed a strengthening of our soulmate bond and a softening towards each other. There is a growing desire, in me anyway, to want to know my soulmate more fully. To want to understand him. To want to share more openly and fully with him. To want to love him unconditionally. And to want to work through the blocks in me that prevent our relationship from growing.
Some people have asked me "how do you KNOW that he is your soulmate?' Well, this is not easy. At some level I feel I have always known that he is my soulmate but it is only since discovering Divine Truth that I have understood fully what that means. When we met I was not in a very good place. I was distant and withdrawn from everyone around me for a week or so. I was unsure where I was in my previous relationship – had we broken up? I didn't know what was going on and I was hurting. I prayed a lot about this in the weeks previous to meeting my soulmate. I wanted to know the truth. So when I found myself on a camping trip for six weeks with him and when my friend Helen said "you know, John really likes you" I began to feel about that. First there was denial. Then lots of questioning (internally). Then I began to really look at who this man was – the essence of him – and I looked beyond what he looked like (not particularly handsome), and what he did for a living (then he was a truckie and I was a snob!). I looked closely at WHO he was and what was in his heart. And I fell in love with him (in a matter of weeks I KNEW he was the one for me). I had learnt to listen to me heart.
Since discovering DivineTruth I have begun to really open my soul to my soulmate and I have encountered LOTS of resistance along the way. So much so that I have had spirits drop into my head that someone else was my soulmate. Because of my own self-doubt and unworthiness I began to question if that was right. This other man was born in Trinidad, as I was. I had known him for most of my life, we had lots in common. But I didn't feel anything special towards him. Still the doubt lingered for almost a year and I felt myself withdrawing from my soulmate in my confusion. As time went on my confusion and doubt grew. I realized that in this state I was being very unloving to my soulmate. I had to know the truth. This turmoil was now a raging tornado inside of me! What would it mean if this other man was my soulmate? Our relationship probably wouldn't survive this. It would hurt so many people! What would it mean for me? I can't tell you how great this anxiety was in me – lots and lots of fear! But I realized that if I truly loved this man that I was living with, as I believed I did, then I owed it to him (and to myself) to KNOW the truth even at the risk of loosing everything that I had. Eventually knowing the Truth became more important than holding onto my fear and with God's Grace I found the courage to delve deep into the emotions that had been stirring in me. I went through the full cycle of emotions – anger, shame, fear, doubt, rage, terror and buckets of grief until at last God showed me the truth. As I purged doubt from my soul and opened to God's Truth the image of this other man began to fade and the image of John grew clearer, brighter, bigger and closer. More buckets of grief followed as I sunk into God's loving embrace and rested in the relief of knowing the Truth.
And things changed in our relationship – it got better (confirmation from God).
It is still a bit of a roller coaster ride but the lows are not so dramatic now and it is easier to be in truth with each other. I guess this will continue until we are both able to work through the errors that we have that stop us loving each other perfectly.
What I noticed after the conversation with Dave was a huge desire to know and love my soulmate more. And I found myself reflecting the next day on how I know that he is my soulmate. Here is what I came up with.
· I feel that he is the most beautiful man in the world – ever!
· He touches my soul when he looks at me.
· He is totally accepting of me – warts and all.
· He wants to understand me.
· He allows me to be me even when that hurts him.
· He feels me.
· He supports me emotionally.
· He feels like me – like the part of me that is missing.
· He wants me to be happy even if that means that we need to spend some time apart.
· He trusts me implicitly.
· He makes my heart sing when I am near him or when I think about him.
· Only God is more important to me than him and he is a very close second.
· When I put my relationship with God before my relationship with my soulmate it enhances my relationship with him.
· He loves me unconditionally.
· He is my soulmate.
· He is me.
I hope that this sharing has helped you in some way. I pray that you will have the courage to trust God and KNOW who your soulmate is because loving your soulmate is the second most important and beautiful relationship you will ever have. The first is your personal relationship with God, your Creator and most loving Parent.
PS: Part Three on Humility is coming soon.