There has been a lot going on over the past few weeks - my youngest daughter's wedding took precedence and brought with it much that I needed to feel, hence the delay in this next post on Humility. This is my reflections on the second Interview with Jesus and Mary on Humility.
In black you will find the notes I took during the talk and in green are my deeper and more personal reflections on those points. I hope this is of some benefit to you in your own journey towards love.
Humility is the cornerstone of the Way to God and we don't need anything else.This is why it is so important to develop humility. Through humility I can grow my relationship with God.
Judgement is a form of arrogance. How am I judging myself? How am I judging others? Lack of judgement is a sign of growing humility.Judgement is something that I have struggled with a lot but notice that I am becoming much less judgemental of others and of myself but it is my relationship with myself that I still struggle with at times. It is hard letting go of judgement when you have had a lifetime of judgement projected at you – it almost seems 'normal'.
When I am invested in the opinions of others I am preventing my connection with God.This is a big one for me and it is challenging learning to let it go. I have spent most of my life seeking out the approval of others in order to feel some sort of self-worth so to now be challenged to let this go is difficult and very confronting but I want to know my real self so I have to let go of the opinions of others and learn to trust God's opinion of me instead. It is a work in progress.
God only connects with me as I truly am. She cannot connect with the façade.I feel that this is the most difficult task I have ever undertaken – to find my real self, buried deep beneath the façade that has been created to hide the pain. But I want this connection with God and it is slowly becoming the greatest desire of my soul – slowly!
Humility = a wholehearted desire to feel all of my emotions as they arise and leads to me making my relationship with God my first priority. Humility is a passionate burning desire to feel without addiction. When I am truly humble my longing for God will be stronger than my longing for any other experience and I will not be invested in the opinions of others.I still struggle with this. There constantly seems to be some manufactured excuse why it is not appropriate to feel my real self in any given situation. But I am becoming more humble to my real self and I am slowly, very slowly, learning to honour my soul and my relationship with God.
When I avoid being humble I am in that moment worrying more about my relationship with others or myself over my relationship with God. This is still an issue for me but becoming less so. Am I willing to lose everything in order to have this relationship with God? Honestly? I struggle with this. My addiction to security and safety and reassurance is still very strong but I am feeling a growing desire to challenge this addiction.
Is my relationship with God my first and highest priority? Not yet. If not, why not? What is blocking my relationship with God? Fear mostly and I need to challenge this if I am ever to get past this block to my relationship with God.
There can be NO addiction in my relationship with God (addiction is born out of fear and a willingness to avoid my real self and God will only connect with my real self). What is the investment that I have with my errors that block my relationship with God?If I am honest here I will admit that I still feel that I want or need the approval of others. I want to be liked and respected which indicates that I did not feel liked or respected as a child. There is still much pain here for me to feel especially around the way children were treated in Catholic schools when I was growing up. Fear was a powerful weapon in gaining submission and control and I still find it difficult to face my fear. With God's help I will get through this.
When I have a truly passionate desire for God my relationship with God becomes my highest priority and I will be humble in every interaction I have with all of God's creation.I feel that this is, and will continue to be, a work in progress until I become at one with God.
When I fully embrace my relationship with God every other relationship WILL be challenged. Don't I know it!!!
Humility will never attempt to shut down or reprogram my emotions (doesn’t engage in addictive behaviour). Humility will engage every situation that will help me connect to God and my real self. I am slowly learning this.
Humility gives up control and embraces life fully (without fear). This is a tough one – giving up control! In order to avoid my pain I have learnt to control everything around me. Letting go of control is very challenging but also rewarding because when I do let of of control I am letting God direct my life and who better to have at the helm than the supreme commander of the universe and all that is? When I am humble I will not try to juggle my life or control every situation, I will allow God to show me the way forward. Letting go of control is HARD!!
When I am humble I will be willing to embrace emotional terror and not try to manage it.I struggle, struggle, struggle with this and pray for God's assistance.
Humility never gets angry, resentful or blaming of others, the environment or the situation.
When you are humble you will not feel that you have to give up anything. Do I really have anything without God?
I feel that I am getting better at this – letting go of anger or resentment and allowing myself to feel what is beneath it – most of the time!
Humility has faith that God WILL provide everything that I will ever need.
So to challenge this fear that I have that God won't bother about me, I need to step into the fear and risk everything trusting that I am truly the creates of God's creation, the most wonderful of Her handiwork and the object of Her love and tenderest care. If God provides everything for all of Her other creatures surely She will provide for me. Right? This still feels scary to me at the moment.
When I am humble I will be willing to be as I truly am and to take full responsibility for EVERY aspect of my life.I feel that I am growing here – slowly.
Humility recognizes that I am the only person who is capable of changing me and when I do this with God's help the process is faster and complete.When I began this process I found I was constantly wanting to shift the blame, wanting someone else to take responsibility and take away my pain. I wanted to be rescued. But God does not rescue and I have had to learn to be fully responsible for all the errors that are in my soul no matter how they got there. It doesn't matter how the errors got into my soul – they are there and I have acted upon them to cause further error – mostly by trying to avoid the pain or cover it up. So now it is up to me to release the error – no one else can do that for me because no one else fully knows the extent of the error and the pain in my soul. God can assist with this process but only when I am willing to take full responsibility and acknowledge the extent of the pain within me and the pain I have caused others because of these errors. Humility teaches that I must honour myself – my entire experience. If I am willing to do this I will be willing to feel all of my pain and release it.
Humility acknowledges my own unloving behaviour without minimization or dismissal.When I am truly humble I will desire with all of my heart to experience the Law of compensation. I won't avoid acknowledging my own unloving behaviour and I will want to know the full extent of the harm I have caused others (especially my own children). A humble heart is repentant and contrite about their unloving actions.
Repentance is a powerful healer and helps to fast-track the healing process. I have shed many tears for the harm I have caused my children and others due to the errors in my soul and there are many more still to flow. There is still much resistance to this at times but when I am humble God can assist me in the process and the reward of His love flowing into my soul is worth every tear shed, every pain felt.
Humility is NOT self-punishment. Self-punishment is a form of arrogance.Unfortunately the subtleties of self- punishment make it easy to dismiss but I am learning that when I refuse to be humble and allow the full expression of my pain I am punishing myself. Why?
When I am truly humble I will desire wholeheartedly to feel the causal emotion in me about my unloving behaviour regardless of what that emotion is. When I am truly humble I won't need courage I will just Feel.
Again, I still have a long way to go to be at this point, I still need lots of courage to get me into and through an emotional error and into truth and love.
Humility is a desire to become a trusting child of God again – soft, open, vulnerable, honest and sensitive. This desire is growing.
Humility opens the doorway to Love and Truth – lack of humility blocks your connection with your guides. In order to feel Love you need to be humble and soft.
My connection with my guides is still haphazard at best so I know I have a lot to learn about putting humility into practice.
Questions for Reflection.
1. Do I tend to justify or minimize anger or rage? Yes – often. I am afraid of anger and often want to avoid it.
2. Do I have a strong resistance to feeling my fear? Yes – if I didn't I would allow the expression of fear without judgement or trying to control it. But I am more accepting og allowing the experience of my fear than I am of anger.
3. Do I use my intellect to tell myself that I am over that now? No. If anything it is the opposite. I tend to tell myself that there is still more to go. I find it hard to accept that God could have healed that part of my soul.
4. Do I resist seeing the damage that I have done and avoid taking full responsibility for the harm I have caused? I don't think so. I have a huge desire to learn to love and part of that is taking responsibility for the harm I have caused and correcting that.
5. Do I want someone to rescue me? Often I do but this is growing less and my desire to take full personal responsibility grows.
Humility opens the door to Truth, Truth opens the door to Divine Love and Divine Love leads to the transformation of the soul. Must learn to be Humble if we want to become a Divine Child of God.