Yesterday I watched the movie “The Road” in an attempt to feel into some fears around earth changes which we will likely to be soon experiencing.
This is a movie set in post war
some time in the future where the landscape is totally annihilated. Everything is gray, bleak, dirty and cold, including the human condition. I thought that this movie might trigger in me emotions around surviving earth changes but I found I had very little emotional connection with the movie. Either I have worked through a lot of these emotions from watching “The Book of Eli” or I was in total denial. I just could not believe that the human condition would sink so low in this time in history or even at some distant time in the future. There has no doubt been a time in history when humans did sink this low (and perhaps even lower) and as always there remain little rays of hope in even the most desolate and desperate of conditions, but for me, this scenario did not seem real nor plausible at this time. And I would like to believe that as we raise our collective condition of love, with God’s Grace, there will never again be a time in human history when we revert to the bleakness and hopelessness that this picture portrays. I suspect that it did however portray a fairly good depiction of life in the hells of the spirit world, a place that we all no doubt want to avoid. America
After the movie I allowed myself to just sit with my feelings and watch what would surface. Fear. Disbelief. Grief.
I asked myself - how is it that the human condition could sink this low? What is my part in this?
Eventually I had the realization that every time I choose to live in my fear and anger I contribute to the overall degradation of the human condition, but when I choose to face my fears and feel my grief love can now flow into my soul and the power of love is infinitely greater than the power of fear. Jesus (as AJ) has taught us many times that Fear blocks Love. Fear and Love can not exist in the same space.
My task then is to feel my fears, with God, release my anger, shame and grief and allow Love and Truth to govern every aspect of my life. This task is easier, quicker and much more effective if I allow God to guide me in this process. This is called self-responsibility and God-reliance.
I recognize that no mater how an error entered my soul, I alone am responsible for how that error affects my life. I alone can feel and release these errors, but when I relax into the process and Trust God, the process is much more rewarding.
I know this.
I have experienced this on numerous occasions.
So why then do I find it so difficult still to relax into trusting God totally in every situation? What is the error, the block that I need to work through and overcome in order for me to trust God completely in every aspect of my life?
And why am I still choosing not to go there?
How can I change this?
For now prayer and faith are all that I have. Faith that with God’s Guidance and Grace I will one day find the courage to remove these blocks, the obstacles that prevent love from flowing freely into and out of my soul.
Father, I kneel before You, your daughter, your servant, how may I help? Give me the courage and the willingness, I pray, to face my fears and to step more fully into love, truth and trust. Help me to be all that I was created to be so that I might better serve You through service to my brothers and sisters and all of Your creation.