Love is a gift and it should be given
freely.
Most people would agree with this
statement, I agree with this statement!
The problem is that in all of the relationships that I have had in my
life this has not been the case. This is
a harsh reality to face but it is nevertheless the truth.
As I continue to open my heart and soul
to God’s Love and Truth I am coming to realize that every relationship that I
have had in my life, including my soulmate relationship, has had conditions
attached to it, addictions that I need to have met, unloving demands placed
upon the recipient of this so-called love.
I ‘love’ you so you must love me back. I ‘love’ you so you must provide
for me and keep me safe. I ‘love’ you so that you will be my friend etc. But
this is NOT love, it is demand couched in unloving expectations and it is not a
gift at all. A gift should be freely
offered without expectation or demand.
The Oxford Dictionary defines Gift as
“the voluntary transfer of property without compensation”. The trouble is that I am beginning to realize
that I have given very little in my life as a true gift, I have always wanted
something in return – love, recognition, acknowledgement, a gift in return, and
this is not true giving, it is not love, it is demand born out of
addiction. How shocking it is to
recognize this truth about myself!
The truth is that I do not yet know how
to truly love as God intended us to love – freely and without demand or
expectation.
So how do I get to this place of being
able to give freely and to love freely without demand or expectation?
I am coming to realize that the only way
to do this effectively is with God. By
gradually opening my heart and soul to God’s Truth, the errors in my soul can
leave me and God’s Love can take their place.
And this process requires true humility, something that I am still
struggling with and I realize that I do not yet really understand love. I do
not yet know how to love unconditionally. I do not yet know how to give myself
freely, from the heart without expectation or demand, and this is the biggest
barrier that I face in my soulmate relationship, in all of my relationships.
I
wish that I could write that I finally understand love and that I am at last
truly able to love unconditionally, but the truth is that I am only just
beginning to understand love and in order to grow in love I must turn to God
and ask Him to show we the truth of the errors in my soul that prevent love
from blossoming there. I must somehow
find the courage to let go of all my old false beliefs around love and allow
God to show me the truth. I must be
willing to learn to love God and myself first so that I can love others as God
intended – freely and without expectation or demand. And truthfully, right now I am struggling
with this. I am finding it difficult to
let God love me the way She wants to, completely and freely, for God can only
love me as much as I am willing to allow that love in. I am struggling to accept that in order to
love I must fully let go, for it is only in the letting go that love can truly
blossom.
Please God, give me the courage and the
willingness to let go of all of my false beliefs and expectations around love
so that real love might fill my soul and I might learn to love freely and
unconditionally in return.
with love
Linda
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