Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Lessons in Humility - session 1

Today (15th April 2013) I am beginning what will likely become a two month focus on lessons in Humility. 

My plan is to re-listen to each of the five interviews on Humility with Jesus and Mary and allow myself to feel and reflect upon the points that touch my soul.  I plan to listen to one talk each week, however some talks might flow over a couple of week, and pray that I will find the courage and the willingness to fully embrace the lessons in each talk. 

If you would like to join me on this journey I would welcome your thoughts, feelings and insights as we work our way through the talks together. 

Each week I’ll post a link to the relevant talk here and at the end of the week I’ll share my learnings, challenges, revelations and joys as I step more fully into Humility and God reliance.  I don’t expect that this will be a flawless but the intention is there and I’ll do my best to stick to the original plan of one interview each week for five weeks.

The points in this talk that spoke to me.

1.       Humility is the most essential quality that we can develop in our progression towards God.

Jesus’ definition of humility – a passionate desire to feel and experience all of my emotions, whether they are pleasurable or painful, without blaming or attempting to control my environment in any way.

I am noticing that I still often judge the emotion too much – especially anger – and especially when I am in the company of others. I am allowing fear to dictate most of my life instead of humility.  And when I do have the humility to allow the emotion to surface in the company of others I allow others to shut the emotion down rather than challenge them as to why they do not want me to feel my emotions. I want to fit in – to feel ‘normal’. But what the world considers ‘normal’ is far from God’s definition of normal.  If I had to guess at what God’s definition of ‘normal’ might be I would say that Normal is to live a life of passion and desire where we feel all of our emotions as they arise, without fear of judgement, condemnation or criticism. Normal is to be our true selves, as God created us to be, and to rejoice in our differences and uniqueness.  Instead what I see and feel in this world is a world where we are made to toe the line, to not stand out, to make others feel better about themselves, even at our own expense. And this is not love.  No wonder this world is in such a mess right now.  What we need is more humility and I can begin to impact the world by growing my soul, especially in humility because it is the doorway to God’s Truth and Love.

2.       Humility teaches me that I must learn to submit to my own emotions – not those of others.  It teaches me to desire a clear understanding of my true self as I currently am at this moment.

I still struggle with this.  Who am I really?  Who is the me that God created? Who would I be if I did not have these errors in my soul?  What would my true passions and desires be? What would my life look and feel like?  From a very young age the world has conspired against us and we have been taught to conform to the image that others have of us – to be the person that will cause the least amount of distress to our parents, teachers, community. And in that process we lose our real selves.  I want to find me again – the real me that God created.  To do this I must first grow in humility, then open my soul to God’s Truth so that I might grow in Love and understanding.

3.       Humility allows us to be our true self in each moment without having to think about ourselves in that moment.  It is being comfortable with ourselves as we are and allows interactions based upon feelings and not thoughts. Pre-humility is when we are filtering our emotions through our thoughts.

I feel that I am very much in a state of pre-humility.  I still feel most of the time that I am not allowed to feel what I feel and I find myself constantly monitoring the situation – avoiding – avoiding Truth, avoiding Love – avoiding perceived pain.

4.       Humility is knowing who you are without elevation or deprecation. True humility is a journey towards at-onement with God. We need to allow ourselves to be the injured mess, to know that we have injuries and allow ourselves to be that injured person – not the fa├žade self that we learnt to create in order to avoid the pain that we were not allowed to feel.

Fear prevents full acceptance of my injured self because I don’t like what I see.  I need to learn to break through the fear in order to see God’s truth about me. At the moment I am still very much taking baby steps.  I have faith that change is possible but too often I allow fear to prevent me from accessing the causal grief that will allow my soul to heal.

5.       Humility is a willingness to feel childlike and powerless.  It has a respect for God and God’s Truths

I still struggle with allowing myself to feel powerless and vulnerable all the time. I am challenging myself to follow God’s Laws by firstly challenging myself to follow man’s laws (at least the ones which are made in some sort of love) – stopping at stop signs that don’t need to be there when a give way sign would be just as effective – driving 40kmhr through road works or 60kmph in areas that really could safely be 70 or 80kmph and feeling the projections of anger and rage from those behind me. I find this is at time quite challenging and often frustrating but if I find it difficult to obey man’s laws I will find it impossible (at times) to obey all of God’s Laws which are not negotiable).

6.       To be humble all of the time you will have the ability to be your injured self all the times without being conscious of yourself very much at all (no self-judgement or self-consciousness).

I notice that I still constantly monitor myself based upon who I am with – I am much more my injured self with some people (mostly others on the path who do not judge my injured self as much).

7.       To be humble all of the time we will feel everything as we feel it – our emotions are written on our faces and we allow the complete reflection of our true/injured self in every situation. We will be who we truly are and will be less defensive about what we are feeling.

I am getting better at this but still do not allow the full expression of the emotion for fear of judgement.  I don’t often remove myself from others and allow the emotion to be fully expressed as it surfaces (fear of judgement). I then have to re-access the emotion at a later date – if I remember what it was. I often judge the emotion and myself rather than allow the full expression of it – but I am getting better at this. I am noticing how confronted people are when they turn up at my house and I am feeling into stuff  – mostly they immediately want to make me feel better (so they don’t have to feel their stuff). Or when I am out and emotions surface people want to avoid me and I can often feel their projections of ‘what’s the matter with her?’

8.       When you are humble you will always talk about truth and love and act in harmony with truth and love – not in defence of self but in honour of truth and love. You will not be concerned about the judgement of others and will honour God’s Love and Truth above yourself even if you are afraid. Humility allows you to focus on saying the truth in harmony with love and you will examine yourself first against the general principles of Love and Truth.

I love talking about God’s Truth and Love – the problem is that very few people want to engage a conversation about God’s Truth and Love.  I guess fear is the reason why.  Fear is the reason why I do not always engage a discussion about Truth and Love preferring instead to say nothing.  I am noticing that once the basic pleasantries are out of the way conversation lulls – it gets boring as people want me to pander to their addictions.  I am beginning to challenge myself more to speak the truth about what I am feeling in an interaction regardless of the consequences and to do this I must push through fear.  I must learn to feel myself first and let go of the intellect and trust my feelings. Too often still I pander to my fear – I allow it to control me and this has to stop.

9.       When you are humble you will treat yourself the same as others. “The only reason that you would modify yourself in company is because you are so afraid of somebody else treating you badly as a result of you being who you are or you have a lot of self-judgement about being who you are and both of these positions are positions of arrogance actually, not humility” (29.39min)

I still struggle with this and often put others before myself – my challenge is to learn to love and honour myself as God loves and honours me – the same as everyone else. I also need to let go of self-judgement and learn to acknowledge and accept my injured self.

10.   When others treat me unlovingly I will always look at myself first – what is the error in me that allowed this person to harm me?

I feel that I am getting better at this one – I find that less and less I am blaming another for their unloving treatment of me but rather looking at what in me allowed this interaction to occur.  It is tough.

11.   Humility is honouring God’s Laws and gifts.  Humility has no need to compete.  It recognizes that we all have unique gifts and talents and that God has created a universe which allows each and every one of Her children to shine and revel in our passions and desires.

I so wish that the world would get this – there is no need for competition. When I honour God’s Laws and God’s gifts I will have everything that I will ever need.  One of God’s Laws and gifts that I am struggling with at the moment is insects – God created all creation to be of benefit to humanity – including those pesky insects that I find so annoying, so what is the injury in me that allows me to kill God’s creation without remorse?

12.    When you are humble you will only examine yourself through God’s eyes.  You will know that you are allowed to be who you are and won’t worry about what anyone else thinks even when you know they feel badly about you.

This point will happen when we are at-one with God – it is a slow process and one that will be achieved through persistence, patience and the exercise of my own will.  I need to let go of judgement of the process being too slow and embrace faith more fully – faith that change is possible, that I can become at-one with God while still on earth.

13.   To enter into a relationship with God and to receive Truths from God you have got to be in a very humble place emotionally.  It is our interactions with God that are a true test of humility. Humility is the cornerstone of my relationship with God and we must exercise our will in order to exercise true humility.

This point raises the question – how much do I want a relationship with God? Is my relationship with God the most important thing in my life? Truthfully I would have to say no – I still too often put my relationship with my soulmate before my relationship with God.  The problem with this is that this soulmate relationship is still very addictive and this actually keeps me away from God.  But I want the security that this relationship brings and I am not yet willing to trust God enough to know that He will provide for me even better than my soulmate can.  In this I am avoiding a lot of personal responsibility and I am not loving myself very much – I love my mate more – I want to nurture and care for him.  This is really very arrogant as in doing this I am denying him his relationship with God – wow!!! What does this mean now?  Where do I go from here? When will I learn to trust that when I focus on God first all else will be added to me?

14.   God existed before me therefore God must know more than me.  We must be humble in order to learn from God. “Humility opens my soul enough for me to hear God.  Without humility we cannot hear God …to hear God we must be in a very, very humble place … I am going to hear God through my feelings …humility is all about emotions therefore I must be in an emotionally humble place … so I can hear God’s feeling about every matter… without humility there is no truth … when you are humble you hear with your heart.”

Over the past four years I have had the privilege of hearing God’s truth about me on several occasions – God has shown me why I have certain errors in my soul and how to let these go.  He has shown me what I need to focus on and what I need to feel but I need to allow myself to be truly humble to my emotions for this to occur. I wish I could hear God more often – obviously I am not humble enough yet – there is much pride, arrogance, fear and anger that I need to let go of in order to become truly humble.

15.   Humility is the doorway to Divine Truth. Divine Truth is the doorway to Divine Love.  God is constantly trying to get us into humility.  God loves everything about you, if you are truly humble you will let God tell you about you.  The best course of action is humility – humility needs to be the first course of action.  Learn from every experience.  When we are truly humble we will never try to manage our emotions ever again.

God speaks to us through the Law of Attraction – everything that happens to me is a result of God’s Law of Attraction showing me where I am at with my relationship with God.  I love that God has made it so simple for us to monitor our progress but I am still so bound up in fear to even notice what God is telling me most of the time. I pray that I will be able to stop honouring fear and trust in God’s Love and Truth in every moment.

16.   “God has this beautiful ideal of our potential, the thing that He created us to be and what we are so bound up in is our own impressions of ourselves that while we are so bound up in these impressions it is impossible for us to ever be what God created us to be.  To be what God created us to be we have got to throw out what our current perceptions of ourselves currently is and we have got to allow God, through this relationship, to show us what we truthfully are.” (49.00min)

There is still so much arrogance for me to work through beginning with the arrogant stand that I have had that I am not arrogant – such a furphy from God’s perspective.  If I am not truly humble as Jesus teaches us to be humble then I am in arrogance.  Arrogance prevents humility. WOW! There is much here for me to feel.

17.   The two steps to Humility

·       Learn to become as the child was in humility – no judgement, ridicule or criticism – of self or others. Go back to the time and place when I was a child.  This needs to be a positive choice.  Go back to the little child (innocent, trusting, full of wonder and joy, vulnerable and open).

·       Become an everlasting student of everything and allow every feeling and truth that God has to enter you.  Allow your soul to perpetually grow and expand.  Become like a sponge – absorb everything that God want to teach you.  Expand our ability to absorb more of God’s Truth and Love.  The childlike state causes God-reliance.  We need to have a child-like humility to grow beyond the 6th sphere.

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