Addictions, personal responsibility and getting to know the real me

From my journal

I am struggling to allow myself to feel into the cause of my shoulder pain and I pray for God’s continued guidance and assistance, but right now I am feeling a bit numb.   

This morning I find myself alone again and I am feeling lost.  I am beginning to open up my soul to the truth of my relationship with John, my soulmate, and I don’t like what I see!  So many addictions have been at play on both parts.  For my part I know that I am addicted to the security that this relationship offers; to the idea of John, my soulmate and to the desire, the hope of one day having a real soul to soul relationship, if I can only hang on long enough!  I want him to change and I have projected a LOT if demand upon him; I want him to make my life better and I have projected a LOT of neediness upon him; I want things to be done my way and I project anger when they are not; I feel helpless, powerless and overwhelmed most of the time and I need him to reassure and support me; I want to avoid the hard stuff, I want to run and hide when things get difficult! 

And now I find myself finally beginning to open up to the responsibility for myself on all levels and I am hugely confronted by the task at hand.  I want to fall back into old patterns of running and hiding.  I hold onto the error of wanting, no needing to please others, especially my mother in the hope that she will finally approve of me; and in this whole process I am sacrificing myself, sacrificing love.  I know this now but the challenge of changing old habits, of letting go of addictions is difficult and for the first time in my life I am beginning to feel some empathy for those who suffer from physical addictions – drugs, alcohol, tobacco, food.  For the first time in my life I am beginning to understand what drives these addictions and why people feel they need to escape from reality. 

We have all been escaping from the reality of our true selves, our soul, for most of our lives.  We have been hiding behind our façade selves, the self we have created in order to survive our environment and hide our pain, the mask we put on in order to make ourselves more presentable, more acceptable to the world.  The trouble is that when we begin to allow ourselves to awaken to this truth, the façade is no longer acceptable to the real self and so begins a process of awakening and it is, at first anyway, a painful process as we begin to allow ourselves to open up to the truth of our reality one little piece at a time.

It feels like I am now constructing this giant jigsaw puzzle and I really have no idea what the pieces look like, but as I find the courage to delve deeper into the truth of my existence, face the damage in my soul and take full responsibility for my soul condition then, bit by bit, God’s Love begins to reveal the hidden pieces of my true self, my soul and a new picture is created.  One based upon love and truth instead of façade, illusion and pretense and these pieces are unlike anything I have seen or experienced before.  And I now find myself in a place where I am unwilling to compromise this process because I am excited by the little bits that are being revealed and the way they now play out in my life and I want to know what the whole picture looks like – I want to know the real me, the me that God created and who She alone sees.  And so I find myself at a crossroads knowing which way I want to go but wondering if I really have the courage to walk a different path, a path supported by God and my Celestial Guides but as yet still at odds with the world in general and my family’s view of how my life should be. 

I have no idea what lies ahead, I can not yet see the big picture for mostly I am still fumbling and stuck on working out this one tiny part that I am currently working on.  I just know that I can not continue in the old patterns and addictions of the past – I want more!  I want to know the real me.  I want to discover what my soul is passionate about, the things that bring me and others joy. I want to live a life of passion and desire in all aspects of my life.  I want to learn how to truly live and laugh and love – every day, not just occasionally but every day. 

Dare I hope that this is possible for me?  Do I really have the courage to confront each and every one of my own addictions and face up to and own the truth of their creation within me? I honestly do not know, but I do know that I have to try and that with God’s help anything is possible, even the transformation of a dark and broken soul. 

My hope, my prayer, is that as I begin to heal my soul and erase the dark corners of my hidden self, my real self, I will begin to grow in love and my soul will begin to shine making it irresistible to the other half of me, my soulmate and that together we will discover our true passions and desires, our true purpose in life, our hidden talents and our uniqueness so that we may serve the world through love and desire and in so doing experience a joy and bliss in every moment that as yet we find difficult to conceive of, yet alone imagine the possibilities of. 

With God anything is possible, even the recreation of a lost and broken soul.

Linda

11.04.2012

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I wrote this poem a while ago but it fits well with what I am currently experiencding so I have included it here

Broken

Lost little pieces of my soul

Fractured,

Fragmented,

No longer whole.

Overwhelmed and confused

Doubting God’s loving plan

Wanting to heal

Not sure if I can.

Who am I?  I no longer know

Trying to piece together

The little broken bits of my soul.

Praying for guidance

For the courage to see

How these little broken bits

Come together to form me.

But the pieces are small

Shattered and scattered

Making no sense at all.

How do I mend my broken soul

When pain and anguish have taken their toll?

Who will guide me?

Whom do I trust?

For God’s Mercy and Love

My soul does lust!

But it seems that God is far away

From this confused, lonely child

Who has lost her way.

Dare I ask for help,

For guidance from above?

Will God hear my plea

And fill my soul with love?

Lost little pieces of my broken soul

Gradually being recovered through faith and trust

And tenderly restored with love and truth.

Through anger, fear and grief I find

The lost little pieces of my broken soul

Coming together to make me whole.

Guided by faith and trust and love

I find God’s Grace and Mercy

Gradually healing my broken soul.

How can I thank You

For Your patience and understanding

For Your soft, gently touch,

For never being demanding?

You patiently wait for me

To have the courage and willingness to see

That I alone can find my way

Through the broken pieces

And the foggy haze

To the truth of my broken soul

Before You can begin to make me whole.

Your love is waiting for each of us

To have the courage to learn to trust

To face the secrets of our youth

And find the willingness to face the truth.

Your love does transform my broken soul

Healing my pain, making me whole.

Linda Munster

23.05.11

The Power of Love and Truth

The Power of Love and Truth

It has been some time since I posted anything here and I guess that I could easily come up with a dozen different excuses, but the truth is that I have been feeling into some fear around these postings especially now that I am aware that some of my family members occasionally follow my posts.  Funny isn’t it how easy it is to share your innermost thoughts and feelings when you feel you are under the veil of secrecy and how much more difficult that becomes when you feel ‘exposed’! 

So here I am stepping fully into the light and allowing the Law of Attraction to show me what I still need to learn and to feel.  So, over the coming weeks I will be posting much more honestly about my experiences over the past few months and allowing myself to feel whatever fear/grief/anger/shame might arise as a result of stepping more fully into truth.

I have recently returned from an amazing week at Uralla, just south of Armidale where I stayed with my beautiful friend Carina. I am noticing how much easier my life flows when I allow myself to follow my passions and desires.  I have had an interest (maybe even a passion) around Raw Food for some time but have not been allowing myself to fully engage in that.  There is always an excuse – it’s too fiddly, you have to think ahead, unsure of the menus and flavors – the list could go on but the truth is that I was avoiding a desire out of a feeling of unworthiness and a lack of self love.  Anyway, when I heard that Susan was running a Raw Food day at Kyabra I decide to attend, packed my bags and headed south for a week.  I have also had a desire to learn more about mediumship and to seek some guidance around developing my mediumship ability so I stayed for the mediumship discussion on the following Thursday.

A lot happened in this week – the weather was perfect – the Raw Food day was totally inspiring – I explored the area and discovered some beautiful spots around the area where I could be close to God – I caught up with some beautiful friends and met some amazing people – I learnt a bit about mediumship and about myself and I learnt more about the power of love and truth and this is what I really want to share with you.

On Wednesday night I had dinner with Dave and Alexis at their place and it was lovely to get to know them both a little better.  In the course of conversation after dinner Dave channeled his aunt who said that I had a group of dark spirits with me waiting for the opportunity to attack.  I felt into the truth of that and felt that my sister was with them.  Both Dave and Alexis are very strong mediums and they confirmed this for me.  Kathy has been in spirit for just about four years and I had felt that she was in quite a dark condition.  What transpired over the course of the next two to three hours was truly amazing. 

Alexis channeled the spirits and Dave spoke to them while I felt into what was happening and prayed for Divine Love.  It took a while but eventually a group of these spirits went with their celestial guides but my sister remained, angry, confused and adamant that the Catholic way was the only way.  At some point the roles change with Dave channeling Kathy and Alexis talking to her while I continued to try to feel what was going on and praying for Divine Love. 

Both of the boys could feel the pain in her body and her fear and confusion, I gave a brief outline of her medical history and of the cancer she suffered when she was thirteen years old.  She confirmed that she has been feeling this fear in her gut since she was a girl and she spoke a little about her experiences during the chemo and radium therapy and the ongoing effects of that.  What struck me about this whole process was how compassionate and patient both Dave and Alexis were and how much love I felt in the room. For the first time I began to understand what she had been through, not just when she was thirteen but over the many near death experiences that she endured throughout her life (six in all).  Alexis was very gentle in the way he introduced the Truth to Kathy and eventually she began to open up to the Truth, not only of what had happened to her but of what she was now doing to me by trying to control me and ‘correct’ my behaviour.  As she allowed herself to feel even a little Alexis could then point out that things had changed, she could see and feel the difference in her spirit body, but she was still very afraid and quite angry.  Eventually a shift occurred, maybe it was the love she began to feel from me, maybe it was the love and compassion she could feel from the boys, maybe she had received a little of God’s Love in this process, maybe it was a combination of all of this, but eventually she surrendered to the Truth quite deeply and I could now feel a big shift had taken place.  She was now ready to see our grandfather who had been present the whole time.  Pa has been in spirit for around fifty years and is now a beautiful Celestial spirit and one of my guides and Kathy was totally taken back by how bright and beautiful he is.  I know that she will be alright now. Pa has walked the journey that she will need to walk, he has let go of the false beliefs that he held onto dearly for such a long time and he understands her struggles.

Even as I write this I can feel the love that was present then and how deeply it affected not only Kathy but me as well and I am very grateful to God for the way His Laws are constructed to ensure that each and every one of His children has the opportunity to learn the Truth and to feel His Love.  This experience showed me how powerful it is when we allow ourselves to surrender fully to the Truth and allow Love in.

Thank you Dave and Alexis, I will always be grateful for the gift that you gave so freely and thank you Kathy for teaching me the power of Love and Truth and Surrender.  May God continue to bless and support you all on your journeys towards Love and Truth.

With much love

Linda

20.03.12

The Prayer for Divine Love

A while back I posted a prayer that I wrote to God which was based upon the Prayer for Divine Love or the original Our Father.  Some time later it occurred to me that some of you may not have read the original prayer so I have posted it here for you.  The bits in italics are the bits that I add for my own personal version of the prayer.  It helps me to continue to strive to really FEEL the truth  in the prayer and mostly acknowledges that most of the time I do not yet fully feel the truth in my soul.  When I add in my own personal touches it helps me to stay in the feelings contained within the prayer and has a greater likelihood of reaching the Father on a soul to Soul basis.  Feel free to personalize the prayer for your own use and direct it to either our Father or Mother God as your soul needs.

I hope it helps you also have a deeper connection with God in Prayer.

love
Linda


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Our Father, who is in heaven, I recognize that You are all Holy and Loving and Merciful, help me to truly know (and) that I am Your child, and not the subservient, sinful and depraved creature that my false teachers would have me believe.  Help me to know That I am the greatest of Your creation, and the most wonderful of all Your handiworks, and the object of Your great Soul's love and Tenderest care.

Loving Father, I (recognize that) help me to understand that Your will is that I become at one with You, and partake of Your great love which You have bestowed upon me through Your mercy and desire that I (name) become, in truth, Your child; through love, and not through the sacrifice and death of any one of Your creatures.

O loving Father I pray that You will open up my heart and my soul to the inflowing of Your Divine Love and Truth, and that then may come Your Holy Spirit to bring into my soul this, Your Divine Love in great abundance, until my soul shall be transformed into the very essence of Yourself; and I pray that there may come to me faith--such faith as will cause me to realize that I are truly Your child and one with You in very substance, and not in image only.

Merciful God, let me have such faith as will cause me to know that You are my Father, and the bestower of every good and perfect gift, and that only I, myself, can prevent Your love changing me from the mortal to the immortal. Please Father, help me to understand why it is that I would want to prevent Your Love!

Let me never cease to realize that Your Love is waiting for me and for each and all of us, and that when I come to You in faith and earnest aspiration, Your love will never be with-held from me.

Please Father, Keep me in the shadow of Your Love every hour and moment of my life, and help me to overcome all temptations of the flesh, and the influence of the powers of the evil ones, which so constantly surround me and endeavor to turn my thoughts away from You to the pleasures and allurements of this world.

Loving Father, I thank You for Your Love and the privilege of receiving it, (and I believe) help me to know that You are my Father--the loving Father who smiles upon me in my weakness, and is always ready to help me and take me to Your arms of love. 

I pray this with all the earnestness and sincere longings of my soul, and trusting in Your Love, I give You all the glory and honour and love that my finite soul can give.      

Amen                                                                                                                                                                      

http://www.thepadgettmessages.net/v1/prayer3.htm

Reflections on Faith

Recently I have been doing some very difficult processing and it has left me questioning everything about this path - myself, God, God's Laws and my ability to do this work.  I felt I have very little faith and I was reminded of the reflections that I did on Faith some time back.  It was a timely reminder and I have included this here for you.  You might like to do your own reflections on Faith and what that means for you as well.

I have included the links for the couple of messages from the Padgett Messages but I have not been able to find an archived copy of the Judas messages online.  If you would like a copy of the Judas Messages, either in full or just the articles referenced here feel free to email me and I will pass them on.

Faith is such a corner stone of our progress in Love and Truth and I feel that anything that we can do to grow our faith is worthwhile.

I wish you well with your own journey of growing in Love and Truth and Faith.

Love

Linda

Reflections on Faith

Judas – Faith - Jan 11, 2002

“True happiness comes from inside of the soul” – p113

What does this mean for me? 

The times when I am happiest, when life just seems to flow without impediment are the times when I am living in passion and truth, when I am honoring my soul’s desires.  At these times there is a sense of peace and fulfillment, a sense of purpose and belonging and I can feel that I am closer to God at these times. 

The question is, if I now recognize this, why is it that my whole life is I not lived from passion and desire? 

My only recourse is fear!  False expectations appearing real which keep me from being true to myself and to God.  But if I recognize this why then do I not allow myself to move through these fears when I know what the rewards will be and that they will lead me to a life of bliss? 

I can only feel that the answer is unworthiness, a deep unworthiness to receive anything that is good, a false belief that I do not deserve the kind of bliss that I have at times had a glimpse of.  So this tells me that I, as yet, have little faith.

“People who experience God have faith and this faith attracts love”. (p114)

How have I experienced God?

God is life and if I am willing to open my heart and soul God can be experienced everywhere – in the miracle of birth, the gentle roar of the ocean, the unfurling of a flower, the grace of the eagle as he soars effortlessly amidst the invisible thermals, in the poetic warble of a bird or the bliss of a lovers caress. 

God constantly shows me Her love, Her unique personality and yet so often Her presence goes unnoticed and unappreciated.  I have been guilty of that, of dismissing God in every day life.  At times I have been so caught up in day to day grind of this false life that I lead that I took God for granted.  I didn’t stop to notice Her constant presence in my life, Her patience, Her gentleness, Her Love. And it is at these times, when I dismiss God, that life has been the most difficult, the most challenging, as God gently calls me back.  But I do not always listen. Too often I choose to live in my fears rather than surrender to God’s Love.  I loose faith.

“To possess the Love of God does not automatically mean to lose all false beliefs.” – P114

Beware of arrogance, pray for humility

“Faith belongs to the soul, and like the soul, it is part of the Real … Faith is not formulated in words, you have to experience and live it.” – p114

“Faith is the perception of the soul” – p115

Faith is the activation of that innate part of our souls that longs for God’s love, it is acting upon the desire that we have to know and love God and to be known and loved by Him.

“Faith is knowledge and experience of the Real …. You cannot travel along a way sitting in an armchair, waiting for marvels to happen”. p115

In order to grow in faith I must continue to long for and seek God’s love, I must be active in this process.  No one else can do this for me. I alone can uncover the errors in my soul that prevent God’s love from transforming my soul from the mortal into the immortal and when I actively engage in this process faith grows.

“Faith, my dear friend, can open up the door to worlds undreamed of. The power God has conferred on men is enormous. Think about it. “ p115

Why am I afraid to open the door?  What prevents me from allowing the full experience of God’s Love and Majesty? 

Doubt!

Unworthiness!

At times Fear! 

And yet I know that the only way to overcome these doubts and fears and to release my unworthiness is to have faith and to open the door to my soul and step inside. To experience fully each and every one of the errors lurking there and release these to God so that His love might fill my soul and feed my faith which as yet is so little.  

And so I find myself in somewhat of a quandary – in order for my faith to grow I need to step into the deepest, darkest parts of my soul and face the truth of what lies there, and yet I need faith to do this!.  I need to cultivate a faith that lets me know that that in the experience of these errors God is there with me, supporting me, loving me. 

I need to activate that part of my soul which has already experienced God’s love in order to fully trust that this is once more possible. 

I need to activate whatever faith I already have in order for that faith to grow.

Faith continued – Judas – Jan 15 2002

From the Padgett messages - "Faith is that which when possessed in its real and true meaning makes the aspirations and longings of the soul a real, living existence; and one so certain and palpable that no doubt will arise as to its reality." Jesus - p117

It is the activation of faith that allows me o step into my passions and desires.  Faith carries me through times of doubt. Through faith I can harness the great potential of my soul.

“Faith has to do with Truth. It is our perception of Truth, our window into the Real.

….Only one Truth exists, and only God knows it. But the increase in our faith implies that also our perception of Truth deepens and approaches perfection.” P117

“… with the increase of faith, the range of perception of your vision is increased,…

Each soul has once experienced God at its creation, each soul experienced His Loving Kindness … faith does not disappear, it continues, but it needs effort and will to wake up again.” p117

I realize now that my journey over the past couple of years has intensified this process of ‘waking up’ and at times it has taken great effort and will to break through the barriers to love and truth and this process has been made easier or perhaps made possible only through faith, through some sort of ‘remembering’ God’s loving kindness and in a faith that God will once again bestow His love upon me.

“The difficult part is to start this process, but it is not a process which continues automatically. It requires our effort. But exactly at that moment when prayer stops being an obligation and becomes a desire, a wonderful experience, a moment of peace and happiness, at that moment the soul has won the battle.

Active faith is the continuous, renovated and enlarged experience. Faith is as sweet as honey, it is peace and happiness, and it awakes longings for more, longings of the soul, longings to be under God’s protection, at-one with Him, and partaker of His Love. And His Love comes, changing the very substance of our soul little by little, changing the quality and the range of our perceptions, and expanding our faith.” P117-8

 “…with the increase in our faith, also our understanding increases.” P118

Judas – the Faith of Little children – Jan 22 2002

“Children conceive God to be their Heavenly Father, filled with Love, who always reaches out to them His Hand of support and protection….The image of God disappears with the childlike faith …. That faith which we call childlike, but which is true faith, suffers through our process of maturation that actually is a process of estrangement and alienation, where concepts become supposed realities, where we learn how to open our eyes without seeing. …. The child’s faith wastes away, becoming the embryo of what it once used to be, waiting for the warmth of love to grow again. And it is the Father's Love that incubates it.” P123

For me faith is learning to open my eyes to once more see what the child in me knows.  It is trusting that when I take the steps necessary to activate that part of my soul which has laid dormant for so long that God will once again embrace my soul and I will melt into that embrace knowing that I have finally come home.

Judas – Faith, knowledge, understanding and trust.  Jan 30 2002

“Faith means knowledge, inner knowledge. It is our share of God’s holistic vision. It is a quick, partial glance, that is true, but it is a glance at what really is…. If you have faith in God and in His Love, it does not mean that you understand God or His Love” p128

The possibility of ever understanding God or His Love seems such a remote concept to me in this moment where my doubts and fears often plague me, but I have faith that one day this might be possible.  One day, if I continue to activate my faith and exercise my desires to grow in love and truth, maybe then I will begin to get a glimpse of who God really is and of the beauty and immense power of Her Love.  I have faith that this is possible … one day!

“There is another factor to this process: the soul longings. They are necessary to obtain our Heavenly Father's Love, and they are born of faith…. In moments of despair, the soul longings break through and soar high to God. And God sends His answer, He sends His Love.” p128

Why is it that our longings for God’s love and understanding are strongest when we despair?  How much do we deprive ourselves of God’s love by not recognizing His loving hand in every aspect of our lives, by not turning to Him in times of joy as well as in despair?

“Faith is knowledge, but not only knowledge of God and the universe, but also of ourselves, about our condition. … Faith teaches us our current condition, and it teaches us how we could or should be. Faith creates humility. …However, in order to receive God’s Love, our soul needs some preparation. It needs to open up. But how does it open up? It is hope, which achieves the opening up….Hope is a human attribute, and like all human things, it constantly changes. It grows as faith becomes stronger, until it finally acquires the character of certainty. Then we call it trust. True faith and trust walk hand in hand.” P 128-9

Hope inspires faith and as faith grows it becomes trust. 

I wish I could say that I have reached that point in my progression where I trust God completely, but I have not yet and I often find myself struggling through the process of releasing the errors within me because I do not trust God fully.  But I hope, and I have faith that one day, as I continue to embrace my errors and release them, that faith and hope will become trust.  At this point I know that progression will then become easier because when I reach this point of trusting God fully I will no longer fight the process.  I will embrace it knowing that it is through this journey of discovery and of repentance that I will grow in love and an understanding of truth that will one day allow me to kiss the face of God as I rest securely in Her loving embrace, cradled forever from the shame, pain and grief that now wrack my soul. 

At this point I will be happy to let go of all of my masks and will no longer desire to hide. 

I will be free!

Padgett Messages – Jesus – Oct 10 1915

http://www.thepadgettmessages.net/v1/jesus42.htm

“Faith is that which when possessed in its real and true meaning makes the aspirations and longings of the soul a real, living experience; and one so certain and palpable that no doubt will arise to its reality….. This faith is not the belief that arises from the mere operation of the mind, but which comes from the opening of the perceptions of the soul, and which enable its possessor to see God in all of His beauty and love …. Such faith comes only from the constant, earnest prayer and the reception into the soul of the Divine Love.” p225

Faith grows through prayer and is activated by the expression of the aspirations, passions and longings of my soul.   

Some part of me knows this. 

I have at times experienced the bliss of a deeper connection with God when I have had the courage to simply live in my passions and desires. And yet, too often I fall into the trap of believing the false expectations that I have. I allow myself to be distracted from my soul longings and aspirations and in so doing I allow myself to be lead away from God. I loose faith. I revert to the old ingrained habits of living in the mind and of trying to please others rather than allowing myself to live in passion and desire and to open more fully to the perceptions of my soul which enable me to see God more fully. 

I forget to pray and as a result I loose faith.

“… faith is a progressive quality or essence of the soul and increases as possession of the divine Love increases and is not dependant on anything else.  Our prayers call from the Father a response that brings with it faith and with this faith comes a knowledge of the existence of this love in our souls.” P 224

Faith grows through prayer and the opening of the soul to the inflowing of the Divine Love. It is the presence of this Great Love in my soul that allows me to have faith in God and in all that is Loving and Truthful; it allows me to have faith in myself.  When I allow myself to open my soul fully to God’s Love and Truth my faith grows.  But what happens when I feel love creeping in, when I find myself doubting God’s Love for me? At these times I have little faith.

Through faith I live confidently in my passions and desires knowing that God is watching over me and confident that my life is unfolding according to God’s grand plan.  A life lived in faith is a grand adventure.  I feel this to be true and yet I still do not allow myself to live a life based on faith, a life directed by passion, desires and my true soul longings.  Why is this? 

Will I ever find the courage to live the kind of life that God desires me to live? The kind of life that my own soul craves? How do I get to this point?  For now all I can do is pray – pray for faith and for the courage to let go of the errors that prevent me from moving towards a life of bliss, a life guided by God and for the inflowing of God’s Great Love which will eventually transform me into a true child of God.

“…. When we pray to the Father to increase our faith it is a prayer for the increase of love.  Faith is based on the possession of this love and without it there can be no faith because it is impossible for the soul to exercise its function when love is absent from it. …. Faith is not a thing that can be obtained by a mere exercise of the mind but has to be sought for with the soul perceptions and when obtained will be enjoyed only by the soul perceptions” p226

Padgett Messages – Jesus – Nov 10 1916

http://www.thepadgettmessages.net/v1/divinelove31.htm

“As the prayers of the sincere earnest soul ascend to the Father, that soul becomes opened up to the inflowing of this Love. … The more earnest the prayer and sincere the longings, the sooner faith comes and with this faith the realization that the Divine Love is permeating the soul.” P427

So faith and love go hand in hand, there can not be one without the other.  As I grow in love so too will my I grow in faith.

God’s voice calls me

This was written a little while ago but is just as relevant for me today as it was then.  Not one of my best peoms technically but still very powerful for me.  I am as grateful as always for the assistanc I receive when writing. I hope this is of some use to you as well.

God’s voice calls me

God’s voice calls softly to me

Gently encouraging me to feel the truth

To see the walls that I have built

So carefully around my heart

God’s voice calls gently to me

Reminding me that He is there

Reminding me that only I am trapped

Behind the wall around my heart

Tenderly He guides me

Patiently He waits

As I stumble and fumble

To find my way

But I feel afraid and alone

Not wanting to face the truth

That I alone constructed this wall

When I refused to let love in

I alone made the decision

That love was too painful

And to be avoided at all costs

I alone shut love out.

It is not that I am unlovable

Rather that I don’t want to be loved

For in my limited experiences

“Love” means pain

And so to avoid the pain that love brings

I built a wall to keep love out

To keep my heart safe

From the lies and abuse that imperfect love brings

But now behind my wall I hide

Alone and afraid and wondering why

Why does no one love me?

What have I done wrong?

Then God’s voice gently calls me

Supporting me to see the truth

That the child She created

Is beautiful and deserving of love

If only she would tear the wall down

And let in love

For she alone creates her pain

She alone blocks love out.

Open my heart and soul I pray

That my soul may learn to love one day

Open my heart and soul I pray

That Your Love may transform my pain.

Give me courage, give me strength

Teach me to love again.

Linda Munster

13.04.11

Lessons from the movie The Road

Yesterday I watched the movie “The Road” in an attempt to feel into some fears around earth changes which we will likely to be soon experiencing. 

This is a movie set in post war America some time in the future where the landscape is totally annihilated.  Everything is gray, bleak, dirty and cold, including the human condition.  I thought that this movie might trigger in me emotions around surviving earth changes but I found I had very little emotional connection with the movie.  Either I have worked through a lot of these emotions from watching “The Book of Eli” or I was in total denial.  I just could not believe that the human condition would sink so low in this time in history or even at some distant time in the future.  There has no doubt been a time in history when humans did sink this low (and perhaps even lower) and as always there remain little rays of hope in even the most desolate and desperate of conditions, but for me, this scenario did not seem real nor plausible at this time. And I would like to believe that as we raise our collective condition of love, with God’s Grace, there will never again be a time in human history when we revert to the bleakness and hopelessness that this picture portrays.  I suspect that it did however portray a fairly good depiction of life in the hells of the spirit world, a place that we all no doubt want to avoid.

After the movie I allowed myself to just sit with my feelings and watch what would surface.  Fear. Disbelief. Grief. 

I asked myself - how is it that the human condition could sink this low?  What is my part in this?

Eventually I had the realization that every time I choose to live in my fear and anger I contribute to the overall degradation of the human condition, but when I choose to face my fears and feel my grief love can now flow into my soul and the power of love is infinitely greater than the power of fear.  Jesus (as AJ) has taught us many times that Fear blocks Love.  Fear and Love can not exist in the same space.

My task then is to feel my fears, with God, release my anger, shame and grief and allow Love and Truth to govern every aspect of my life. This task is easier, quicker and much more effective if I allow God to guide me in this process.  This is called self-responsibility and God-reliance. 

I recognize that no mater how an error entered my soul, I alone am responsible for how that error affects my life. I alone can feel and release these errors, but when I relax into the process and Trust God, the process is much more rewarding.

I know this.

I have experienced this on numerous occasions.

So why then do I find it so difficult still to relax into trusting God totally in every situation?  What is the error, the block that I need to work through and overcome in order for me to trust God completely in every aspect of my life?

And why am I still choosing not to go there?

How can I change this?

For now prayer and faith are all that I have.  Faith that with God’s Guidance and Grace I will one day find the courage to remove these blocks, the obstacles that prevent love from flowing freely into and out of my soul.

Father, I kneel before You, your daughter, your servant, how may I help?  Give me the courage and the willingness, I pray, to face my fears and to step more fully into love, truth and trust.  Help me to be all that I was created to be so that I might better serve You through service to my brothers and sisters and all of Your creation.

Teach me to Love.

Linda

20.01.12

A Prayer to God my Father

Recently I have been concentrating on developing my relationship with God and prayig for an increased longing for Truth and Love.  This version of the prayer for Divine Love came to me during one such longing to God.  I recommend that you write your own prayer based on the prayer for Divine Love as given to James Padgett in the early 1900s.

with love

Linda

A Prayer to God my Father

Loving Father help me to always feel Your Love

and to know that I am truly Your child.

Forgive me my errors and help me to find the courage

and the willingness to feel the truth.

Give me the courage to let go of my errors

so that Your Truth and Love might fill my soul.

And with Your Love will come a faith

that allows me to know and understand that I am truly Your child

and that Your Love is waiting for me to transform my soul

and lift it higher and higher towards Your great Being.

Teach me to trust in Your Laws and to let go of my fears

so that I might surrender to Your Truth and Your Love.

Protect me from the unloving influences of darker spirits

and soften my soul with ever increasing compassion and love.

Help me to always remember that Your Love is waiting for me

and for all of Your children

and that I only have to ask with earnestness and sincerity

and Your help and guidance will be with me always.

Father I thank You for loving me

and for always being there to help, support and guide me.

Open my heart and soul in gratitude and trust in Your Love

so that I may better learn how to serve You in love and truth.

You alone are my true Father and I give myself to You

in deep gratitude and will all the love I am capable of giving now and always.

Amen.

11.12.11