Little Glimpses of Joy

Little Glimpses of Joy 

 It seems to me that the past fifteen years or so my life has been in chaos! At times, absolute chaos!!! Everything was difficult. Everything was a challenge. Life seemed to be constantly being propelled from one disaster or emergency to another, and we seemed to always be in the middle of it! Tragic deaths of close family members; serious illnesses of close family members; business disasters that seemed to go from one crises to another.

 For a while life was like a vortex spinning out of control and we just had to be carried along with it. Most of this I had no control over. Except for the business stuff, I had no part in its creation – well, that's what I believed at the time anyway. At times it was difficult to sleep. At times it was difficult to breathe. Most of the time it was difficult to get out of bed and face the day because I was afraid to see what disaster would greet me.  This seems a bit dramatic but if I were to just list the things that were happening in my life simultaneously during this time, no one would believe me. Even the people who watched and supported us through all this could not comprehend how one family could be hit with so many seemingly negative events one after another.

 I now know that this was our Law of Attraction – MY Law of Attraction ramping up to get me to look at the errors in my soul, that part of me that was out of harmony with Love and Truth and God's ultimate plan for me. This is the clearest way that God has of communicating with each of Her children to let us know if we are on track and in harmony with God's Love and Truth or if our life needs some adjusting. My life needed a LOT of adjusting!!!

 I have always had a connection to God – well, for as long as I can remember anyway. God has always been a staple part of my life and I consulted Him regularly, especially when things were not going so well (which was most of the time anyway). And I consulted Him when things were going well too! Any time spent in nature, at the beach or in the rain forest, or simply sitting on our veranda was spent with God.

 Looking back I can see the times when I turned to God in total despair and God revealed my errors to me and in the release of these errors His Love flowed into me. I remember these times clearly now. I just didn't understand what was really happening and how to replicate the reception of God's Love. Or how the reception of His Love could and would change my life for the better.

 Slowly, through trial and error, God showed me the way and my path eventually led me to AJ Miller. AJ claims to be the reincarnation of Jesus of Nazareth and I feel this to be true. The first time I watched his introductory DVD – The Secrets of the Universe, I felt this to be true. In shock and disbelief I watched as he spoke of truths of the universe that had not yet been understood or acknowledged by mankind on earth. Something about this presentation opened a door in my soul – and opened it wide! I became a follower of AJ's teachings and began to apply them in my life.

 As I slowly released errors from my soul, little pieces of the real me became revealed, in all of my injuries and sadness; my anger and rage; my shame and guilt; my fear and terror. Slowly but surely each of these errors has begun to be exposed and with God's Grace and guidance I have been walking a somewhat winding, and at times treacherous path back to God – to my real parent – and to myself!

 It seems to me that in the past fifteen years or so I have not really been living life – I have been existing. Too often I have been existing for the approval of others in the hope that I might gain their love, something that I desperately craved. And in the process I have been selling off little pieces of my soul. I too often forgot that God's Love was all that I needed to sustain me (Matthew 6 25-30), too often I still forget this truth! But as my soul has slowly been opening up to God's Truth and Love over the past four and a half years and little pieces of my soul have been restored. Bit by bit, one tiny piece at a time, my pristine soul is slowly being revealed and joy is beginning to return. It feels like it has been a long time since joy has been the driving factor in my life. In fact I could honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I am consciously aware that joy is more and more becoming the driving factor in my life; that passion and desire rather than approval is what motivates me in the decisions and choices that I now make.

 And it feels GREAT!!!!!

 It has been a long time since I looked forward to each new day with energy and excitement. And it has been a long time since I have been driven by a passion for life and love and all that I have to offer.

 And it feels GREAT!!!!

 So what has caused this seemingly sudden change you might ask?

 Well, for one thing, it has by no means been sudden! It has taken a commitment to honouring God's Love and Truth, as best I can, on a day to day basis; and a desire to grow in true humility to help me get here. It has required a willingness to fully feel all of my emotions as they arise and a willingness to feel God's Truth about the errors in my soul. Even now I am still too often resistant to God's Truth and Love. At times I still turn a blind eye to the messages that God is trying to tell me. Mostly because, for me anyway, letting go of 'control' and allowing God to direct my life still feels too scary!

 But, gradually I am learning to NOT let fear dictate my life. I am learning to acknowledge the fear, ask God for the truth and follow my heart. I am learning that no matter what decisions I may make – loving or otherwise, God always has my back – She will always be there with me every step of the way. I am learning to let go of the negative voices in my head – the ones that tell me that I can't do something that I really want to do; the ones that tell me not to trust myself; the ones that tell me not to trust God, that God doesn't care about me, that I am nobody and I should never aspire to be somebody!

 Slowly, ever so slowly, I am learning that God DOES Love ME!!! And that God wants nothing more than for me to recognize my true potential and engage my unique talents and passions and in so doing bring another piece of the puzzle to God's universe. More and more joy and passion occupy my days. I get increasingly engrossed in projects and time just disappears. I am finally doing what I love most of the time, on most days of the week. There are still many addictions for me to work through but the path is becoming wider and clearer as more light is being let in. And joy is becoming an increasingly prominent part of each day.

 And it feels GREAT!!!!

The Transforming Power of God's Love

 Today I though I would share with you some records of this journey that I have been on for a while. Below are some Aura photos that I have had taken over the past 12 years or so. I apologize for the lack of clarity in the photos, I'm not very good with scanning things into the computer and didn't want to use Photoshop to enhance the photos in any way (not that I really know how to do that yet anyway!) 

If you have never had an Aura photo taken before I would highly recommend that you do as it gives you a glimpse of what is going on in your soul and that is reflected in your aura. 

Wikipedia describes an aura thus - "In parapsychology and many forms of spiritual practice, an aura is a field of subtle, luminous radiation surrounding a person or object (like the halo or aureola in religious art). The depiction of such an aura often connotes a person of particular power or holiness. Sometimes, however, it is said that all living things (including humans) and all objects manifest such an aura. Often it is held to be perceptible, whether spontaneously or with practice: such perception is at times linked with the third eye of Indian spirituality.^[1][2] Various writers associate various personality traits with the colors of different layers of the aura.^[3][4][5] It has also been described as a map of the thoughts and feelings surrounding a person.^[6"

With each aura photo I have had taken I have been given an explanation of the colours in the aura.  I was also told that "The colour above you is what you experience for yourself right now. It is the colour that would best describe you right now.  If the colour is high it means aspirations, or what you wish to be.  The colour on your left is the vibration coming in to you.  The closer it is the sooner it will be felt.  And the colour on the right side is what you give out to the world.  The vibrational frequency most likely to be felt by others.  It is the energy you are putting out o the world".

The reasons I am posting these here is to show the transformational power of Divine Love on the soul.

This first one was taken on 10th April 2002. This was during a time when we were under a great deal of stress and were uncertain if we would loose everything due to an unfortunate misunderstanding with the bank - its a LONG story that I'm not going to go into here. 

Notice though that there is quite a bit of dark energy around me in the centre and to the right. Although they did not tell me this then, I now feel that this darker energy is probably due to the influence of darker spirits with me at the time. The edges of the aura are somewhat blurred. High above me and to the left side you can see areas of light - the presence of my guides. 

At this point I was very connected to God - times of great upheaval and uncertainty can do that to you!  I feel that I received some Divine Love during this time (although I did not recognize it as such then).

Green is the energy of healing, teaching, endurance, balance, perseverance, self-esteem, and self-love. Blue is the colour of communication, unity, depth of feeling, peach, spiritual love and grace.  During this phase of my life I was in need of healing - physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I also needed a LOT of perseverance, endurance and balance to get through what we were experiencing.  I was struggling with self-love and self-esteem. A LOT of communication at all levels was needed.  it was the presence of God's Love and my guides that got me through this time of my life.  Notice that the colours are somewhat dark and muted in may areas.

This next photo was taken on the 16th August 2006. This was another very difficult year for us in lots of ways.  It was the year John's younger brother died from pancreatic cancer, another brother was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour, his mother was very sick at this stage with John and Tim alternately sleeping at the farm with her, three young friends died tragically and we closed the family dairy after over 90years. 

Again you can see a lot more darker energy around me and the aura is not as enveloping - there are many gaps and I am clearly visible in the photo.  blue and green figure prominently in this photo and I was in need of a lot of healing and still really struggling with issues of self-esteem and self-love. Because of this I was not very connected with God or my guides at this stage.

This next photo was taken on the 27th October 2008.  Again there are a lot of holes in my aura leaving me open to spirit attack and I am clearly visible in the photo.  The light blue above me shows that I am more connected to God and my guides at this stage but still in need of a lot of healing - still struggling with issues of self-love and self-esteem.  Difficult family issues meant that strong communication was needed - particularly in voicing my opinions and standing up for myself. The green around my heart shows that a healing is coming in to this area. The interpretive data describes healing as being important for me right now and the blue indicates a good time to learn. About ten months later I was introduced to AJ Miller and Divine Truth and have been learning ever since!

This final photo was taken on 29th January 2014.  I have been following the teachings of AJ and practicing Divine Truth (amidst much resistance) for four and a half years.

You will notice that the colours in this photo are much clearer, sharper and brighter and the outer boarder is much more well defined.  The outer colour is Indigo witch represents universal nature, awareness of truth, clairvoyance, unlimited knowledge, deeply spiritual. 

There is a LOT more light in this photo indicating the presence of God's Love and of my Guides.

There is also a lot more pink in this photo which is the colour of passion, sensitivity, softness, compassion, love and unconditional love. At this point I am opening up more and more to my true soul desires and beginning to ACT upon them. 

There are much fewer holes in my aura and I am much more protected by my guides and God's Love.

The reason I wanted to share these with you is because so many people have doubts about the transformative powers of Divine Love.  Most of the people in my immediate circle do not understand the healing benefits of personal responsibility and allowing the full expression of all of our emotions - particularly the difficult, dark emotions.  They do not understand when I say that I am working through a particular emotion and wonder what I am on about.  Outwardly they do not SEE any difference.  My physical condition has not changed much although I can notice subtle changes in my body and in the way I perceive my world and myself.

When I shared this latest photo with John and then showed him the previous three - the ones before finding the Way to God - he was confronted.  Here was the evidence that he had been looking for. He has watched and supported me on this journey for the past four and a half years not really understanding what I was going through, but at a soul level knowing that things were changing, that I was growing.  Our relationship has grown enormously in that time but he could not understand why.  He only knew that I often confronted him - so on some level he has grown too. And that is a good thing for us both.

I would like to encourage you all to go and have an aura photo taken and to record if you can the verbal interpretation of the photo - it will show you lots about your soul condition right now.

Walking the Way back to God is confronting and challenging and for me often brings up many doubts - Am I growing?  Am I deceiving myself? Am I changing at the soul level? Am I doing this right?  Having this record shows me that since beginning on the Way back to God I have changed.  I have grown and my guides are with me - even if I still have a LOT of blocks to communicating freely with them.  They are there.  It is up to me to find a way to overcome these blocks and open my soul to clearer communication with God and my guides.

I wish you all well on your respective journeys and pray that you may find a way to walk with God as that really is the most transformative and rewarding way to live this life.

Some Personal Reminders

While cleaning out the office today I came across a copy of a couple of prayers that I would like to share here.  They are particularly relevant to me and I suspect to just about everyone on the planet.
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I am a child of God. I am precious.  I am loved.
I didn't earn it and I can't lose it.
It is God's gift to me.

Before my parents knew I was 'on the way'
God created pathways for me to walk in.

No one can live my life the way I can.

God has preserved my life for me
and wants me to walk freely in it.

I was not created to be a replacement for anyone else.

I am ... because God destined me to be.

(Jeremiah 1:5)

I feel that I have known for a very long time that I am God's child, I certainly knew that my 'children' were God's children and this made it easy for me to let them go, to be free to explore their world without a heap of projections form me about 'being safe'; I always knew (well, mostly always, sometimes I did let me fear override this knowing) that God would protect them.  Why then do I still struggle to know that I am precious, I am loved?  It has been a long hard road to get to the point of learning to accept this truth but doubt still creeps in from time to time which allows darker spirits to manipulate and control me as they play upon this doubt. 

I didn't earn it and I can't lose it. It is God's gift to me. But in order to receive this gift I must activate my soul's longings for love and ask God to give it to me.  God will always honour our free will and will never impose upon us anything that is not asked for.  In my next post I'll show HOW God's Love can and does change our souls. But the key here is using our free will to activate or souls and ask for God's Love; and to continue to ask for God's Love as long as we exist. God's Love is abundant and infinite, we just need to learn how to tap into it remembering that Love is an emotion that must be felt and it can only enter us when error leaves.  Love and error cannot co-exist.  When error leaves, Love can enter; and error leaving is painful so in order to receive abundant qualities of God's Love we must be willing to feel and release our errors so that God's Love can heal us and make us whole. Receiving God's Love is an emotional transaction between God and any one of Her children.  But we must ask in order to receive.

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My life is not a mistake.
God made me out of the love that He is.

He called me into being at the right time
and the right place.
He prepared a way for me.

I am a privilege, not a burden;

A joy and delight, not a disappointment;

I am not an intrusion, I belong.

I am a treasure just because I am,
not merely for what I can do.

I am one of Mother God's own children
and She delights in me.

(Psalm 127:3-5)

This prayer in particular resonates very strongly with me. 

So often in my childhood I felt that maybe I was a mistake - I did not feel loved.  I often felt like a burden, especially when I pushed my parents' buttons and they did not want to feel whatever it was that I was triggering in them.  Instead, like most people, they dismissed their emotions and projected blame onto me.  They didn't just do this with me but with all of my siblings and other kids as well - sometimes with other adults. And I have done this with my own and others' children.

Too often in my childhood I felt that I was an intrusion; "children should be seen and not heard" was the old adage that I was brought up with.  And we were dismissed when we deemed to be a nuisance or our parents were entertaining adult friends - kids were a nuisance at these time - Not always, but often.Unless we are willing to challenge the accepted wisdom and rattle the status quo we end up repeating the same mistakes that our parents made. And whilst I feel that I did challenge many of my parents' perceptions of proper parenting I have made many of the same mistakes.  My only recourse now is to feel what that felt like for me as well as for those I have hurt, to ask for God's forgiveness, mercy and Love and pray that my children will do a better job than I have done.

As I work my way very slowly through all of my childhood injuries I am slowly learning that I actually am a treasure - I am a child of God, 'the greatest of Her creation and the object of Her Love and tenderest care'*.  I don't know that I ever felt like that from my birth parents and this is possibly the hardest truth for me to face, along with knowing that I am 'not the sinful, subservient and depraved creature that false teachers would have me to believe'*.  This truth was so heavily masked through my parents projections, the projections of the world around me and in particular through the teachings of the Catholic Church.  I was taught that I was born a sinner when the truth is that I was created perfect in God's image and heavily tarnished by the unloving behaviours, attitudes and false beliefs of those around me from the moment of conception. I learnt to earn love through my actions; it was never enough to just be me.  In fact being just me was very triggering for the adults in my world, especially my parents and I quickly learnt how NOT to be me and instead to be the person who would please the adults in my world (to be my façade) and thus get their affection (if I was lucky!).

'I am one of Mother God's own children and She delights in me'. Yes, ... well ... there is a LOT that I still have to feel here. I am one of Mother God's own children and She delights in me - and in you too!

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* excerpts from the prayer for Divine Love - see post  February 4th 2012

Resistance to Humility

I seriously can't believe that it has been four months since I last wrote!  Apparently I am still in huge resistance to humility.  So today I thought I would write about resistance to humility from a personal perspective.

Why do I resist humility?  Well the simple answer is FEAR! This might seem extreme but when being truly humble means that you are willing to fully feel all of your emotions as they arise, no matter where you are or who you are with, you can see how easy it could be to allow fear to dominate and shut down your true soul's desires! 

For me personally my greatest fear is fear of judgement, ridicule, condemnation and banishment.  What will people think if something they say or do brings to the surface something that makes me angry?  How will they respond if I excuse myself mid conversation and start screaming or bashing something or throw a tantrum like I was two years old?  Seriously, how would you feel if someone did that to you?

What if this emotion comes up when I am in a shopping centre?  Will they think I am mad and call the police?

Now, my experience has been that unless you are aware of the teachings of Divine Truth  www.divinetruth.com you will likely be confronted by such behaviour and have some judgement of it.  And unless you are willing to feel that, you will be projecting your denied emotions back onto the person who is allowing the expression of their emotion. And unless they are very grounded in Truth there is a high likelihood that that person will stop feeling what they need to feel in order to feel safe.

It is rare for me to allow the expression of anger as it arises when in public, mostly because I am afraid of judgement, ridicule, criticism and condemnation.  But what this really means is that I do not yet fully trust that God has my back.  That God will protect me and that God's Love and approval is all that I really need.  And that I already have that. This is a childhood fear resulting from the lack of approval from my parents when I was a child and their constant demands and projections that I be or do as they want me to in order to help them avoid their own emotions, their own fears. 

This was not always the case - there were times when I did gain their approval but that was mostly when I was being or doing whatever made them happy. In short, I was not allowed to be my real self most of the time and quickly learnt to modify my behaviour and personality to suit them.  And this has caused much grief within me - I feel that I am not good enough.  I have spent most of my life afraid to be my real self.  And so it makes sense that now that I want to challenge these errors within my soul that fear will arise whenever I attempt to be my real self - to feel what I am really feeling.  It brings back childhood memories and fears that I must now work through if I ever want to be free of these errors and learn to be my authentic self - the me that God created.

I am getting better at allowing the expression of fear, shame or grief to surface when I am with others but far too often I do not remove myself in order to allow the full expression of the emotion without harming another person.  I allow myself to touch upon and acknowledge the emotion but too often I prevent its full expression. But I rarely allow the expression of anger when I am in public or even when I am within earshot of others.

Why is this?

Well, if I am to be honest I would say that I still feel responsible for the emotions of others around me.  What if, by feeling my emotions, someone else felt bad about themselves?  This is an irrational fear I know - I am not responsible for anyone else's emotions unless they are my children.  I might trigger something in someone else that makes them feel bad, sad, angry, ashamed, fearful - but I did not create that emotion in them - I am not responsible for their emotions. 

Why then do I so often feel responsible?  The real truth of this is that I was made to feel responsible for the emotions of the adults in my world when I was a small child - especially for my parents emotions.  I had a job to do as a child (as most children do) and that was to make my parents feel better about themselves.  I did this to my own children and am now finding that following the maze of emotions back to their original cause is difficult and often confronting - especially when I am with others.  I am also experiencing great remorse as I feel how damaging this was to my child-self and how damaging it has been to my own children.

Allowing myself to be truly humble is especially confronting when I am with people who do not want to feel their own emotions - who still want me to make them feel better about themselves and help them to avoid their own pain.  But this is not my job - it never has been my job as far as God is concerned.  From God's perspective we are each responsible for every emotion within us regardless of how the error got there.

At this point it may be useful for me to explain a little about emotions and how they enter us.  From the moment of conception the pristine soul, which is extremely sensitive, begins to absorb the emotions of its environment.  This is the system that God designed for us to be able to come to know ourselves, through our emotions.  This means that we begin to absorb everything - from our parents denied emotions, to their expressed emotions (good and bad), as well as the emotions of every person they/we come in contact with, and the prevailing societal emotions in the area we are brought up in.  When a person denies their emotions they automatically project that emotion back into its environment.  This is why I can be personally responsible for or have a part in the creation of negative world events.  I am a part of this world therefore I contribute to the overall health or dis-ease of the world through my emotions - both good and bad.  Now many people will feel that this is a little far fetched but if you allow yourself to really feel into this you will soon see the logic of this system.  Science has already proven this (the butterfly effect) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect

So emotions enter us from the moment of conception and continue to do so throughout our formative years.  Most emotional errors enter us by the time we are seven or eight years of age and often effect our personalities.  From about seven or eight we begin to make decisions for ourselves and by the time we are teenagers we are capable of making decisions independent of our parents.  In fact we are capable of this at a much younger age but far too often we are not given the opportunity to do so.  It is the decisions that we make based upon the emotions within us that create further damage to our souls or help us to grow in love.  Regardless of how an emotion entered me I am the only person who can release it.  I must be personally responsible for myself.  There is no magic wand. 

Emotion is in effect energy in motion.  It is a feeling and negative emotions can only be released from our souls through allowing ourselves to feel them.

This is where humility comes in.  And this is where fear so often prevents us from being truly humble.  And the definition of humility that I am using is the ability to feel all of our emotions as they arise, to be our true authentic selves - not our façade self (the self we present to the world in order to feel loved and accepted).

So, getting back to resistance to humility - I have already mentioned that fear plays a large part in resistance to humility and for me it is the most important reason why I resist true humility.  And fear, like any other emotion, is energy in motion and the only way I can overcome fear at the soul level is to feel it.  This means that I will need to learn to allow myself to shake and to breathe deeply and diaphragmatically whenever I confront fear. I want to learn to do this more openly and honestly. 

I want to challenge my fears as this is the only way that I will ever learn to be truly humble.  So if you ever seem me shaking in public please, just allow me to feel my fear.  I do not always know what it will be about but when I allow myself to get past the fear to the grief I will always learn the truth - the emotion tells me the truth as long as I do not try to control it or second-guess it (and this is another challenge with humility - allowing - trusting).  And if I suddenly excuse myself and walk away and you hear me yelling or bashing - please - be grateful that I am not projecting my anger onto you and that I am allowing myself to be  my authentic self.  And if you need to, allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel also without blame.  This is self-responsibility.  This is love in action.  This is Humility.

Building Harmony With Humility

Well, once again it has been a while since I have written.  I have been away for a couple of weeks and boy did that trip highlight how much I still have to learn about humility! I have been in such denial of my soul over the past couple of months really and this trip really helped me to see that.

I am so very grateful that God's Love never wavers and is always waiting for us to open our soul's to its reception through our desire.  This past week I have been slowly letting go of resistance and endeavouring to allow myself to sink more comfortably into God-reliance.  So much resistance in me means that it is a slow process.

Today I would like to share with you a message from the Judas Channellings on Humility.  It has helped me greatly to 'get back on track' (so to speak).  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

Building Harmony With Humility

January 14th, 2002

Received by H.R.
Cuenca, Ecuador.

Hello H___, I see that you do not feel so well today. But allow me to give you some advice.
After Jesus’ death, the new church, which in fact was not a church as you understand it today, spread all over the Roman Empire, and even beyond its limits, towards Mesopotamia and India. In the big cities, communities formed of more or less influence in society, and their leaders were recognized by the faithful ones as the new apostles, messengers of the Glad Tidings.

These leaders, unfortunately, very soon fought between themselves, in a fight for power. And I am not necessarily referring to political power, but there were many disputes over who was right. This was a very lamentable, but also a very human development. Because in human movements, somebody has to decide where to go.

Now, when you have the impression that this is repeating, although your movement has not spread so spectacularly over the face of the earth, it is necessary to meditate and to not commit the same mistakes that have already been made once.

You have to learn how to control yourself and to try to lose your great pride. On many occasions we have pointed out that, in fact, humility is one of the most important characteristics that distinguish people who seek the Father's Love. Emotional outbreaks, as you showed recently, don't fit into the harmony amongst people, who are supposed to work together.

Instead of exploding and creating an open conflict, you could say, “I respect your ideas, but I don't agree with them." It is so simple. With that, you don't hurt anybody.

I believe that you understand that humility does not mean weakness. Be humble but firm, firm in your decisions and in your objectives. You are receiving guidance through us, as anyone may receive guidance through us. After all, we are but guides, you decide your destination, which is at-onement with God through His Love, and we try to guide you along the safest and most efficient road. You are the captain of your ship of life; I am your pilot, guiding your ship safely to the harbor of its destination. Also in your efforts for spreading the message of Love, we try to give you our advice. How can you spread a message of Love, if you are not capable of manifesting love in front of your neighbours?

Humility is strength, provided it is accompanied by steadfastness. And you can only have steadfastness, when you have faith, that is to say, the certain knowledge that what you are doing is the correct thing.

You remember that we once talked about the quarrel between the disciples over who was the first. None of them was prepared to assume a slave's work, preparing water and washing the others’ feet. Jesus did it. That is humility. Seeing how little his disciples understood of what he was preaching still did not lead him to give up his efforts to fulfil the Heavenly Father's Will. Even seeing the risk he ran did not lead him to abandon his mission and to seek less dangerous roads. This is what I call steadfastness.

What actually distinguishes a great soul, are the qualities of love, humility and steadfastness.

Collaborate in everything, where you feel the impulse to collaborate. If something displeases you, say so immediately, and so you will avoid future confrontations.

This is all for today. It is a simple advice. Be firm in your decisions, be generous with others, and whatever you do, do it with love. If you cannot put your love in some action, let it go.

Your brother in Heaven,

Judas

Lessons in Humility - part 3

This past month has been particularly challenging for me - lots of emotions have been wanting to surface and I have not been very humble with this process.  Far too often I have not allowed the full expression of the emotions and have probably been wasting a lot of time - this is not humility.  Today I realized that I have been allowing myself to be a slave to my fear and this is where I now need to start - but that's another post.  Here is the long awaited third part to lessons in humility.  Hopefully it will not be so long before part four gets posted.

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Humility Session 3 – Humility in Practice 

1.     Humility is the doorway to Truth.  The truths that we do not accept are the most difficult to work through.

The past month has seen me skirt around this truth and therefore I have not been very humble.  I have been avoiding God’s Truth on many issues and pretending to be better than I really am.  As I write this now I feel a sense of shame creeping in.  I am a fraud!  But while I have been avoiding many truths in the past month I have to be careful that I do not revert to the old pattern of blaming or belittling myself.  I need to remind myself, yet again, that there is nothing that I can do that God cannot forgive and I need to have some compassion for myself – something that I am still learning to do.

2.     Humility is a willingness to be overwhelmed by your own emotions and by God.  It is an openness to God’s Truth and Love.  It begins with opening your heart to yourself first and then opening your heart to God’s emotions – allowing yourself to become overwhelmed.

The thing I struggle with most here is opening my heart to myself – having compassion for my injured self and not berating myself when I do not get it ‘right’!  There have been times when I have been able to do this and as a result I have been able to connect to God’s emotions and allow the overwhelm to embrace me.  There are still far too many times when I resist humility, mostly out of fear of judgement and/or ridicule.  I am holding onto this emotion rather than allowing it to be released.  Why?

3.     Humility is self-awareness.  It is not a false sense of being lower than others and it is a willingness to see yourself as you really are – as God sees you. Humility accepts that God knows everything and is willing to discover what God knows.

As I go through these points that I have noted from this discussion I realize that I have a very long way to go before I become truly humble. The truth is that far too much of the time I do feel that I am less that others – I am not worthy of God’s Love and in this state God connot connect to me because I am not being in truth.  If I was being truly humble I would allow these feelings of unworthiness to bubble forth out of my soul and allow God’s Truth to enter – that I am the greatest of Her Creation and the most wonderful of Her handiworks and the object of Her great Love and tender care. But I would still rather hold onto the false belief that I am less than and as long as I hold onto that I can never become truly humble.  If I am willing to see myself as God truly sees me I would accept that I am powerful beyond measure and capable of greatness – we all are.  But I still fight what God wants me to see and feel.  I am not very humble at all and my willingness to discover what God knows is still very tentative and uncertain.  Actually a better word would be resistive. And resistance indicates a lack of humility.

4.     There is a HUGE emotion of condemnation of being wrong on the planet and condemnation of another is a lack of humility.  Humility does not impose its own emotions onto others; it understands (and has compassion).

This is a big emotion for me – fear of being wrong. And so far I have not been willing to really challenge this emotion – if I had been it would not hold such power over me as it does.  Consequently, I occasionally find myself judging others but much more often, judging myself.  And this is not humility either – it is fear!

5.     You need to consciously desire to connect to your own soul and desire wholeheartedly to experience all emotions all the time.

While I feel that I do consciously desire to connect to my own soul I do not desire wholeheartedly to experience all my emotions as they arise.  If I did I would not be so resistive to God’s truth and I would not honour fear.  The question then is – how do I cultivate this desire to wholeheartedly feel all of my emotions as they arise?  I feel that faith and prayer are the answers here as well as consciously activating my own will in this regard.

6.     Humility is a willingness to take responsibility for my own error without reservation.  Only I can feel my pain no matter how it got in me.  Humility is a choice to grow in love.

I feel that this is one area of humility that I am OK at.  I accept that only I can feel my own pain and I have come to learn that it is the choices that I have made over my lifetime that have enhanced the errors.  I have always had free will but I have not always used that will in a loving way.  The movie “August Rush” really helped me to understand this.

7.     Emotions that influence Humility – fear of humiliation – investment in the opinions of others – needing nice feelings from others.  Deal with these emotions first.

Fear of humiliation – check; investment in the opinions of others – check; needing nice feelings from others – check!  Crap!!!  Fear of humiliation is a big one for me – all those school assemblies being hauled out in front of the whole school and being ridiculed because I ‘did something wrong’!  What was that all about and how could it possibly instil more loving behaviour in others?  Consequently this emotion piggybacks into the others – if others think I am OK I’ll avoid humiliation and they’ll like me.  This has been my whole life – seeking the approval of others, avoiding humiliation and in the process I have lost sight of my real self which makes it much more difficult now to reconnect with the me that God created because the façade self has become so powerful.  And I now have to wade through this mountain of façade in order to become truly humble.  Fortunately God is patient and compassionate – something I am slowly learning to be with myself.

8.     The Law of Attraction shows the way – pay attention and choose to act.

While I am getting better at noticing what the Law of Attraction is showing me I am still very slow in recognizing it.  It is often not until several minutes (on a good day), hours or even days before I recognize what God was trying to show me.   But I am learning to reflect more and trying not to berate myself for being slow and I find that when the penny does drop I am allowing the connection to the truth much more easily – so that’s progress I guess!

9.     Humility is seeing yourself as you really are and be willing to take responsibility for that.  It is a willingness to feel your own damage and a willingness to be your real self in public.  True humility is not involved in lying, deceit or façade.

I can see how I have grown in this area and find that I am becoming much more real with myself and God most of the time (not all the time though). It is becoming easier to be my real self in public although there are still a few people who I guard my real self from. And it is becoming easier to be truthful with most people but I do still occasionally catch myself avoiding truth and if I can I attempt to correct that.

10.  You need to look at the fears below the addiction.  Step 1 – identify the addiction and reflect; Step 2 - identify the fears below the addiction; Step 3 – embrace the steps for discovering the truth.

Facing fear is something I have a LOT of trouble with which makes this process difficult for me to engage. Consequently I do not always identify the addiction – mostly I want to hold onto the addiction because it feels familiar and comfortable, even rewarding.  But fear is the biggest cause of disharmony on this planet and if I am to have any hope of helping this earth to become a more loving place then I need to confront my fears.  I am getting better at this – with some fears.  Time to challenge ALL fears.

11.   Humility means working with the resources in your own location to create abundance.

So I guess this means becoming truly God-reliant.   Allowing God to show me what gifts He has provided for us in my local area and how these gifts can be used for the benefit of all.  I am a long way from stepping into this at the moment – I have so many fears still of making a fatal mistake.

12.  How do I contribute to the oppression of poorer peoples or nations?

If I am being totally honest here I would have to admit that by pandering to my fears of lack of abundance and therefore creating much more waste than is necessary I am contributing to the oppression of the poor. This is a fear that I am still unwilling to face/challenge.  Why is this?  What am I afraid of? Purchasing goods that are cheap but not ethical also contributes to the oppression of others and I have been guilty of this also – fear of lack – again.  I really need to look at this.

13.  God helps us constantly through the Law of Attraction, other people, animals (reflect our soul condition) and all creation (reflect our collective soul condition).  When we are willing to be truthfully taught by God we will have no emotional resistance and an openness to emotional communication with God and others. 

As I am going over these notes I realize just how far I have to go to becoming truly humble.  Far too often I disregard, ignore of just miss what the LoA is telling me and I am still unwilling to feel what our domestic pets are telling me and I have a tendency to blame everyone else for unfavourable weather conditions – its not my fault – its everyone else who needs to get their act together – what arrogance!!! CRAP!  I still have so much to learn about humility!

14.  My actions are a reflection of my true soul condition and demonstrate where I am out of harmony with Love and Truth.  If I am truly living in my damaged self (as opposed to my façade self) I will see where and why I am not humble AND be willing to address the reasons why.  I will work through the blocks that I have to truth.

I guess if I am being truly honest I would have to admit that at least half of the time my actions are out of harmony with truth and love and are based upon addiction – probably more than this.  But I do strive to live in my damaged self and be real with everyone around me no matter how challenging that might be – I am not always successful but can usually see upon reflection how I have failed in this area and can then pray about this.  Lately I have been really struggling with working through my blocks to humility and am realizing that it is because I have not been truthful with myself with what is really going on.  I had a big realization about this today and as a result I was able to connect with my guides and gain some truth that I am still to work fully through – but it is a start.  What I have found is that God ALWAYS helps me when I am in truth – if I feel that God is not helping me than I have only to look at myself and the resistance I have to truth and sincerely pray about that – God always comes through for me.

15.  Humility is putting into practice what you have learnt.

So – how do I do this? Do I do this? Challenging my fears more consistently.  Learning to step into God-reliance. Being truthful with myself and others as much as possible and correcting my mistakes when I recognize them. Learning to put my relationship with God above all other relationships and feeling the fear that that brings up, especially when I put God and myself before family.

16.  Humility is being totally open to guides.  It is developing a longing for feedback from more loving people and it embraces truth.  Am I willing to be refined by God?

The thing I have the most difficulty with here is connecting with my guides and I am beginning to see that when I am out of harmony with love and truth I block their connection and when I am truthful with myself and God the connection is easier and clearer so this is a big indication of my level of humility (or lack of it).  I do have a strong desire for truth and truthful feedback and am willing to embrace truth as I have found it the fastest way to grow through the pain and errors.  Intellectually I feel that I am willing to be refined by God but my resistance to truth at times tells me otherwise – this is a work in progress.

17.  Am I willing to stand for truth and love no matter what the circumstances – even if it means that I risk losing everything?

Honestly, I would have to say – not quite yet.  I have a lot of fear to work through to get to this point but it is only in challenging the fear that I will get there.  What is stopping me? Fear?  Then it becomes a vicious cycle doesn’t it?  I am learning that fear is the biggest impediment that I have to true humility and fear prevents me from trusting God – I am making fear my god and that has to stop.  Courage and faith will lead me to Humility and prayer will lead me to courage and faith.  Please God, help me to overcome all the resistance that I have to true humility.  Teach me to love.

Soulmates

After talking to Dave the other day my soul was open to soulmate love and when reflecting and praying the following day I was able to tap into this enormous soul love that I feel for my beautiful soulmate. 

So many people are struggling to identify their soulmates and yet, for some reason, I have had the privilege of living with my soulmate for the past 32 years.  Now don't get me wrong, just because I have lived with my soulmate for this length of time doesn't mean our relationship has been all peaches and cream.  Far from it!  It has been a roller coaster ride to match the scariest ride in the world!!!  We have shared some amazing highs and some soul-destroying lows over that time.  But the thing that has kept us together through all of this is our willingness to look honestly at what is going on in the relationship and want to fix it. 

There have been several times in the past 32 years that I have wanted to leave, the pain I was feeling was too overwhelming, but this incredible soul pull has allowed me to have the courage to ask "what is wrong and how can we fix this?" 

What I have noticed is that each time we drift apart there is a huge ache in my heart and it has generally brought up lots of fear and anger in me.  BUT, when I have the courage to confront the fear and we take the time to talk openly and honestly about what is going on for each of us, we find ourselves in a much better place – the next high.  And I can honestly say that the highs are worth ten times the lows.  Our relationship is always better when we are in truth for it is truth that allows us to really love each other unconditionally.

Since opening my soul more fully to God's Love and Truth I have noticed a strengthening of our soulmate bond and a softening towards each other.  There is a growing desire, in me anyway, to want to know my soulmate more fully.  To want to understand him.  To want to share more openly and fully with him. To want to love him unconditionally.  And to want to work through the blocks in me that prevent our relationship from growing.

Some people have asked me "how do you KNOW that he is your soulmate?'  Well, this is not easy.  At some level I feel I have always known that he is my soulmate but it is only since discovering Divine Truth that I have understood fully what that means.  When we met I was not in a very good place.  I was distant and withdrawn from everyone around me for a week or so.  I was unsure where I was in my previous relationship – had we broken up? I didn't know what was going on and I was hurting.  I prayed a lot about this in the weeks previous to meeting my soulmate.  I wanted to know the truth. So when I found myself on a camping trip for six weeks with him and when my friend Helen said "you know, John really likes you" I began to feel about that.  First there was denial.  Then lots of questioning (internally).  Then I began to really look at who this man was – the essence of him – and I looked beyond what he looked like (not particularly handsome), and what he did for a living (then he was a truckie and I was a snob!). I looked closely at WHO he was and what was in his heart.  And I fell in love with him (in a matter of weeks I KNEW he was the one for me).  I had learnt to listen to me heart.

Since discovering DivineTruth I have begun to really open my soul to my soulmate and I have encountered LOTS of resistance along the way.  So much so that I have had spirits drop into my head that someone else was my soulmate.  Because of my own self-doubt and unworthiness I began to question if that was right.  This other man was born in Trinidad, as I was.  I had known him for most of my life, we had lots in common.  But I didn't feel anything special towards him.  Still the doubt lingered for almost a year and I felt myself withdrawing from my soulmate in my confusion.  As time went on my confusion and doubt grew.  I realized that in this state I was being very unloving to my soulmate.  I had to know the truth. This turmoil was now a raging tornado inside of me!  What would it mean if this other man was my soulmate?  Our relationship probably wouldn't survive this. It would hurt so many people! What would it mean for me? I can't tell you how great this anxiety was in me – lots and lots of fear! But I realized that if I truly loved this man that I was living with, as I believed I did, then I owed it to him (and to myself) to KNOW the truth even at the risk of loosing everything that I had.  Eventually knowing the Truth became more important than holding onto my fear and with God's Grace I found the courage to delve deep into the emotions that had been stirring in me. I went through the full cycle of emotions – anger, shame, fear, doubt, rage, terror and buckets of grief until at last God showed me the truth.  As I purged doubt from my soul and opened to God's Truth the image of this other man began to fade and the image of John grew clearer, brighter, bigger and closer.  More buckets of grief followed as I sunk into God's loving embrace and rested in the relief of knowing the Truth. 

And things changed in our relationship – it got better (confirmation from God). 

It is still a bit of a roller coaster ride but the lows are not so dramatic now and it is easier to be in truth with each other. I guess this will continue until we are both able to work through the errors that we have that stop us loving each other perfectly.

What I noticed after the conversation with Dave was a huge desire to know and love my soulmate more.  And I found myself reflecting the next day on how I know that he is my soulmate. Here is what I came up with.

My soulmate.

·       I feel that he is the most beautiful man in the world – ever!

·       He touches my soul when he looks at me.

·       He is totally accepting of me – warts and all.

·       He wants to understand me.

·       He allows me to be me even when that hurts him.

·       He feels me.

·       He supports me emotionally.

·       He feels like me – like the part of me that is missing.

·       He wants me to be happy even if that means that we need to spend some time apart.

·       He trusts me implicitly.

·       He makes my heart sing when I am near him or when I think about him.

·       Only God is more important to me than him and he is a very close second.

·       When I put my relationship with God before my relationship with my soulmate it enhances my relationship with him.

·       He loves me unconditionally.

·       He is my soulmate.

·       He is me.

I hope that this sharing has helped you in some way. I pray that you will have the courage to trust God and KNOW who your soulmate is because loving your soulmate is the second most important and beautiful relationship you will ever have.  The first is your personal relationship with God, your Creator and most loving Parent.

PS: Part Three on Humility is coming soon.