I have just returned from a weekend in Murgon amongst my brothers and sisters on the Divine Love Path and am now feeling quite numb. The weekend brought up a lot of emotions for me especially around how unworthy I feel. I managed to do some processing while away but there is still a huge resistance in me to really feeling the emotions that are coming up. I am aware of a couple of spirits who are actively trying to shut me down and quite honestly at the moment I'm feeling too tired and drained to fight. So I thought it would be appropriate to post here a realization I had about emotional processing in October 2010. I hope it is of benefit to you also.
Like a Jigsaw
I am beginning to realize that working my way through these emotions of error within me is like trying to piece together a giant jigsaw. But this is no ordinary jigsaw where you can see on the cover what the overall picture looks like – what the different colours are. No! This jigsaw is like a giant sheet of pure white. The original condition of our souls is a pristine white, pure and luminous, and the goal is to get it back to that condition. Now, after decades of life on the planet and years of absorbing the erroneous emotions, firstly from my parents and then from the greater environment I find myself trying to unravel the pieces of my soul so I can put it back together again.
This task is daunting and without God’s help I can’t imagine how it would be able to be accomplished. God alone knows how the pieces fit together and as I talk to God about these emotions of error that arise within me and pray for His guidance, I am taken on a journey that is so totally unique that it would be difficult for anyone else to comprehend.
Sometimes large pieces are revealed to me and sometimes small ones. Sometimes only parts of a piece are revealed and I find myself getting frustrated – where is the rest of this piece? I know it is incomplete but I am at a loss as to how to identify the rest of it. So I have to learn to be patient and to trust God for God alone knows the best way to unravel the jumble of pieces that make up my soul.
Now, nothing is more important than my connection to God. He is my constant companion. My mentor. My guide. My friend. Without God’s help I would be floundering around in a huge sea of despair fighting to stay afloat and the task of piecing together this seemingly impossible puzzle would likely take centuries.
I can’t wait that long. You see, I have always been impatient and I have always had grand dreams, I just never really knew how to achieve them. Now I know. The answer is to involve God. It always has been. It is so simple it escapes many of us – some all their lives on earth and then for many, many hundreds of years in the spirit world as well.
So, as I involve God in this process, this huge task of unravelling my soul, I am taken on a journey of awakening to who I really am. Sometimes it is really scary, this journey. Sometimes I feel so alone and lost, but if I remember to involve God in the process He always answers my call. And if I am able to hang on long enough another piece of the puzzle is revealed to me and I find myself basking in the glow of God’s love - if only for a short time.
But I am finding though that the more of these pieces that are revealed to me the easier it is becoming for me to dig out what the next piece might be. I don’t always get it right and I am learning to trust my Law of Attraction as my helper in this task.
I know that everything in the universe is connected and that my physical body is connected to my spirit body and it is all overcloaked by my soul. I know that whatever is going on in my physical body is just a reflection of what is going on in my soul and my spirit body. I know that this connection helps to give me a clue as to where to look for the next piece of the puzzle. The thing I am having the most difficulty with though is connecting to the emotions that are locked in the physical pain in my body. At times this seems impossible. Like there is this huge resistance to going into the physical pain for fear that if I do it will unlock more pain. I pray to God about this, but sometimes it feels like God is not listening – like He is saying ‘you have to work this one out for yourself’, and at these times I feel abandoned and lost. It doesn’t seem fair! But I know this is an error within me, because I also know that God is a God of love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, patience and kindness and gentleness, and that God would not abandon me. So I am coming to realize that in those times that I feel like God has abandoned me that this is another error surfacing within me which is taking control of the situation. I need to learn to get past those errors and to go deeper into the emotion and to trust God more fully. When I do that magic always happens.
It is an interesting journey trying to unravel the pieces of the puzzle that is my soul. It is also at times daunting and frustrating and rewarding all at once.
Learning who I really am is an incredible sensation. Learning to forgive myself for my erroneous emotions and learning to have compassion towards myself is humbling. I am beginning to feel that I am finally learning to love unconditionally. I don’t always get that right, but I know I am getting better at it and this is the reward for doing this work - for there is no greater gift than being able to truly love unconditionally, as God loves us.
I feel very blessed.